Being an NBA GM is tough. Unlike the rest of us, who have studied at university or (at least) high school to achieve the requisite qualifications for our job, NBA GMs inevitably come from backgrounds as former sharp-shooters, low-post threats or dotcom billionaires. It must be tough to be so ill-qualified to run a basketball team/business — which is why the Count has provided the Cliff notes for the 2009-2010 off-season:
Sometimes flowcharts speak louder than words (click to enlarge).
Today is Australia Day, the 26th of January. A day in which very white people roast in the sun, sinking cold cans of beer, screaming weird obscenities in the sizzling summer heat. A day in which public drunkenness is not just accepted, but encouraged. And, of course, a day in which we celebrate basketball in Australia. And by ‘we,’ I mean Australia’s two leading NBA sites — that’s the boldest claim you’ll read today! — The Sport Count and NBA Mate.
A quick time line of basketball in Australia, just to get you prepped:
1788 – 1992: No one knew or cared about basketball.
1992 – 1998: As Michael Jordan became an international sensation, Australia began to pay attention. Basketball exploded. It was celebrated and cherished: NBA Action was a weekly fixture on Channel Ten; every school erected a hoop; kids traded Fleers for Upper Decks; Alonzo Mourning, Penny Hardaway and Shaquille O’Neal were household names. Every kid dreamed of playing in the NBL, our flourishing national league.
1998 – Current: The greatest game on earth is a niche sport, followed by dedicated few, loved by a minimal faithful. The NBL is in dire straits, wrecked by poor administration, flagging attendance, and an alarming economic climate.
With basketball struggling in our nation, two sites come together to celebrate the Top 10 Australian Ballers: those great humans who’ve shaped the roundball game down under; those exceptional athletes who’ve done their best to draw attention away from the grotesque tedium of cricket, and the big hits of rugby league. Let’s go:
1. Andrew Bogut: Before Andrew Bogut came on the scene there were essentially two types of Aussies that made it to the NBA: 1) Really tall guys (Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke, Chris Anstey) who were good at being tall and 2) Great outside shooters (Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze) who were good at shooting threes. Read more about Andrew Bogut at NBA Mate.
A real basketball legend. Also pictured: Michael Jordan.
2. Luc Longley: 7′2″, 292lbs.
NBA Averages: 7.2 points, 4.9 rebounds, 1.0 block (1991-’92 to 2001-’01).
NBL Averages: 1.0 point, 1.5 rebounds, 0.5 assists (in two games with the Perth Wildcats, 1986).
After an impressive college career at New Mexico (he averaged 19.1 points, 9.2 rebounds and 3.6 assists in his senior year), Longley was taken by the Timberwolves with the 7th pick in the 1991 draft (ahead of All-Stars Terrell Brandon, Dale Davis and Chris Gatling. Yes, we’re surprised Chris Gatling made an All-Star squad too).
As David Stern read the Timberwolves’ pick, Australia went wild: confetti filled the streets of Melbourne and Sydney; fireworks hailed down from the Harbour Bridge; a national holiday was instituted on the date of the draft; basketball-caressing children danced; ball-loving women wept openly in the streets.
That may be a little hyperbolic. But it was an incredible day for Australian basketball.
And — in a divine synchronicity — Longley’s ridiculously successful career with the Bulls coincided with the semi-inexplicable Australian basketball boom of the mid-90s (to give an indication, literally every child in primary school at the time collected basketball cards, even if they’d never seen a game), offering Australian hoop heads the chance to follow one of their countrymen on a championship team.
Signature Move: Winning rings. Sure, Luc possessed a couple of surprisingly silky low-post moves, and he hit the boards with the effort required to consistently tease playing time from a taskmaster like Phil Jackson… but his real skill? Bringing ‘championship heart’ to the otherwise lazy and uninspired Bulls, firing his cohorts up to the tune of three consecutive Chicago titles from 1996 to 1998. (Admittedly, the fact Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen were on these teams may have helped the championship efforts. But it was mainly Luc’s championship heart).
What’s He Famous For? Being the first Australian to play in the National Basketball Association. And being the most talented baller ever with the first name ‘Lucien.’
Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? A famouslyeasy-going fella — he’s described as a ‘free spirit’ on the famously accurate Wikipedia — it’s unlikely. Unless the three championship rings on his right hand somehow act as an effective set of brass knuckles.
3. Andrew Gaze: Andrew Gaze is the greatest basketballer in the history of Australia’s National Basketball League, and will be for all eternity… to put it simply, Andrew Gaze is the Michael Jordan of the NBL. Read more about Andrew Gaze at NBA Mate.
Shane Heal: shoeless on the sideline, and yet still within range.
