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Entries tagged as ‘LeBron James’

Notes From The Game: Bulls Vs. Cavaliers

November 6, 2008 · No Comments

evidently quite good at basketball.

Derrick Rose: evidently quite good at basketball.

As real Obama freaks, The Sport Count team have been in Chicago all week. But we figured it was worth a trip out to Cleveland to see the The President’s Own Team in action. Here are some brief notes from the game:

Look at this photo while blasting Coolio. It works.

Look at this photo while blasting Coolio. It works.

- Turns out cornrows are back, if they ever left at all. Both Delonte West and Thabo Sefolosha have them; both look like extras from Dangerous Minds. Then there’s Drew Gooden’s Pirates Of The Caribbean effort. He’s calling it ‘The Johnny’ for reasons I’m too physically disgusted to discuss.

- In other follicular news, Mike Brown clearly worked on a tight little goatee in the off-season. It’s my second favourite off-season beard change, just after — who else? — Big Poppa Popovich.

- Derrick Rose can get to the hoop. Quickly. It’s preternatural, all instinct, like the five defenders he’s just beaten aren’t there. And he doesn’t need tricks to do it either; no killer crossover, or pre-drive pump fake, nor Tony Parker-esque circus shots. Like Monta Ellis and Chris Paul, he just sees the ring, attaches the ball to an invisible string, and takes a couple of easy steps forward. Rose ends the night with 20 points and seven assists.

- It remains difficult to believe that Anderson Varejao is good at basketball; he looks too ridiculous, like a 1970s soccer star, or a flip flop-sporting exchange student visiting Southern California. Or Pablo Escobar’s second-best bodyguard. n some ways, I guess he isn’t particularly good at basketball. His shot-taking instincts remain fairly comical, and his passing game is non-existent at best, grotesque at worst. But the energy and intensity is palpable, and the Cavaliers look much stronger with him out there.

only scores points by accident.

Ben Wallace: only scores points by accident.

- It’s been written, said or sung so very many times before, but if Ben Wallace wasn’t on such a brutally fat contract, would he seriously be getting more than 10 minutes a game? Yes, okay, he can still put on the occasional rebounding clinic — he grabs 14 boards tonight, including a memorable series in which Busted Ben rises above every single Bull to bring down two consecutive offensive boards.

But it kills your team when you give a big man 28 minutes and he rewards you with zero points on 0-2 shooting. In fact, he’s averaging 2.0 points for the season. In other words, the Cavaliers are playing four-on-five on offense (and three-on-five when Wally Szczerbiak isn’t firing). Unacceptable. It has to end.

- In the second quarter, we see Ben Gordon fire a pinpoint pass straight to no one. Just one of many manifestations of a Bulls team that remains confused and disorganised. (Gordon, however, was one of the bright spots for Chicago tonight, putting up 31 points on 11-19. Cue fantasy owners figuring Ben is back in form, only to be rewarded by 6 points at 16% in his next game).

- Have the Bulls given up on Joakim Noah? He’s played just 23 minutes total in the past three games, and his efforts haven’t exactly made the case for more — he’s had four points and four caroms in that time. Ugly. You figure he could still be sold high, considering his length, and rawness (general managers love rawness — it means they can talk about ‘development’ a lot), and his fairly recent glory days in Florida. Time to hit the phones, John Paxson. Try the Bobcats. They’re in need of power forward who isn’t 18% pie, and Michael Jordan is easily fleeced.

- After his sub-par last season, and a terrible one point (on 0-8 shooting) effort against the Magic two nights ago, Luol Deng (18 points, seven boards) seems to have semi-remembered how basketball works. Key facts he has been reminded of: put the ball in the hoop, pass to players dressed in the same colour as you, don’t just stand there when a loose ball is nearby.

- LeBron James has developed a low-post game. Jesus christ. He’s still getting better!

- End score: 107-93. It briefly seemed like the Bulls might make a game of it… and then LeBron came in, sank a lay-up (plus one), tipped in a miss, and hit a jumper. He finished with 41.

‘That’s me,’ Bron Bron told the media. ‘When it’s time for me to go out and close a game, that’s what I’m capable of doing.’ He’s a self-aware guy.

Posted By: Anton

Totally unrelated, but if you’d like to see the best jersey in the world, as seen at the Nuggets-Warriors game, click on.

(more…)

Categories: On The Court
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The Count Preview: Southeast Division

October 28, 2008 · No Comments

citizens are currently considering a motion by Dwyane Wade to rename the beach Dwyane Wade.

