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In part two of our ongoing series, The Sport Count takes a look at the very best and very worst of NBA tattoos.
Last week we looked at Jameer Nelson’s Tupac tribute, Robert Swift’s homage to cliché, Chauncey Billups’ ‘hood thing,’ Luke Walton’s Grateful Dead monkeys, and The Birdman’s terrible dogs.
Left to right: Tim Duncan, Merlin, Tim Duncan, skeleton jester.
Who is it? NBA high flyer, and all around firecracker, Tim Duncan.
What do they appear to depict? A skeleton jester on the back and Merlin on the front. Either that or Gregg Popovich in drag.
Why did he get them? The year is 1997. Young Tim is on top of the world, about to be drafted first overall, a veritable god on campus at Wake Forest. After taking a weekend off to live it up with some of his buddies at North Carolina’s Dungeons And Dragons Convention, Duncan was on a real high. He’d just levelled up his elf and rolled double sixes to help vanquish a warlock with his prized Dark Wizard, nicknamed Merlin Fundamental.
Passing by a tattoo parlour, Tim thought it was time to rebel. ‘Gosh darn you, dad. For my whole life, I’ve listened to you tell me to keep training. I’ve listened to you tell me to bank it in off the glass. Two hands for safety, huh Dad? No flashiness son, it doesn’t win games. Don’t talk to strange women, Tim. Don’t sniff aerosol cans, Tim.’
This time, Tim thinks, I’m doing something for me. ‘Stuff it, I’m getting some ink done. I’m getting some Dungeons And Dragons ink done. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it.’
Was it a good idea? These tattoos represent the first and only time Tim Duncan has done something subversive in his life, so whilst a tattoo of Merlin and a skeleton jester might be a bad idea for everyone else this side of Comic-Con, for Tim it’s a mark of eternal pride.
Who is it? Marquis Daniels, third string point guard for the Pacers.
What does it depict? Yes, that really is a man blowing his own head off with a shotgun.
Why did he get it? Perhaps Marquis felt a creepy affinity with Vincent D’Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket. Maybe he’s a real Nirvana fan, but couldn’t find a nice enough photo of Kurt.
Or maybe he was just way too young to get a tattoo:
‘I got that one when I was fifteen and it was my first big one. The guy in the tattoo is shooting himself because he isn’t strong enough to deal with adversity.’
Was it a good idea? No, not really.
The Pacers should demand parents sign a ‘disclaimer of liability’ before allowing children into Conseco Fieldhouse, lest the little tots be permanently scarred by the nightmare vision inked across Daniels’ forearm.
Also, here’s a quick ethics refresher for aspiring tattooists: if a 15-year old comes into your shop looking to get a monstrous scene of horrific violence tattooed across their arm, don’t do it.
Who is it? It’s Kobe. Specifically, it’s the right bicep and tricep he used to own.
What does it appear to depict? These tattoos are more complex than first seems: on top we have a crown decorated by butterflies; below is Kobe’s wife’s name, Vanessa, above what are either angel wings, or a tribute to Vanessa’s flowing locks.
They seem to create a testament to his beautiful wife: the feminising of the masculine crown to demonstrate their loving bond, the permanent display of her name to the millions who watch him each week. What could be a more public declaration of love?
Those in the know, however, will recognise the symbols used throughout time to signify the ancient message “my wife wears the pants.”
Why did he get it? He didn’t really get it. She got it. The poor guy never had a choice. Anyone who heard about Vanessa cussing out Laura Lane knows you don’t mess with her. And when a lady like that finds out you’ve been messing around in another state, you do what you need to do to keep your manhood.
Was it a good idea? It was an excellent idea. Getting a bunch of tattoos on your arm is always preferable to becoming a eunuch and having to hand over half of everything you own.
Who is it? Richard Jefferson, no doubt still totally bummed about the whole Milwaukee thing.
What does it appear to depict? I’m not wearing my glasses, but I can make out the word ‘family’ in there somewhere. But the centrepiece is a large ‘RJ,’ with a basketball stuffed into the ‘R.’
Why did he get it? Firstly, Rich totally likes basketball. Secondly, his name is ‘Richard Jefferson’, so his initials are ‘R’ and ‘J’. The rest is history.
Was it a good idea? Absolutely. How awesome is it having your very own initials drawn on your very own upper arm forever? That’s such a good idea for a tattoo. Especially when it’s ‘prison quality.’
Who is it? Mike Bibby, the Vincent Chase of the NBA.
What does it appear to depict? Congratulations go to Mike Bibby for getting the most literal tattoo in a league famous for its sheer number of unimaginative skin pictures. This is an NBA-branded basketball about to enter the hoop. Why? That’s Mike’s job.
This is the equivalent of your gardener getting a lawnmower tattooed on his leg, or your accountant getting MYOB’s tax screen permanently inked on his back.
Why did he get it? Like many NBA players, Mike was never a scholar. As such, on those mornings when he wakes up and can’t remember what he needs to do that day (Tues-Sun), he stretches his calf out and *BANG* meaning returns to his life. A quick phone call to his agent to confirm what team he plays for, and he’s on his way, driven to practice by one of the twenty members of his entourage he allegedly takes everywhere.
Was it a good idea? It was a practical idea. It’s questionable whether it was a good idea to have a six-year old actually ink it though.
Posted By: Anton, James & Alex.
Thanks to Count commentators PB (a real Rik Smits fan) and Lakini for the Marquis Daniels tip. Cheers to Deadspin for the Duncan inspiration.
