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The NBA’s Top 10 Aussie Ballers: An Australia Day Tribute

January 26, 2009 · 9 Comments

Australia Day

Today is Australia Day, the 26th of January. A day in which very white people roast in the sun, sinking cold cans of beer, screaming weird obscenities in the sizzling summer heat. A day in which public drunkenness is not just accepted, but encouraged. And, of course, a day in which we celebrate basketball in Australia. And by ‘we,’ I mean Australia’s two leading NBA sites — that’s the boldest claim you’ll read today! — The Sport Count and NBA Mate.

A quick time line of basketball in Australia, just to get you prepped:

1788 – 1992: No one knew or cared about basketball.

1992 – 1998: As Michael Jordan became an international sensation, Australia began to pay attention. Basketball exploded. It was celebrated and cherished: NBA Action was a weekly fixture on Channel Ten; every school erected a hoop; kids traded Fleers for Upper Decks; Alonzo Mourning, Penny Hardaway and Shaquille O’Neal were household names. Every kid dreamed of playing in the NBL, our flourishing national league.

1998 – Current: The greatest game on earth is a niche sport, followed by dedicated few, loved by a minimal faithful. The NBL is in dire straits, wrecked by poor administration, flagging attendance, and an alarming economic climate.

With basketball struggling in our nation, two sites come together to celebrate the Top 10 Australian Ballers: those great humans who’ve shaped the roundball game down under; those exceptional athletes who’ve done their best to draw attention away from the grotesque tedium of cricket, and the big hits of rugby league. Let’s go:

1. Andrew Bogut: Before Andrew Bogut came on the scene there were essentially two types of Aussies that made it to the NBA: 1) Really tall guys (Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke, Chris Anstey) who were good at being tall and 2) Great outside shooters (Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze) who were good at shooting threes. Read more about Andrew Bogut at NBA Mate.

Michael Jordan.

A real basketball legend. Also pictured: Michael Jordan.

2. Luc Longley: 7′2″, 292lbs.

NBA Averages: 7.2 points, 4.9 rebounds, 1.0 block (1991-’92 to 2001-’01).

NBL Averages: 1.0 point, 1.5 rebounds, 0.5 assists (in two games with the Perth Wildcats, 1986).

After an impressive college career at New Mexico (he averaged 19.1 points, 9.2 rebounds and 3.6 assists in his senior year), Longley was taken by the Timberwolves with the 7th pick in the 1991 draft (ahead of All-Stars Terrell Brandon, Dale Davis and Chris Gatling. Yes, we’re surprised Chris Gatling made an All-Star squad too).

As David Stern read the Timberwolves’ pick, Australia went wild: confetti filled the streets of Melbourne and Sydney; fireworks hailed down from the Harbour Bridge; a national holiday was instituted on the date of the draft; basketball-caressing children danced; ball-loving women wept openly in the streets.

That may be a little hyperbolic. But it was an incredible day for Australian basketball.

And — in a divine synchronicity — Longley’s ridiculously successful career with the Bulls coincided with the semi-inexplicable Australian basketball boom of the mid-90s (to give an indication, literally every child in primary school at the time collected basketball cards, even if they’d never seen a game), offering Australian hoop heads the chance to follow one of their countrymen on a championship team.

Signature Move: Winning rings. Sure, Luc possessed a couple of surprisingly silky low-post moves, and he hit the boards with the effort required to consistently tease playing time from a taskmaster like Phil Jackson… but his real skill? Bringing ‘championship heart’ to the otherwise lazy and uninspired Bulls, firing his cohorts up to the tune of three consecutive Chicago titles from 1996 to 1998. (Admittedly, the fact Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen were on these teams may have helped the championship efforts. But it was mainly Luc’s championship heart).

What’s He Famous For? Being the first Australian to play in the National Basketball Association. And being the most talented baller ever with the first name ‘Lucien.’

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? A famously easy-going fella — he’s described as a ‘free spirit’ on the famously accurate Wikipedia — it’s unlikely. Unless the three championship rings on his right hand somehow act as an effective set of brass knuckles.