4. Shane Heal: 6′0″, 180lbs.
NBA Averages: 2.0 points, 0.8 assists, 0.5 threes (1996-’97 with the Timberwolves, 2003-’04 with the Spurs).
A top-flight local performer, the undersized Heal never gained a foothold in the NBA. Picked up by the international scouting gurus of Minnesota in the autumn of 1996, the three-point specialist faced extremely limited minutes. His best Association effort was against the Sonics in November of ‘96, when he came off the bench to drain 5 treys in 13 minutes.
Heals’ lack of stateside success was unfortunate for him, but a real boon for fans of the NBL. The Sport Count team can vividly recall the giddy excitement when we learned Shane would be moving from the Brisbane Bullets to our hometown team, the Sydney Kings, in 1996. He blew the roof off the Sydney Entertainment Centre that year, averaging 23.4 points and 5.5 dimes (and, much to our youthful delight, signing autographs after the match near the merchandise stand).
Signature Move: Draining long-range bombs from ridiculous depths. Heal is one of those rare ballers who can completely disregard the position of the three-point line, jacking up shots from 30-feet out without hesitation. His distinctive release — with the ball cocked far behind his head, like Carlos Boozer shooting from Gilbert Arenas range — was a marvel to watch.
The following clip includes brief footage of his bombing ability… and his distinctive humour, as the Australia media bores the public by getting uppity after Heal hilariously refers to his team as ‘very white’:
What’s He Famous For? It may well be his bust-up with Charles Barkley during a warm-up match at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. After the Round Mound Of Rebound smacked Heal, the pocket-sized Australian launched himself toward’s Barkley’s enormous chest, screaming at him. After the match, Barkley referred to Shane as ‘a talkative little fellow.’
The feisty Heal also had a minor run-in with Vince Carter at the 2000 Olympics:
From left: Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze, Vince Carter, Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke.
Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? We might be surprised. Heal has a killer instinct. He could accurately peg a basketball at Crowe’s face from more than 100 metres away.
5. Chris Anstey: Anstey enjoyed reasonable success coming off the Mavericks bench, and actually started in 8 games. One of those starts turned into Anstey’s greatest NBA game — a 26 points, 8-rebound domination of the Boston Celtics. Read more about Chris Anstey at NBA Mate.
Bradtke (right) was unstoppable when it came to breaking up a fight.
6. Mark Bradtke: 6′10″, 265lbs.
NBA Averages: 1.6 points and 1.9 rebounds (in 36 games with the Philadelphia 76ers, 1996-’97).
Bradtke was an absolute beast in the low post, with surprisingly quick footwork, and the upper body strength of a wombat (quick nature fact: wombats are grotesquely and disconcertingly muscular). In his lengthy Australian career, he took home four championship rings (two beside Andrew Gaze on the Melbourne Tigers), and represented his country in an incredible four Olympics (1988, 1992, 1996 and 2000).
His NBA career wasn’t as impressive, playing in short spurts. He was never quite big enough to dominate the competition like he could in his homeland. His best game came against the Charlotte Hornets on the 15th of March 1996: 8 points (on 57% shooting) and 10 boards in 23 minutes.
Signature Move: Rebounding, and scoring in the low-post.We’re not talking about a flashy man here.
What’s He Famous For? He’s the benchmark by which Australian centres are judged.
Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? By virtue of sheer physical size, probably. Though Crowe is an angry man, seething with inner turmoil, whereas Mark Bradtke just seems like a really good guy, so maybe not.
7. Lanard Copeland:Between the years of 1992 and 1999, approximately 82% of every dunk or alley-oop performed in the NBL was actually performed by Lanard Copeland. He was the guy that brought the essence of the NBA — crazy athleticism, soaring dunks, and black men — to Australia’s National Basketball League. Read more about Lanard Copeland at NBA Mate.
Not Stephen Jackson. But it came up when I did a Google Image Search for 'Stephen Jackson NBL,' so I figure my work is done.
8. Stephen Jackson: 6′8″, 220lbs.
NBA Averages: 15.2 points, 3.8 rebounds, 3.0 assists.
NBL Averages: 6.0 points, 0.5 boards, 1.0 assists (in four games with the Sydney Kings, 1998).
Most basketball fans aren’t aware that Captain Jack has toiled in Australia; indeed, he shared a court with Shane Heal in 1998. A second-round Suns draft pick who was waived before he played a game, Jackson had done time with the La Crosse Bobcats of the Continental Basketball Association, before hopping a flight over the Atlantic to spend some time as a Sydney King.
His NBL career was, well, not especially remarkable. His ability to dominate offensively hadn’t yet developed, and the Sydney squad seemed confused about how to use him. He played just four games by the harbour, averaging 6.0 points, 0.5 boards and 1.0 assist.