Miami's South Beach: citizens are currently considering a motion by Dwyane Wade to rename the beach 'Dwyane Wade.'

Miami Heat: With Shaq out of town, crime in Miami skyrockets, and the beleagured police force call on the heightened talents of their city’s basketball team to help out: Wade is able to run down and catch any thief on foot and most any thief in cars; Beasley talks such epic trash that even hardened criminals break down in tears; and Chris Quinn spends his off-court time mixing potions that either restore the flagging energy of Miami’s police force or add +1 to Marion’s mana.

Erik Spoelstra has marginal success in his first season as coach, taking Miami to 25 wins, largely due to the answers he gets to his coaching inquiries on Yahoo! fantasy forums. His off-court time is spent blazing up with Mario Chalmers and referring to Pat Riley as “Old Father Time.”

Charlotte Bobcats: What will Larry Brown bring to the franchise this year? It’s well known that Charlotte are probably one mid-level player away from genuine play-off contention, when things are going right. If J-Rich, Gerald Wallace, Okafor and Felton can contribute for a full season, Charlotte could pull off some surprising upsets and finish the regular season with a shot at the 8th spot.

This, however, ignores the very real possibility that Felton cracks it over the decision to draft yet another point guard who will challenge for his spot, and demands a trade, thus disrupting team chemistry — which will see Adam Morrison out for three weeks with an injured tear duct.

There are at least two further major concerns: is Gerald Wallace’s brain still functioning, and will another knock render him disabled; and what will be the atrocious decision Michael Jordan makes this year?

Atlanta Hawks: The big question on everyone’s mind will be the effect Josh Childress’ absence will have on Atlanta’s depth and presence off the bench. While this will be an unknown quantity until the season starts, The Sport Count has the answer to the second biggest question on everyone’s mind: yes, there is now a huge excess of weed in Atlanta as a result of Childress’ move.

J-Smoove’s off-season signing to $58M should placate him enough to continue being ridiculous on the defensive end, and Joe Johnson should return to his marksmanship ways. With Al Horford only getting better, look for this team to still be in contention in the second round of the playoffs. Don’t look for Mike Bibby though, who will by that time have sprained both wrists, broken his neck, accidentally gnawed one of his legs off, and covered his head in so many bad tattoos he is no longer recognisable.

Washington Wizards: This is just frustrating. If Washington had their All-Star trio of Arenas, Jamison and Butler all healthy, they’d probably one of the most exciting teams to watch in the East. As it is, Antawn hurt himself before the season, Gilbert is unsurprisingly out due to his terrible rehab routine, Caron is almost as fragile as T-Mac, and starting Center Brendan Haywood is potentially out for the season. Talk about starting on the back foot. If the Wiz can overcome these injury concerns and post a reasonable record, it will be one of the great achievements of the season.

The one horrible inevitability is that injuries will mean Nick Young gets more court-time, which will result in him jacking up so many ill-advised shots that it’ll make Larry Hughes look like Ray Allen.

Orlando Magic: Is there any chance they won’t top the division? Dwight is continuing to put up the kind of numbers that destroy small towns, Turkoglu is coming off a career season that all the pundits think will be repeated, Rashard Lewis is playing well enough that you forget he gets paid as much as Kobe and 50% more than LeBron, and Jeff Van Gundy has been signed to ESPN to now Stan can stop worrying what his lovable-but-mentally-deficient brother is doing and actually concentrate on the game. All signs point to the Magic being a dominant force in the Eastern Conference.

The highlight will be when Dwight offers to correct the geological problem Oden caused on the west coast by starting his run-up in Philly and dunking the Chrysler building.

Posted by: Alex

Categories: Off The Court · Sport Count Guide
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The Roster Rater: Boston Celtics

September 8, 2008 · 2 Comments

Last week, The Roster Rater examined the toilet that is the collective salaries of the New York Knicks. This week, focus shifts to their Atlantic Division competition, and reigning NBA champions, the Boston Celtics.

contracts justified by the humour alone.

The Big Three: contracts justified by the humour alone.

The Boston Celtics | Total Salary: $80,046,767

There was a time, not too long ago, when Danny Ainge was looked upon with scorn and genuine suspicion. He was a front office mistake, a walking testament to the Old Boys Network that places unqualified former players into positions of power. Each off-season, Ainge would boast of ‘youth movements’ and ‘moving forward’ and ‘getting better next year,’ but each year the Boston faithful were treated to bad signings, average draft picks, and a team that simply could not gel. Paul Pierce wanted out. The team floundered. The glory of Celtic teams passed seemed a million miles away; TD Bankworth represented misery and lost hope, Boston fans dreaming of the parquet floor of the Boston Garden.