3. Andrew Gaze: Andrew Gaze is the greatest basketballer in the history of Australia’s National Basketball League, and will be for all eternity… to put it simply, Andrew Gaze is the Michael Jordan of the NBL. Read more about Andrew Gaze at NBA Mate.

He's shoeless on the sideline, and yet he's still within range.

Shane Heal: shoeless on the sideline, and yet still within range.

4. Shane Heal: 6′0″, 180lbs.

NBA Averages: 2.0 points, 0.8 assists, 0.5 threes (1996-’97 with the Timberwolves, 2003-’04 with the Spurs).

NBL Averages: 20.6 points, 6.1 assists, 1.0 steal (1988 – 2009).

A top-flight local performer, the undersized Heal never gained a foothold in the NBA. Picked up by the international scouting gurus of Minnesota in the autumn of 1996, the three-point specialist faced extremely limited minutes. His best Association effort was against the Sonics in November of ‘96, when he came off the bench to drain 5 treys in 13 minutes.

Heals’ lack of stateside success was unfortunate for him, but a real boon for fans of the NBL. The Sport Count team can vividly recall the giddy excitement when we learned Shane would be moving from the Brisbane Bullets to our hometown team, the Sydney Kings, in 1996. He blew the roof off the Sydney Entertainment Centre that year, averaging 23.4 points and 5.5 dimes (and, much to our youthful delight, signing autographs after the match near the merchandise stand).

Signature Move: Draining long-range bombs from ridiculous depths. Heal is one of those rare ballers who can completely disregard the position of the three-point line, jacking up shots from 30-feet out without hesitation. His distinctive release — with the ball cocked far behind his head, like Carlos Boozer shooting from Gilbert Arenas range — was a marvel to watch.

The following clip includes brief footage of his bombing ability… and his distinctive humour, as the Australia media bores the public by getting uppity after Heal hilariously refers to his team as ‘very white’:

What’s He Famous For? It may well be his bust-up with Charles Barkley during a warm-up match at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. After the Round Mound Of Rebound smacked Heal, the pocket-sized Australian launched himself toward’s Barkley’s enormous chest, screaming at him. After the match, Barkley referred to Shane as ‘a talkative little fellow.’

The feisty Heal also had a minor run-in with Vince Carter at the 2000 Olympics:

Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze, Vince Carter, Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke.

From left: Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze, Vince Carter, Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? We might be surprised. Heal has a killer instinct. He could accurately peg a basketball at Crowe’s face from more than 100 metres away.

5. Chris Anstey: Anstey enjoyed reasonable success coming off the Mavericks bench, and actually started in 8 games. One of those starts turned into Anstey’s greatest NBA game — a 26 points, 8-rebound domination of the Boston Celtics. Read more about Chris Anstey at NBA Mate.

Bradtke (right) was unstoppable when it came to breaking up a fight.

Bradtke (right) was unstoppable when it came to breaking up a fight.

6. Mark Bradtke: 6′10″, 265lbs.

NBA Averages: 1.6 points and 1.9 rebounds (in 36 games with the Philadelphia 76ers, 1996-’97).

NBL Averages: 17.4 points, 11.3 rebounds, 1.4 blocks (from 1988 – 2007).

Bradtke was an absolute beast in the low post, with surprisingly quick footwork, and the upper body strength of a wombat (quick nature fact: wombats are grotesquely and disconcertingly muscular). In his lengthy Australian career, he took home four championship rings (two beside Andrew Gaze on the Melbourne Tigers), and represented his country in an incredible four Olympics (1988, 1992, 1996 and 2000).

His NBA career wasn’t as impressive, playing in short spurts. He was never quite big enough to dominate the competition like he could in his homeland. His best game came against the Charlotte Hornets on the 15th of March 1996: 8 points (on 57% shooting) and 10 boards in 23 minutes.

Signature Move: Rebounding, and scoring in the low-post. We’re not talking about a flashy man here.

What’s He Famous For? He’s the benchmark by which Australian centres are judged.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? By virtue of sheer physical size, probably. Though Crowe is an angry man, seething with inner turmoil, whereas Mark Bradtke just seems like a really good guy, so maybe not.

