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Entries tagged as ‘Ron Artest’

Ballers Who Surf: Ron Artest & Tracy McGrady

November 15, 2008 · 4 Comments

Yesterday, we were drinking cappuccinos at Starbucks on Bellaire & Wilcrest with Houston Rockets shooting guard Tracy McGrady and small forward Ron Artest. Just a few coffees between friends.

When Ron The Don and T-Mac wandered off to take a conference call from a tired Yao Ming — still a little drunk from the previous night’s ‘veteran’s meeting’ at The Yao Restaurant And Bar — we snuck a peak at the laptop they share, and screencapped their respective Safari histories.

First, it’s Tracy:

And Ron:

Ron Artest Internet History

Posted By: Anton & Alex

Categories: Ballers Who Surf
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The Count Preview: Southwest Division

October 30, 2008 · No Comments

Bruce Bowen is thinking "Can I get away with biting him on the neck?"

Bruce Bowen is thinking "Can I get away with biting into his neck?"

Houston Rockets: Any real basketball fan hopes that this is the season T-Mac shakes the monkey and gets his team through the first round of the playoffs. T-Mac, Yao and Artest with a great supporting cast: it should be a return to Houston’s former glory of only about a decade ago.

It’s just so sad though. We know what’s going to happen, and it crushes our collective heart. T-Mac will break down. Yao will once again be defeated by the laws of physics and crush his fragile feet. Maybe they can hit say, 40 wins, bench these two for the rest of the regular season, and hope the role players can wrangle the next 10 or so wins that gets them 8th spot in the West. If Houston can stay healthy, the toughest division in the league just got even tougher.

Hang on, no. Because that would mean Ron Artest becomes the de facto team leader, which is questionable for two reasons: one, he’d have to not be suspended, which is only ever a 50% chance with the Don; and two, even if he isn’t suspended, do you let Ron Artest give advice to your younger players?

San Antonio Spurs: Who cares? The team is basically unchanged, so my prediction remains unchanged — they will challenge for the conference final, in yet another victory for stupidly boring basketball and bad sportsmanship.

Bar Spurs fans, is there anyone out there who doesn’t hope the entire team gets brought up on charges of bringing the game into disrepute and booted to the D-league? Is there a less enjoyable team to watch (okay, maybe Detroit)? Is there a less likable group of players, even given the fact they’ve ditched Horry? Is there anyone who doesn’t hope Bruce Bowen hard fouls Ron Artest and gets repaid with a straight shot to the chin like Ron-Ron landed on that Turtle-looking-fella at Auburn Hills?

Memphis Grizzlies: How could you dislike the Grizz this season? They’re basically a bunch of young kids who were playing pick-up and sent a letter to David Stern saying “mind if we have a crack at the NBA?”

O.J. Mayo proved in the preseason that he’s not daunted by playing in the NBA. Rudy Gay is one of the most electrifying, and dominant, young talents in the league. This alone should make the team likable. But then they’ve got an upside-laden young point guard in Conley, who will be amazing if he ever stops gaming, the brother of a proud racist and a centre with genuine hustle in Marc Gasol, and rookie power forward Darrell Arthur, who slipped too far in the draft due to concerns about a heart condition. Someone will one day make a movie about the 2008-2009 Grizzlies, who will only just scrape over twenty wins, but through the adversity will learn the true meaning of friendship.

Dallas Mavericks: Let’s not skirt around the issue. Dallas are too old now. They’re just too old. Their time has passed, and they’re irrelevant. You can imagine them all standing around when electricity was invented going “pfft — nothing will ever replace the good old steam engine.”

Jerry Stackhouse, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Eric Dampier, and Devean George are all ancient. Even if they’re still functional, they’ll get injured, or will spend too much time thinking about how they’re going to spend their millions when they retire in the next two years.

Moreover, how much confidence would you have in the coming years? Your GM has just traded a potential All-Star point guard (Devin Harris) away for a wife-beating grey hair (Jason Kidd), and then signed DeSagana Diop to almost $30M worth of contract. WTF. Did Cuban green-light that contract based on how many blocks Diop gets in fantasy leagues? It’s all just bad news at Dallas.

New Orleans Hornets: Unbelievably, everyone’s second favourite team managed to only get better over the off-season with the signing of ring-magnet James Posey. Adding his long range threat and clutch abilities to the talents of Chris Paul, David West, Tyson Chandler and Peja Stojakovic makes the Hornets the team to beat in the West. Yes, better than the Lakers.

Posted by: Alex

Categories: On The Court · Sport Count Guide
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Dear Diary: Tracy McGrady Edition

October 9, 2008 · No Comments

Tracy is scared about what the 08-09 season has in store

Tracy is scared about what the 08-09 season has in store

Dear Diary,

I’m scared - yeah real scared. I’ve been so healthy for so long (months now) and now it’s only three weeks away. The season. Every year it hangs over me like a spectre; ruining my summer. Just when I think I’m out, it pulls me back in.