Then, thank the basketball gods, the Celtics moved forward. The team, packed with upside-heavy youngsters and inoffensive rookie contracts, was in the perfect position to pounce when the next superstar hit the trading block.

Ray Allen was brought into Beantown and, all of a sudden, Kevin Garnett could imagine himself leaving the dark green of the Wolves behind for the light green of the Celts. And, well, you know how that turned out: the Celtics were reintroduced to their long lost friend, the Larry O’Brien Trophy.

Kevin Garnett | $24,750,000 | 4 years

Yes, sure, this is a great deal; KG brought glory back to Boston, finally ridding the Garden of the Ghost of Len Bias, and he’s the reigning Defensive Player Of The Year. We get it!

My issue is the future. You’ve got a guy who is literally anti-clutch, who has dedicated the last 31 years of his life to getting a ring, and now he’s got one. So what happens next? Does he fire up for next year? Does he go missing for the next three years like he did in throughout much of the playoffs? Does he throw in his jersey, preparing himself for a serious run at next year’s World Series of Poker?

Now that he has that ring, will the desire still be there?

Paul Pierce | $18,077,903 | 3 years

Do you pay $18M to a guy who out-performed the MVP to become the Finals MVP, went clutch to make up for KG’s inability to do so, and consequently captained his team to an NBA Championship? Do you spend this money on athlete described by LeBron as having the second best footwork in the game?

Everyone in the world: ‘Yes.’

Ray Allen | $17,388,430 | 2 years

The good news: Ray is a shooter, and shooters age better than most.

Unlike point guards, spot-up shooters aren’t constantly copping big hits in the lane. Unlike big men, they don’t have 250+ pounds bearing down on their fragile little ankles. Indeed, a shooter can remain effective as long as his wrists aren’t broken, and his eyeballs work.

The bad news? Ray is, for the most part, only a shooter. You’re paying him big money to sink big buckets, and if he isn’t hitting them, you’re wasting cash. Cut to the post-season just past, games six and seven against Cleveland, both series clinchers: Ray goes 4-14 in seventy minutes. That hurts.

It comes down to this: as his age creeps upwards, can Ray stay hot more often than not?

Kendrick Perkins | $4,078,880 | 3 year

Our buddies over at PerkisaBeast.com got it right with their URL. This a great contract for a dude who is more than a great role player — he’s a solid starter. When KG goes missing, Perk is the man, and you can conceivably see him linking up with a Rondo to form a poor man’s Hornets when the Big Three start nodding off in their armchairs.

A white man, yesterday.

A white man, yesterday.

Brian Scalabrine | $3,206,897 | 2 years

Look at these averages from last season:

  • 6.2 points
  • 5.6 rebounds
  • 2.8 assists

Most people would agree that such solid numbers are easily worth $3M to a championship winning side. Those figures are exactly the sort of output you want from your role guys. Only, ah, hmmm… the catch is, those are per-36 minute averages. Brian averaged 10 minutes per game last season, so in reality, his averages were more like this

  • 1.8 points @ .309 FG%
  • 1.6 rebounds

That’s disgusting.

We’ll have to assume the humour of having a big idiot idiot redhead on an Irish-influenced team makes up for his lack of performance

Eddie House | $2,650,000 | 2 years

On a bad team, House would be a liability. Imagine him signed to the Isiah-era Knicks, where players signed contracts first, shot second, and played defense last — he’d be called on to carry the offense, and grotesque inefficiency would ensue.

Place him on a good team, however, and House is a serious asset. He’s energetic, spreading the floor, shooting without thinking, contributing short bursts of hustle and gusto. He’s a classic 8th or 9th option — unpredictable, but sporadically deadly. And he’s paid accordingly (take note, Jannero Pargo).

Rajon Rondo | $1,646,784 | 1 Year

You’ve got to love rookie contracts. At this price, Rondo is an absolute steal.

He’ll no doubt be appropriately compensated when his contract is up, but until then Rondo is doing alright: he has more than enough gold coins to buy bows, elixirs, and extra mana.

JR Giddens | $957,120 | 2 years

Some things to know about JR Giddens:

  • In 2005, he was stabbed in the calf in a bar fight, requiring 30 stitches
  • He has his first initial - J - tattooed on his left tricep, and his last initial - G - tattooed on his right tricep.
  • He was selected 26 June this year with the 30th overall pick, and just weeks later declined to train with the Celts at their mini-camp because he hadn’t signed a contract.

Stupid tattoos, a violent history and a bad attitude? Those are the makings of an NBA superstar.

