It was said –- in fact we said it with one of the loudest voices (here, here, here and here) –- but Mike D’Antoni didn’t listen! When NBA fans and scouts alike feverishly typed Danilo Gallinari into Babelfish this past summer, only to see Fettucine Bustaola come up, the Count could smell a rat. And when recent news informed us that the Big Bustamental was going down for the rest of the season, we were neither surprised, shocked, nor sad.
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On a recent fact-finding trip to NYC (where the Count saw Danilo’s one and only hit-out in an NBA game; 0/2 from the field and 1 foul in a heady 3 minutes, 32 seconds) we managed to pilfer the Italian Stallion’s iPhone, and came across his rehab schedule for that day.
10:00am – Hit the gym for rehab. D’Antoni has implemented the Italian system, meaning I will jump rope for 20 minutes, and smoke four cigarettes each time my back hurts. Working well, but chest is sore.
11:00am – Place call to Mr. Dolan, try and coordinate upfront payment of months’ salary in cash.
12:00pm – Look into the mirror, burst into tears.
14:00pm – Stephon calls me. I don’t pick up. He wants to go and see Quantum of Solace tonight; I bought it in China Town.
15:00pm – Head into Macy’s, I’m surprised that they don’t have a Street Clothes sections, as many websites say this is what I will wear for one year. Spend $2,000 on ties.
17:00pm – Note to self; Maccaroni in USA = different, but also good.
19:00pm – Watch The Godfather, part three. I can’t believe American’s don’t get the Andy Garcia / Sofia Coppola love story.
23:00pm - Switch to BET. I didn’t know that’s what Wilson meant when he was saying skeet the other day.
23:30pm - TiVO is a handy alternative for the time poor consumer.
24:00pm – Note to self: Hookers in America = different, but also good.
Ladies and gentlemen of San Antonio, meet your new championship point guard. Should work out well.
In case you haven’t noticed, the NBA press kind of likes rumours. Sometimes they come up with ones that won’t ever happen. Like, ever:
Several GMs doubt that Stephon Marbury will eventually make his way to Boston because he could mess with the chemistry. “They’d be risking too much,” said one executive. But the Spurs, struggling to score without Manu Ginobili, could use Marbury and might have strong enough leadership to take a flier. “Remember, they once brought in Vernon Maxwell,” said an Eastern Conference GM. “Marbury isn’t that bad.”
Arguably the best-operated franchise in the NBA going for a hail mary move like signing a busted, cancerous idiot who appears to be either a) genuinely mentally ill b) disconcertingly religious c) high as a motherfucker d) a combination of the above. Yeah, that sounds likely.
You can only assume a defensively-minded lover of fundamentals like Big Poppa will absolutely adore Starbury. The Damon Stoudamire experiment last year would have gotten him all giddy about the prospect of having yet another undersized shoot-first defensive liability on the roster.
Yep, that’s right. Newsday is reporting that, in an effort to rid their roster of the bloated Z-Bo contract, New York are in discussions with GM Of The Year Chris Wallace about the availability of running joke, and occasional power forward, Darko Miličić.
We recently rated the Knicks Roster contract by contract, so we’re all over the logic. Yes, I understand the benefits of freeing up cap space for 2010. I understand that Z-Bo doesn’t fit the system and is probably the worst contract on the team outside of Starbury (aka Stephon Marbury, aka ‘The Cancer’s Cancer’), but that’s all beside the point.
My issue with this trade is dignity. It’s a very simple rule: if you’re already being criticised for your bad decisions and poor management, don’t trade for the single worst decision in NBA Draft History (although Michael Olowakandi might have something to say about that). I’d rather sign Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor. I’d honestly rather do business with whichever European team owns the rights to Qyntel Woods than subject my fans to the affront of having to watch Darko Miličić in my team’s colours.
Thank God the Knicks just traded the rights to Frederic Weis, because we’d be one call up away from an entirely European frontcourt – a move which would surely prompt riots in MSG, and a short film on the racism of the Knicks from Spike Lee (filmed in a Cinema Verite style from his half-court, courtside seats, narrated by Tracy Morgan).
The only positive in this situation is that Darko and New Darko (Danilo Gallinari) may, in fact, find themselves on the court at the same time. That might just create a rift in the space/time continuum, which would allow Walt Frazier and Bernard King to arrive in a DeLorean, ensuring that the Knicks make the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since 1995.
Each season, hundreds of millions are spent by NBA general managers in their bids to secure the talent their franchise needs to claim a championship.
Some teams outlay more money than is generated by some African nations in a given year. But does expenditure guarantee quality? In our new series The Roster Rater, The Sport Count team give their frank and honest views on the value represented by each franchise’s salaries.
Do not give this man your chequebook.
New York Knicks | Total Salary: $97,763,245
Letting Isiah Thomas come up with contract offers could have been seen as a funny thing to do — just how far will his bad ideas stretch? Really? Will he really offer Jerome James $6m a season? But actually gifting him the authority to make those offers to players is a decision so financially irresponsible it almost makes the Mugabe regime look like gifted economists.
So it’s no wonder that the Knicks’ roster contains some of the most laughably unrewarding contracts in the league, and hence represents the perfect place to start our considerations.
Zach Randolph | $14,666,667 | 3 years
This isn’t outright disgusting. Babyhead does consistently provide 20-10 numbers. But then, Randolph’s salary is a little over $3.5m more than Antawn Jamison is getting this season. Antawn Jamison was an All-Star last season, Randolph wasn’t. There are reasons for that.