I know we’ve got Ron to help out. I know Yao is back to health and we’ve got a great bench. But I don’t think my bones can take it - I just don’t think they’ve got it in them to do what I want, what I need, what I crave.

I want to get to the hole. I WANT to dominate the game. I want to do all the things I do on NBA2k9. I want to do all the things i’ll do for the next 2 months and get major props for. Something always goes wrong, breaks, spurs, tweaks, snaps or twinges… and I just can’t take it any more.

Maybe I should get out? Get out now and save myself the heartache of another 51 games at the office. Save myself the playoff previews, the highlights of former years, the comparisons of my games played vs games missed over the past 5 seasons.

What if I become a carpenter? I guess I’d just break my hand with a hammer and not be able to do my job again. I could be an office worker? But RSI is a MAJOR issue, and all of that sitting would definitely hurt my back.

I suppose I could try cleaning cars - I’d be afraid of the detergent though. Your hands always go wrinkled, which makes it impossible to do most anything - you can’t write, type, nothing - it’s bad when you use detergent, I stick to soap.

Anyway, I’ll give it one more try. I’ve got to at least do it once more, try and get out of the first round, try and stay healthy, try and get.it.to.gether.

Yours,

Tracy

Posted by: James

Categories: Off The Court
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Roster Rater: Golden State Warriors

September 19, 2008 · No Comments

After running a fine-toothed comb through the champion Celtic roster, The Sport Count team heads way out west to apply its famed analytical skills to the Bay Area’s best.

B-Diddy turns his back on Golden State, just as he would in the off-season.

B-Diddy turns his back on Golden State, just as he would in the off-season.

Golden State Warriors | Total Salary: $56,133,870

Straight off the bat, $56M doesn’t seem like much to pay for a team who knocked the Western Conference champions out of the playoffs two years ago, and only just missed the post-season last year.

These past two seasons have been characterised by the excitement prompted by Golden State’s hyper-offensive plays, and their colourful team: Baron Davis’ unbelievable consistency, Monta Ellis’ breakout season, and Stephen Jackson’s fixation with handguns.

But then the off-season happened. Baron packed up bags for a town a few clicks south, Monta did something and now won’t start the season, and the Warriors’ cap space was gambled on a European (always a mistake) and a talented-but-egocentric swingman. So for now, Golden State are an unknown quantity. Can Monta fulfill his role at the point? Will Maggette fit into a team where he isn’t the first option on offence? Will Biedrins justify his obscene contract?

If so, we might see another season of upsets in the West. If not, Golden State will be the new Clippers.

Adonal Foyle | $9,750,000 | 1 year

It’s impossible not to like Adonal Foyle. He has a history degree, founded a grassroots organisation called Democracy Matters, and reviews his favourite books on his official site. He’s a genuinely fantastic human being.

Regardless, Adonal could cure cancer in the off-season and his bloated salary would still be ridiculous. Especially considering he’s not even on the Warriors roster.

Al Harrington | $9,226,250 | 2 years

Harrington has a great contract. Having a young guy who can score and play a bit of defense inside is a great commodity — particularly one who can stick with the ridiculously high-octane offense Nelly is runs.

The issue with this contract is that Harrington is being stupidly used — because the Warriors don’t do half-court sets, Harrington is constantly forced to the perimeter. So while we’ve got $9M in contract just oozing potential, who knows if we’ll ever get the chance to see if it’s worth it. Oh well, that’s Don Nelson.

Andris Biedrins | $9,000,000 | 5 years

When you’re looking at the $9M over two which Harrington is getting as a bargain, you can then look at this contract and start to think a little closer about Golden State management. They let Baron Davis go - who was only looking for a couple of million more than Biedrins - and instead signed their undersized, soft-as-tissue-paper big man for nearly $50M over five years. Well, that’s just silly.

Every time I see the pundits on ESPN or wherever talk about how ‘this is a solid signing for the Warriors,’ I laugh and cry simultaneously because, as a Knicks fan I know that, somehow, Biedrins will end up in the blue and orange before too long. In fact, this contract makes me want to instigate a new salary cap rule: Europeans are only allowed to be paid $5M or less a season. The league will thank me.

Corey Maggette | $8,600,000 | 5 years

Anyone who has owned Maggette in a fantasy team, or watched one of the two Clippers games ESPN has ever shown, would be aware of his consistently respectable offensive numbers. He is more than competent at the two position; a quality second-tier shooting guard. At Golden State, Maggette looks to benefit from having Monta (unless something drastic happens), Al Harrington and Captain Jack around, as he’s unlikely to be guarded by the opposition’s best defensive player.

At the same time, you get the feeling that no longer being the stand-out shooting option on the team could be something Corey finds it hard to adjust to. The contract this year is worth the gamble. In five years’ time though, he just might be the next Larry Hughes.

(Side note: Interestingly, when you look up the word Maggette in a French dictionary, the literal translation is ‘knee-jerk’).

a talented forward, an even more talented set thrower.

Stephen Jackson: a talented forward, an even more talented set thrower.

Stephen Jackson | $7,140,000 | 2 years

A wonderful contract, because it adheres to ‘The Artest Principle,’ whereby a hugely talented guy with ‘character issues’ will always be available cheaply.