7. Lanard Copeland: Between the years of 1992 and 1999, approximately 82% of every dunk or alley-oop performed in the NBL was actually performed by Lanard Copeland. He was the guy that brought the essence of the NBA — crazy athleticism, soaring dunks, and black men — to Australia’s National Basketball League. Read more about Lanard Copeland at NBA Mate.

A rare photo of Captain Jack playing for Sydney.

Not Stephen Jackson. But it came up when I did a Google Image Search for 'Stephen Jackson NBL,' so I figure my work is done.

8. Stephen Jackson: 6′8″, 220lbs.

NBA Averages: 15.2 points, 3.8 rebounds, 3.0 assists.

NBL Averages: 6.0 points, 0.5 boards, 1.0 assists (in four games with the Sydney Kings, 1998).

Most basketball fans aren’t aware that Captain Jack has toiled in Australia; indeed, he shared a court with Shane Heal in 1998. A second-round Suns draft pick who was waived before he played a game, Jackson had done time with the La Crosse Bobcats of the Continental Basketball Association, before hopping a flight over the Atlantic to spend some time as a Sydney King.

His NBL career was, well, not especially remarkable. His ability to dominate offensively hadn’t yet developed, and the Sydney squad seemed confused about how to use him. He played just four games by the harbour, averaging 6.0 points, 0.5 boards and 1.0 assist.

It’s unclear how many strip joints he visited in Kings Cross, Sydney’s red light district, though one assumes his agent took him on at least two or three trips. Thankfully, Australia has extremely restrictive firearm laws.

Signature Move: Apart from popping off near breast-based bars, Jackson is best known for his fiery intensity, inspirational leadership abilities, and — this year at least — his appalling shot selections (.397% from the field? You’ve ruined a lot of fantasy teams, Jackson!).

What’s He Famous For? Unfortunately, it’s the shooting thing. It should be noted that someone ran him over before he let loose with a pistol, but the fact he brought a pistol to a strip club is certainly representative of poor decision-making. He also sports one of the most ridiculous tattoos the NBA has ever seen: two praying hands holding a gun.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? Absolutely. It would play out a little something like this:

a great baller, a great guy.

A great guy, a great baller.

9. Ricky Grace: 6′1″, 180lbs.

NBA Averages: 1.3 points, 0.3 rebounds, 0.3 assists (in three games with the Hawks, 1993-’94).

NBL Averages: 18.2 points, 7.2 assists, 1.5 steals (with the Perth Wildcats from 1990-2005).

Ricky ‘Amazing’ Grace was a serious baller, a fluid, spritely point man with deadly passing instincts and the ability to break nearly any defender down off the dribble. Unfortunately, his abilities didn’t translate to the NBA. Though his ability to penetrate was obvious in a pre-season game with the Hawks:

In Australia, Grace was an icon of the National Basketball League, remaining with his Perth club for fifteen years, taking home four champions, and a Finals MVP gong in 1993. As a newly-naturalised citizen, Grace represented Australia at the 2000 Olympics.

Signature Move: Those quick cuts to the basket, and his ability to stop on a dime and squeeze off a bullet pass to an open teammate.

What’s He Famous For? Apart from his sublime abilities with the rock, Grace is also a top-notch human; he is currently the director of Role Models WA, a non-profit organisation that provides developmental and sporting support to disadvantaged Aboriginal communities in Western Australia.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? No. But he could run away very quickly.

10. Luke Schenscher: Luke can be safe in the knowledge that no other NBA player with as little as 31 career games has a website named after him. Schenschational. Read more about Luke Schenscher at NBA Mate.

Posted By: Anton & Rob of NBA Mate.

Categories: Indigenous Ballers · On The Court · Sport Count Guide
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Three Waiver Wire Pick-Ups (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Hate Spencer Hawes)

December 17, 2008 · 1 Comment

Spencer Hawes, pictured yesterday after kicking an underprivileged child.

Spencer Hawes, pictured yesterday after kicking an underprivileged child.

It goes without saying that draft day is the most important day of your fantasy season. As well as being a perfect excuse for eight grown men to drunkenly convene and intimately discuss statistics, the draft represents the sweet and sour few hours during which your fantasy foundation is cobbled together.