One reason? Despite height and girth far more substantial than most in the league, Randolph can’t average one blocked shot a game, making him a serious defensive liability on a team full of defensive liabilities. Another? This:
Eddy Curry | $9,723,983 | 3 years
$9.7m doesn’t seem too bad at the start of the season, when Curry’s frame and sporadically reasonable offensive numbers suggest he could be a competent big man. Then suddenly we’re 20 games into the season, his weight has ballooned, he hasn’t once turned up for defence and he’s forgotten that the low post even exists. That’s when the collective sigh occurs, as everyone remembers the disgusting contract that Isiah agreed to take on.
Stephon Marbury |Salary: $20,840,625 | 1 year
Flushing this amount of money down the toilet would be exponentially more entertaining for everyone than having to pay out Starbury’s contract. At least New York fans only have to suffer through a year more of this.
Worth mentioning is the possibility that Stephon turns up to training camp physically fit, mentally ready, sporting a serious jones to prove the doubters wrong, and boasting a surprising knowledge of the D’Antoni playbook. Actually, sorry, that wasn’t worth mentioning.
Quentin Richardson | $8,685,500 | 2 years
Well, he was inVan Wilder: Party Liaison. That, plus eight points and five rebounds, could be worth this much money. I guess.
Jamal Crawford | $8,640,000 | 3 years
Jamal’s contract is kind of tough to judge. His talents suggest he is one of the few genuinely capable players on the Knicks. He might even thrive as a floor managing off-guard on a team that needs one. But then you remember the Knicks are one of the worst teams in the league, and suddenly Jamal’s respectable numbers seem the product of the “someone has to score them” rule rather than ability.
We’ll give him the benefit of the doubt though, and assume a player who can top 30 points a game with some regularity is worth $8m+.
Malik Rose | $7,647,500 | 1 year
Rose is consistently, and somewhat euphemistically, referred to as a ‘character guy’:
Malik Rose is too good for these Knicks — too good of a teammate, too good of a person. In the immediate aftermath of player introductions, Rose routinely embraces each New York starter in a firm hug while whispering, “Go get ‘em” or “Make it your night.”
Indeed, by all accounts Rose spent the past four seasons acting as a calming influence on a team owned by a stubborn fatcat, and coached by one of the world’s least impressive basketball minds.
On a team stuffed with oversized egos and bloated contracts, that’s important. But when you average less than five points a game over three seasons, you betterhave a great personality.
Jerome James | $6,200,000 | 2 years
James played just two games last year, frustrating a Knicks front office desperate for him to retire. If James were to suffer a ‘career-ending injury,’ the Knicks would pick up a medical exemption, freeing up a little cap room, and forcing their insurance company to foot James’ bill.
If Jerome James sees Jimmy Dolan walking towards him with a pair of scissors in hand, and a cruel look in his eye, we know why.
Jared Jeffries | $6,049,400 | 3 years
Who wouldn’t love a reality show called Jared & Jerome, in which we follow two immensely rich, immensely useless big men as they roam the Big Apple?
Chris Duhon | $5,585,000 | 2 years
Duhon hardly oozes upside, and the Knicks undoubtedly bought too high in a bear free agent market. But overpaying by only $2.5m represents a substantial achievement in New York.
Danilo Gallinari| $2,394,600 | 2 years
Gallinari will spend the next two years either a) injured, wearing a Vuitton suit, talking film with Spike Lee or b) riding the pine, sporadically rising to challenge Andrea Bargnani as the NBA’s ‘most prominent Eurobust.’
This man: very excited about his contract year.
Nate Robinson | $2,020,179 | 1 year
Nate will seem like an absolute bargain when he thrives under the Knicks’ new run-and-gun style, putting up 18 points a game, and inexplicably developing a passing game.
He’ll seem like a rip-off when Donnie Walsh rewards his contract year effort with an Iguodala-esque contract.
David Lee | $1,788,033 | 1 year
Paying arguably your most valuable player — a genuine hustle guy, desperate for boards, active on both ends, a good attitude — far less than the wretched mistakes surrounding him?
Thank the lord (and Glenn ‘Big Dog’ Robinson) for rookie contracts.
Mardy Collins | $1,034,760 | 1 year
When Collins’ contract is up, I’m sure Carmelo Anthony would be interested in employing him as a human punching bag.
Wilson Chandler | $977,900 | 1 years
Remember how excited Spike Lee was on draft day ‘07? First he heard about the Babyhead Randolph pick-up (and loved it), then he expressed his love for the late round Chandler pick. ‘Isiah did the right thing,’ he said:
Well, Spike is probably less excited now.
Anthony Roberson | $797,581 | 1 year
Paying minimum wage for someone no one has ever heard of? Well, it can’t hurt. I guess.
Posted By: Alex & Anton
Shout-out: Want to see the hopes of New York fans graphed? Head over to Knicker Blogger.
Note: when expressing the years remaining on a contract, we’ve taken the team’s potentialliability into account, meaning we assume a player will accept their player option; for example, Eddy Curry has one guaranteed year remaining, plus two years worth of player options, so the Knicks are potentially liable for three years of Big Eddy. A team option is not considered a liability.
His shoulder has been better, and his left knee has been a hassle, but this week has been all about bad food. First, Tracy tried Thai for the first time, and felt queasy all day. And then later that week he ordered a burrito and it had all this gross cheese on it. McGrady is doubtful for his next match.