Unless Captain Jack starts spraying bullets down by North Beach, he’ll deserve every cent he gets.

Ronny Turiaf | $4,000,000 | 4 years

When it comes to guys you want on your bench, Turiaf is in a league of his own, the French energy man constantly swiping and swishing two or three large white towels through the air. If you were paying Ronny only to psyche his teammates up — like a hulking, bearded, Sarkozy-ruled cheerleader — his contract would be worth every cent.

The fact he’s a rabid rebounder with a surprisingly soft mid-range touch who is paid less than the league average? Well, that’s a nice bonus.

Brandan Wright | $2,081,100 | 1 year

Wright will turn into a decent player, injuries notwithstanding. Tough to judge rookie contracts though, as we all know he’ll probably bolt for some silly team looking to pay him $40M over five years after he averages eight and six down the stretch in limited minutes. That’s the NBA.

Kosta Perovic | $1,944,000 | 2 years

Let’s be honest, I’ve never seen Kosta Perovic play. But I can tell you one thing… with that name, he’s certain to be absolutely worthless unless he’s unguarded from three-point range.

Anthony Randolph | $1,424,400 | 2 years

Are rookie contracts - with the exception of those offered to white guys - ever that bad? An athletic left-hander who seems to have a bunch of upside to support GSW’s sharp-shooting forwards is worth the money. The only question is whether Don Nelly will elect to ignore his inside game as he has done with Al Harrington, and keep him on the perimeter.

Marco Belinelli | $1,205,600 | 1 year

Belinelli came out firing in the 2007 summer league, putting up 37 points in his first game. Don Nelson gushed. ‘I think he’s been sensational,’ said Nellie. ‘He’s very unpredictable offensively, and that’s what I like about him.’

Then Nelson played ‘Bench The Eurobust’, playing him in just 33 games. Say it with me: ‘thank god for rookie contracts.’

Marcus Williams | $1,262,520 | 1 year

Williams posted halfway reasonable numbers in his rookie and sophomore seasons at the Nets, given his bench-heavy minutes. With Monta out, Williams will have the opportunity to demonstrate whether he can find a place at the point. Meanwhile, every player at Golden State will be leaving their laptops at home.

Monta Ellis | Apparently $66m | 6 years

If this contract was the $66M Monta was originally offered, and this was a few weeks ago, when he was healthy, the verdict would’ve been simple: you’ve just paid a good player with a load of upside the money that he’s worth.

Now, however, we have a situation where you might pay a good player what he’s worth. And you’re now in a position to justifiably say ‘Monta, you’re getting less money, because you were a douche. You went and did something we explicitly told you not to. You could do anything you wanted bar about three activities, and you chose one of them.’

Going on his form from last year though, you’d have to say any contract from $66M down is a pretty good contract for Monta.

Posted by: Alex, Anton & James

Previous Rosters Rated: New York Knicks, Boston Celtics.

Note: when expressing the years remaining on a contract, we’ve taken the team’s potential liability into account, meaning we assume a player will accept their player option. A team option is not considered a liability.

Categories: Roster Rater
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Ron Artest: Numerologist

August 18, 2008 · 15 Comments

Numerology 101

Ron Artest: Numerology 101

While many players show an unnerving commitment to a single jersey number throughout their career, Count favourite and Tru Warrior Ron Artest has demonstrated an unparallelled propensity to change his number mid-career. Officially joining the Rockets roster yesterday, Artest has selected number 96 as his jersey number, the fifth shirt number of his storied career.

We all know that some guys change due to numbers being retired, or jersey numbers being occupied at teams they’re traded to. However, like everything that Ron does, every single number change has a weird and wonderful sense of logic to it, which in his mind is extremely significant and important.

Ron kicked off with number 15 (which was apparently the number that his father wore… until Ron realised, upon consulting his father, that it was actually 51). He then moved to 23, as a tribute to Michael Jordan; I’m sure Jordan appreciated the tip of the hat, especially from a guy who, as a rookie with the Bulls, broke Jordan’s ribs in a friendly pick-up game.

Artest then selected the number 91, a tribute to fellow NBA bad boy Dennis Rodman. Ron moved from 91 after being traded to the Kings, choosing 93, which was a tribute to his roots in Queensbridge, with the 9 apparently looking like a Q and the 3 looking like a B. Go figure.

So, why 96? Surely Ron has an explanation which will come soon. Until then, we can speculate:

- U-96, a German U-boat during World War II, and subject of the film Das Boot?

- The atomic number of curium?

- He was a fan of Class Of ‘96, a short-lived FOX drama series which aired in 1993?

- A tribute to Tupac Shakur, who died in 1996?

- A homage to racy 1970s Australian soap opera Number 96?

- A tribute to the standard resolution on the monitor of an IBM-compatible computer running Microsoft Windows?

Getting inside Artest’s brain is always an exciting challenge, so we’d like to hear your thoughts on what possessed Ron this time.

Posted by: James

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Off The Court
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