It’s unclear how many strip joints he visited in Kings Cross, Sydney’s red light district, though one assumes his agent took him on at least two or three trips. Thankfully, Australia has extremely restrictive firearm laws.
Signature Move: Apart from popping off near breast-based bars, Jackson is best known for his fiery intensity, inspirational leadership abilities, and — this year at least — his appalling shot selections(.397% from the field? You’ve ruined a lot of fantasy teams, Jackson!).
What’s He Famous For? Unfortunately, it’s the shooting thing. It should be noted that someone ran him over before he let loose with a pistol, but the fact he brought a pistol to a strip club is certainly representative of poor decision-making. He also sports one of the most ridiculous tattoos the NBA has ever seen: two praying hands holding a gun.
Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? Absolutely. It would play out a little something like this:
A great guy, a great baller.
9. Ricky Grace: 6′1″, 180lbs.
NBA Averages: 1.3 points, 0.3 rebounds, 0.3 assists (in three games with the Hawks, 1993-’94).
NBL Averages: 18.2 points, 7.2 assists, 1.5 steals (with the Perth Wildcats from 1990-2005).
Ricky ‘Amazing’ Grace was a serious baller, a fluid, spritely point man with deadly passing instincts and the ability to break nearly any defender down off the dribble. Unfortunately, his abilities didn’t translate to the NBA. Though his ability to penetrate was obvious in a pre-season game with the Hawks:
In Australia, Grace was an icon of the National Basketball League, remaining with his Perth club for fifteen years, taking home four champions, and a Finals MVP gong in 1993. As a newly-naturalised citizen, Grace represented Australia at the 2000 Olympics.
Signature Move: Those quick cuts to the basket, and his ability to stop on a dime and squeeze off a bullet pass to an open teammate.
What’s He Famous For? Apart from his sublime abilities with the rock, Grace is also a top-notch human; he is currently the director of Role Models WA, a non-profit organisation that provides developmental and sporting support to disadvantaged Aboriginal communities in Western Australia.
Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? No. But he could run away very quickly.
10. Luke Schenscher: Luke can be safe in the knowledge that no other NBA player with as little as 31 career games has a website named after him. Schenschational. Read more about Luke Schenscher at NBA Mate.
Darko Milicic’s agent, Marc Cornstein, wouldn’t be the least bit opposed to a trade that would send his client to the Knicks and Zach Randolph to Memphis. ‘If a trade were to happen to New York, Darko would be very excited to play with Coach D’Antoni,’ said Cornstein.
Oh really, Cornstein? Darko would be okay with New York? Shit, if Darko is literally superglued to the end of the Memphis bench, he should still be gleeful — after all, he is getting paid huge cash for potential that doesn’t exist. (And if you’re wondering, Donnie Walsh, Darko could contribute in the Big Apple: come 2009, he’ll be a nice expiring contract).
Speaking of New York, Jamal Crawford is joining the blogging ranks. His first entry, entitled ’so you think I’m a loser…’, makes me think I’ll seriously enjoy his work. On criticism of his shot selection:
This is the biggest area that I HAVE to improve on and where I’m criticized the most…and for good reason. I HONESTLY feel like I can make every shot that I take. You have to understand that’s how I feel when I play. Some nights it happens but a lot of times it doesn’t.
Obama has the size and the skills, but Palin would probably want it more. However, if it was a game of 2-on-2 and you had to pick a teammate from your own region, Obama would win easily. An Obama-Mark Aguire tickets destroys Palin and Carlos Boozer.
Kelly Dwyer rains some justified burns on Vince Carter. Remember when Onyx asked ‘who slams harder: Onyx or Vince Carter?’ Well, maybe the answer really was Onyx. And if you can’t recall that Kotter-sampling classic, allow me to assist:
Our man John Rillie talks Corey ‘Homicide’ Williams, his Australian league teammate:
We all know that Corey “Homicide” Williams has some serious speed on the basketball court. In fact there are very few people, if any, who are able to stay in front of him when Williams is at full speed. The same can not be said for our Homicide when he is behind the wheel of a car… or a go-kart, anyway.
Bill Simmons is back, and he’s taking a look at the new NFL season. In that spirit, here are some quick Sport Count predictions: the Giants won’t win the Super Bowl again — I know, bold call! — meaning I won’t win big money on a seemingly ridiculous bet again. Tom Brady is going to be a fantasy force, irritating the naysaying punters who let him slide into the second round. And Chris Cooley, American football’s greatest blogger, will skip ahead of Antonio Gates and total douchebag Jeremy Shockey as the best tight end in the game.
Despite being the most dominating baller of the past decade (no, you’re not there yet, Bron Bron), Kobe Bryant is constantly — and, indeed, unfairly — maligned as an egomaniacal insult to the purity of sport.