Darius Miles | $1,070,118 | 1 years

No one expected to hear these words used to describe a contract signed by Darius Miles: not bad.

Not bad at all. At such a low price, Miles could spend training camp punching cones, playing Madden ‘08, and bathing in cough syrup, and he’d still be reasonable value. Despite the ‘career-ending injury’ which sent Darius packing from Portland, scouts and NBA heads claim Miles still has gas in the tank.

Worst case scenario? He’s a busted embarrassment, too unfit to make it through the ten games necessary to kill Kevin Pritchard’s soul (and the Blazers’ salary cap), and Ainge waives him. Best case? He’s a cheap, easy James Posey replacement, capable of attacking defenses, freeing up the wings, and inspiring the team with his relentless hustle. The reality is likely to be somewhere in the middle.

Patrick O’Bryant | $1,500,000 | 2 years

The Celtics would have signed Patrick Fitzgerald O’Bryant on his name alone. The actual figure he receives is completely arbitrary — if it took a max contract to get him, that’s what they would have paid. This was their opportunity to buy a mascot, to buy the essence of the what the Celtics are. In fact, they almost launched legal proceedings against Golden State for ‘drafting players whose parents named them for the sole purpose of playing for the Celtics.

When Patrick turned up in Beantown and his African-American heritage became evident, David Angell immediately flew in to develop a hit sitcom about it.

Tony Allen | $2,500,000 | 2 years

The good thing about Tony Allen is that he has the most Irish sounding name of all time, so having him on the Celtics just makes sense. I’d question whether that’s worth $2.5M, but if he gets injured he’ll be the perfect person to step into the mascot suit when Patrick O’Bryant’s actually getting some court time.

Leon Powe | $797, 581 | 1 year

Leon Powe’s personal story is actually worth $800k a year — if I had the money, I’d pay him that each year just so he could tell it to me each night on the team bus.

Gabe Pruitt | $711,517 | 1 year

Poor Gabe. After a pretty reasonable college career with the Trojans, you get drafted 32nd overall and are forced to play 4th-string point guard behind Rajon Rondo, Sam Cassell and Tony Allen. While you fight for minutes, Boston drops you to their D-League team, meaning you spend most of the season in Utah. Meanwhile, your college teammate Nick Young goes to Washington, where’s he’s given free reign to take atrocious triple attempts and to drive to the hoop in clutch-time to jack up worse lay-ups than DeShawn Stevenson.

If Gabe’s given more than 6 minutes a game, and is allowed to play more than 15 games, we’ll see what that $700k is really worth. With Sam Cassell gone and less competition for minutes at the point, I suspect it might be a bargain.

Glen Davis | $711,517 | 1 year

We like ‘Big Baby’. If you’re going to have a guy play less than two minutes a game, you want him to be on the minimum, and you want him to be able to step in when called upon. And you like the possibility he’ll one day develop into a starter. I think ‘Big Baby’ covers all of those bases with his gigantic bulbous ass.

One other thing that can be said about Big Baby’s contract: he’s better value than former LSU teammate Tyrus Thomas.

Posted by: Alex, Anton & James

Note: when expressing the years remaining on a contract, we’ve taken the team’s potential liability into account, meaning we assume a player will accept their player option. A team option is not considered a liability.

Categories: Roster Rater
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Your Guide To NBA Tattoos: Part Three

September 6, 2008 · 5 Comments

Over the past three weeks, The Sport Count has looked at the very best and very worst of NBA tattoos. Mainly the worst.

If you’ve missed Luke Walton’s dunking monkeys, Tim Duncan’s Merlin love, or Marquis Daniels’ depiction of a man shooting himself in the head with a shotgun, head over to parts one and two.

Dennis Rodman.

Who is it? Dennis Rodman, celebrated star of Geek To Freak With Dennis Rodman.

What do they appear to depict? Two angry bulls, a motorcycle blazing through the fires of hell, a crucifix, a rose, and the same ‘Celtic armband’ every young male had inked on their bicep back in ‘98 (because it’d look totally sick at the Sugar Ray gig).

Why did he get them? If we’re getting literal–and Rodman isn’t known for his love of the figurative–one assumes the Bulls are a tribute to his Chicago days.

The rose, motorcycle, and armband are easily explained: Dennis walked into his local tattoo parlour, threw a couple of hundred dollar bills at the artist, closed his eyes, spun around, and pointed at random designs on the wall.

Were they a good idea? As you know, freaks have tattoos, and geeks don’t. Dennis doesn’t want to be a geek, does he?