But – in a real boon for advocates of workplace ineffiency — that sweet day in October does not decide your fantasy fate. No, it’s the trades you pull the trigger on, and the waivers you work, that will bring you that pixelated trophy.

And so, in the interests of ‘wire freaks’ everywhere, let us examine key guys who are most likely available in your leagues.

Spencers Hawes | Sacramento Kings | PF/C: Hawes has been impressive in his sophomore year, defying the ‘law of the timeshare’ — whereby two players splitting time will both be rendered totally impotent for fantasy purposes — by averaging 11.2 points, 8.5 rebounds, 1 steal and 1 block through six December games.

But in spite of those clearly useful statistics, Hawes may still be available… assuming you, like me, play in a league stacked with die-hard liberals, university graduates, and Slate readers. Yes, Hawes is a serious Bush advocate, and also — by virtue of that fact, and self-evidently – a genuine moron.

In fact, Hawes would definitely be on the waivers in my major league — all proud softcock liberals —  if it weren’t for the terrifcally horrific fact we have a team named The Euro, comprised solely of white players. (The Euro, owned and operated by The Sport Count’s art director, is actually a pretty good team. Unfortunately).

No matter how sweet Hawes’ numbers may be, nor how high his upside, I will never draft — or trade for, or pick up — a Republican athlete. His defensive numbers are tainted by his support for the Iraq offensive. His reasonable field-goal percentage (47% for the season) is counteracted by his unreasonable politics. His energy on the boards is nothing compared to his energy stuffing barrels full of pork in the senate.

My anti-Republican fantasy stance lead to me bypassing Jeremy Shockey in my least NFL draft, instead taking Chris Cooley as my tight-end, and that worked well. Shit, I’ll take a lightly stuffed statistical box from a serious bonghead like Brad Miller before I allow my team to be dragged down by partisan squabbling from a Republican goon like Hawes.

Advice: If you were ‘totally bummed’ about Obama taking the presidency home, by all means pull the trigger on a Hawes pick up. Just to be sure to remember that your waiver move is an implicit vote for the betrayal of the Constitution.

J.R. Smith | Denver Nuggets | SG: It takes a brave general manager to chance J.R. Smith, the most inconsistent of performers, a man who is streaky even when he orders food from a drive-through (sometimes he just drives straight through after paying, leaving two double cheeseburgers in the hands of a confused Colorado fast food worker).

On the season, he’s averaging 12.9 points, 1.7 threes, and 0.8 steals, appearing for all the world like a Raja Bell clone (with extra upside) who’ll carry treys for your deep-league team.

But even owners in eight-team leagues start paying attention when explodes, as he is sporadically wont to do; yesterday against Dallas, he put up 25 points, with two treys, a steal, and five boards.

It’s just that George Karl seems to view J.R. Smith as an illegitimate child, a tedious afterthought who needs to be lavished with attention every now and then so the government doesn’t step in and demand child support. As a result, you get games where J.R. plays seven minutes — November 29th, against Minnesota, the kind of defensively inept squad that Smith could really exploit — and contributes a solitary turnover to the stat sheet.

Advice: Unless you’re privy to the inexplicable workings of George Karl’s rotations — that is, you’re Coby Karl, and you can ring your dad for advice when scouring the Yahoo waivers — you should avoid Smith. Like a beautiful woman with a cruel soul, you’ll swoon at his feet, only to have him dig his high heels right into your neck.

The original caption was Marcin Gortat wraca do NBA, which I think means funny waiver pick-up in Polish. Or maybe murder the children. I dont know.

The original caption was 'Marcin Gortat wraca do NBA,' which I think means 'funny waiver pick-up' in Polish. Or maybe 'murder the children.' I don't know.

Marcin Gortat | Orlando Magic | C: With fantasy juggernaut Dwight Howard sidelined, Polish seven-footer Gortat has been capitalising. In his past two games, he’s averaged 3.5 blocks and 8.5 boards, more than acceptable numbers from a third-tier centre. (Is he third-tier? If there are fifteen tiers, he’d have to be fourteenth-tier, right?).