Yes, his private and public criticisms of his Laker teammates may have created some chemistry issues last off-season, but the guy once scored 81 points in a game. In one game. 81 points. By himself. Put on a show like that, and you could celebrate the 48-minute siren by lopping off Jordan Farmar’s head in an Apocalypto-esque ritual sacrifice and no serious sport fan would care much.
An effort like that is the kind of testament to individual brilliance that reminds you why you love sport. It represented one of those rare moments when one man becomes unstoppable, impossible to defend, as if suddenly blessed by a basketball-loving god, single-handedly justifying the bold claim inherent in ‘Where Amazing Happens.’
But that 81-point explosion was just a brief, easily quantified manifestation of the transcendence of Kobe Bryant’s talent, and determination.
Ask me, or the millions of Black Mamba heads out there, and we’ll tell you Kobe can do no wrong; sports geniuses are supposed to be aloof and egotistical. They deserve to be.
Arrogance is justified when it’s backed up by a Maurice Podoloff trophy, and three championship rings. A domineering, alpha swagger is more than permissible when it’s backed up on the court night in, night out, through sickness and health and badly injured pinkie fingers. A ‘bad attitude’ doesn’t seem so bad when it forces the hand of management, leading to a stronger roster, and a finals berth to go with it; had Kobe gone all milquetoast, would Mitch Kupchak have started making calls and pulling trade triggers? Bryant doesn’t accept failure. He expects to see blood and sweat on whoever he plays with.
We mock players who seem to lack the killer instinct to back up their natural talent — think Tracy McGrady, Vince Carter, et al — and then question the humanity of players who possess it; we ask if Kevin Garnett is too intense, and we assume Bruce Bowen’s dirty work on the court means he’s a bad man off it.
And when he gets that scowl, that famous look of cruel determination and clinical efficiency, we wonder if the ice in Kobe Bryant’s veins means he lacks a heart. But he doesn’t. He’s just very, very good at what he does, and he knows it. He’s the best in the world at his sport; a competitor who has never lost that strange, inexplicable drive to win at all costs that only the best sportsmen in history have had. Maybe that makes it hard for him to be humble. Maybe that awareness of acute superiority sometimes makes it difficult to relate to your fellow man, or indeed your teammate.
For the most part, Kobe Bryant’s peers aren’t on the hardwood: they’re named Pete, and they win seven Wimbledon singles titles; they’re named Tiger, and they’ve taken home 65 PGA Tour trophies; they’re named Mark, and seven Olympic golds are draped around their neck in just one year. Should it really surprise you if Kobe looks exhausted and frustrated when he’s been forced to play alongside unfocused hacks, or ball-hogging contract chasers, or deadbeat teammates happy to spend the playoff stretch drinking Grand Marnier cocktails in the south of France?
So, excuse the occasional bad attitude. Forget those ridiculous charges in Colorado. Who cares if he can seem confrontingly focused in half-time interviews? When you see Kobe Bryant on the court, you’re seeing the absolute best of sport. You couldn’t hope for more.
Is there something wrong with Danny Ferry’s brain? Did they teach him nothing at Duke?
As they were putting some of the finishing touches on the Richard Jefferson-Yi Jianlian deal, the Nets received a call from the Cleveland Cavaliers, who offered them Wally Szczerbiak and his expiring, $13.2 million salary for Vince Carter. According to two Eastern Conference executives, who asked for anonymity so as not to spill Rod Thorn’s secrets, the Nets considered it — but not for very long.
An offer like that isn’t worth the price of the goddamned phone call, Ferry. If someone offers you a loose-shooting defensive liability for a high-volume scorer only just past his peak — even if the former has an expiring contract, while the latter needs a change of scenery — that’s an insult, not a proposition.
The only reason his fellow GMs aren’t screening calls to avoid Danny’s dumb ideas? He’s the man who traded for Ben Wallace, so only Chris Wallace offers a more likely trade outlet for rubbish.
And you wonder why Bron Bron will leave Ohio as soon as his contract is up. Actually, no you don’t — it’s really obvious.
It'd have to be killing Iverson how few teams want him. 7 hours ago
@docktora Roy Hibbert is a surething for a massive breakout, right? He'll get starts, stacks of minutes, and he can score, board AND block. 19 hours ago
@Daniel_Artest You still hitting New Zealand soon? You should write up some diaries of your trip. Start a blog. Or write for us? 19 hours ago
If the Raps can pick up Jarrett, that's a great Calderon back-up. Doesn't make up for the terrible Hedo signing though. 19 hours ago
@docktora best case scenario is just sub-Ariza without the steals. He'll be a perpetual 8th man, classic energy guy. 1 day ago