This surprising spray of  hustle numbers sets the scene for a classic fantasy pick up, whereby you hit the waivers, add Gortat, then inundate your league with fantastical, comically ill-advised proclamations concerning ‘Gortat’s great play in theFrench leagues’ or ‘his incredible wingspan, which I think Stan Van Gundy loves.’

Advice: If you’ve got a spare roster spot, by all means pick him up. Not for the numbers, of course — you’re just doing your league a public service by embarrassing yourself so profoundly when you slot this great Polish lump into your starting line-up, only to be rewarded with three minutes of garbage time, and three fouls.

We’ll have more waiver wire pick-ups next week.

Posted By: Anton

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The Count Preview: Northwest Division

October 27, 2008 · Leave a Comment

'Melo swore to me that Denver will definitely go over .500 this season...'

The division that makes up roughly half of the continental United States looks to have some exciting stories this season, with the inaugural season for Oklahoma, the Oden Explosion in Oregon and the traveling comedy that will be Kevin Love’s away games. There’s also last year’s playoff contenders in Denver and Utah, both looking to repeat .500+ records in the tough Western Conference.

Denver Nuggets: After unceremoniously dropping Camby to the Clippers for $4.72 in change and two cans of Tecate, GM Mark Warkentien went ahead and picked up Chris Andersen to fill the huge, inescapable void that Camby’s absence will leave in the Nuggets’ defence. Obviously, Mark Warkentien doesn’t play fantasy basketball, or he’d realise the mistake he made. In fact, it’s a move that suggests Mark Warkentien doesn’t even watch basketball.

This error will be compounded during the All-Star break when the reformed Andersen injures both himself and ‘Melo trying to stop the Chubby Gangster from having a second bump at the wheel of his Escalade, while The Answer sits in the back saying ‘that’s nothing, I did shit ten times worse than that. Do it.’ Cue the police arriving and Denver having to start Linas Kleiza and Sonny Weems for the rest of the season.

Portland Trailblazers: Is anyone not excited about the Blazers this season? Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, Jerryd Bayless and Greg Oden. The Blazers’ front office have got to be hoping this year or next year is a ring year, because that is a whole lot of massive contracts they’re going to have to offer soon. The highlight of the season will be when Oden throws down a dunk so monstrous he lowers the entire Pacific shelf 9-feet, and half of Los Angeles disappears into the ocean.

Oklahoma City Thunder: The first game is a sell-out as every season ticket-holder shows up. The Ford Center retains this adrenaline-fuelled atmosphere, with Oklahoma creating a few early upset wins. Then Kevin Durant pulls a hammy, and everyone realises they don’t know the names of the rest of the team, save 23 frat boys who turn up to yell ‘hey, Castro Supreme!’ at Chris Wilcox and high-five each other.

David Stern receives a note from the entire population of Seattle saying ‘Dear David, do you see what you’ve done? You shit.’

Utah Jazz: Let’s look at this objectively. They’ve got two gold medallists in Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer, supported by Mehmet Okur and former All-Star Andrei Kirilenko, with some exciting upside in Ronnie Brewer and Paul Millsap. Even Kyle Korver is good for something. And they’re being coached by Jerry Sloan. If they don’t push deep into the playoffs, the entire franchise should be dropped to the D-League.

Minnesota Timberwolves: Now that everyone has worked out that Al Jefferson is All-Star material, and teams have begun collapsing on him, there will be pressure on the rookie Kevin Love to pick up some of the slack. Unfortunately, he won’t, and Minnesota fans will divide their time between bitterly tracking O.J. Mayo’s exciting rookie season, and betting on the spread Vegas is offering on Kevin Love’s foul-to-points ratio.

Posted by: Alex

Read the Atlantic Division preview here.

Categories: On The Court · Sport Count Guide
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Draft 2008 Update: Why White Is Still Not Right

October 20, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Minnesota #42 Kevin Love waits on the team bus after fouling out ludicrously early.

After fouling out ludicrously early, Minnesota #42 Kevin Love listens to Harry Potter on audio book while his teammates finish playing Denver.

Some might suggest it is too early to arbitrate on whether this year’s crop are busts, but we are not those.

This isn’t even so much a matter of opinion. It is observation. Back in June of this year, The Sport Count was vociferous in its warnings to all NBA General Managers: do not draft Kevin Love, we said. Do not draft white ever, especially with a high pick, because this happens. We were unequivocal about this, and it seems we have been vindicated. It’s not even like we’re happy about it. We’re more just mystified: if three Australians can see these simple truths, why can’t GMs on million-dollar salaries?

Before we get even more upset, let’s have a look at recent developments in 2008 Rookie news.

Minnesota’s boxscore against Denver (19 October) from NBA.com:

It’s a little difficult to make out, but yes, that does say Kevin Love fouled out after 11 minutes. After contributing 5 points, and an earth shattering single rebound. Bad numbers can be the result of a bad game, but in a game where not a single one of your teammates picked up more than 3 fouls, in a full quota of minutes, fouling out is not having a bad game – it’s being a draft bust.

However, full credit to Kevin for actually playing in the NBA Preseason. The same can’t be said for our favourite Eurobust, Danilo Gallinari. After missing all of the Knicks’ preseason games, the New York Post is now reporting that Gallinari will likely be starting in the D-League. This is the 6th overall pick, starting in the D-League. Isiah Thomas’ strong recommendations about an unproven Italian didn’t work out — who’d have guessed?

Posted by: Alex, Anton & James

Categories: Draft Talk · NBA Mysteries · Off The Court · On The Court · Whitey Watch
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Fantasy Draft: Tips For The Most Important Night Of The Year

October 10, 2008 · 4 Comments

a lot of upside.

Gay: a lot of upside.

Things have been fairly quiet on The Sport Count website this week.

But our offices have been extremely busy, and horrifically noisy, as each member of the team dedicates every waking hour to reading draft kits (’draft Ramon Sessions!’) and Brandon Funston articles (’Dwight Howard is a very bad free throw shooter!’). Because this Friday night, it’s The Count Cup draft.

We’ve got a top-notch wine bar booked out; eight teams vying for the league’s best players — not to mention the world’s most delicious viogniers. Count editor James has been working on a draft board David Stern would love to stand in front of. And so, with statistics and pre-draft rankings on our mind, we offer some tips for the big night.

Always Go For Upside:

Because even if the upside never turns up, at least you got to spend the season emailing your league with the claim ‘this is the week Tyrus Thomas crosses over. He’s going to explode. Look at the game log! He had two blocks against Minnesota last week!’

You’ll also entertain your league when you sincerely promise ‘there’s no way I’d swap Paul Pierce for Brandan Wright. This is the week Brandan Wright explodes!’

Don’t Draft White:

Count the number of fantasy relevant white players in the NBA. Done? Okay, now count them just on your right hand. Finished? Now use your six remaining fingers to do something constructive.

If two players — one black, one white — have identical numbers, avoid white. Their defensive numbers only drop off. They never get better. John Hollinger could prove this.

If Chris Kaman threatens to 'eat your body flesh' if you don't draft him, I guess you should draft him.

Reason to draft Chris Kaman: He says 'If you will not draft me, I will eat your body flesh.'

Don’t Hermann:

After averaging 20 points and 6 boards for a busted Bobcats squad in April ‘07, many fantasy pundits bet on a big year for Walter in ‘07-’08, drafting him around the tenth round, all touting the Argentinian as a real sleeper pick. Walter rewarded that faith by averaging 3 points and 1.6 boards last season.

There’s an analogy I like in Daniel Plainview’s latest set of draft tips: ‘a little bit of drainage in the night does not mean you will have an entire oil field in the morning. So, I’m avoiding Ramon Sessions this year.’

'I will not be drafting Andrea Bargnani either, not even in the last pick of the last round.'

If You’re In A 16 Team League, And You’re About To Make Your Fifteenth Pick, You Should Still Not Select The Man On The Left, Nor The Man On The Right:

Unless Turnovers are a positive category in your league.

Unless Turnovers are a positive category in your league.

Posted By: Anton, James & Alex

Categories: Fantasy Basketball · Sport Count Guide
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