Who is it? DeShawn Stevenson.

DeShawn Stevenson

What does it appear to depict? It looks a whole lot like Deshawn’s surname, tattooed on his back.

Why did he get it? Stevenson’s family have a very tiny television, and were having serious problems distinguishing him from Gilbert Arenas (as if the handles, or lack thereof, weren’t a giveaway).

DeShawn solved the problem, only to realise that David Stern insists players may not be shirtless on the court. What a fascist prick.

Was it a good idea? It really depends.

No, if you plan on committing crimes shirtless. Yes, if you’re counting on an angry LeBron James coming to your house and taking every single one of your worldly possessions–including your team jerseys–on a whim.

No, if you’re in a DC nightclub trying to pick up chicks while pretending you’re Caron Butler. Yes, if you like to represent really hard while catching a tan (important if your beach needs a back-up shooting guard, and has a bunch of cap space).

Who is it? Brazil native, and noted NBA failure, Rafael Araújo. (If you’re wondering, his name is pronounced ‘Ha-fa-ew Ah-rah-oo-zhoo.’ Good news is you won’t ever have to say it, unless you land a commentary job with the Russian Basketball Super League).

What does it appear to depict? A Japanese symbol, and a dinosaur eating, um, a turkey?

Why did he get it? Brazil seems like an odd place, if you believe the internet, full of freaked out Catholics, big-arsed babes, dead baby penguins, and (according to Yahoo! Answers) ‘lots of prostitutes and transsexuals.’

If you grow up amongst that, a T-Rex hooking into a gamebird probably makes a weird kind of sense.

Was it a good idea? Calling that design an ‘idea’ may be giving it too much credit.

Who is it? Obscure Cleveland forward LeBron James.

What does it appear to depict? LeBron’s tattoo depicts the humble, but potentially apt, phrase, Chosen 1. There’s a small dot in the middle, so it looks like it could be his Diablo II character’s name (’NO SPACES ALLOWED’).

Why did he get it? When he was 15, LeBron James was a bookworm. Forget the ESPN covers and the national coverage for his high school games, the one thing that LeBron liked to do (aside from violate amateur athlete laws) was read, and his poison of choice? Harry Potter.

LeBron empathised with the central character. James was similarly blessed with remarkable skills that others did not understand, or possess. He, like Potter, was forced to live in a closet beneath the stairs. And he shared an inexplicable fondness of owls with the boy wizard. When it came time to bless the national stage with his talents, LeBron insisted on honouring his inspiration with a shout out to J.K. Rowling — the master of the literary jumpshot.

Was it a good idea? Potter references aside, it’s a bold call to put ‘Chosen 1′ on your back in enormous script.

Admittedly, it’s pretty hard to make jokes about LeBron, because he’s actually very good. But for all of that ‘humble hero’ stuff, and the ‘this is the star the NBA needed’ rhetoric (which you’re sure to hear 400 times if you start a season on NBA 2k8 with the Cavs), LeBron’s back tattoo is the most arrogant tattoo in the world.

It’s lucky he can back it up.

Posted By: Anton, Alex & James

Categories: Off The Court · Sport Count Guide · Your Guide To NBA Tattoos
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Old, Busted, Irrelevant, Useless? Here’s A Million Dollars!

September 3, 2008 · 2 Comments

Who? Danny Ferry? I'll call him back. I'm resting my feet.

'Who? Danny Ferry? I'll call him back. I'm resting my feet.'

Just when you thought Danny Ferry–that shiny-headed testament to expensive mediocrity–had stepped his game up, he reminds you why he should be fired. From HoopsWorld.com:

A report from the Cleveland Plain Dealer has linked the Cleveland Cavaliers to free agent forward Juwan Howard. They cite his numbers from Houston two years ago - 9.7 points and 5.9 rebounds in 27 minutes per game - and label him “productive.”

The last time Juwan Howard was a serious frontcourt force, Jay-Z was still retired, The Passion Of The Christ was getting panties in bunches, and Marilyn Manson was culturally relevant.

Similar story with Jamaal Magloire, who recently inked a minimum money deal with the Miami Heat — a team apparently basing its personnel decisions on the ‘hey, at least we’re not just calling up another D-Leaguer, right?’ principle. The most positive spin on Magloire we’ve seen? From Slam: ‘it can’t turn out worse than the Smush Parker signing last season.’ Unless Jamaal chokes two valets.

Sure, the veterans minimum won’t kill your cap space, and the temptation to chance a previously useful veteran is semi-understandable. But are you seriously telling me that a lumbering goon like Ol’ Man Magloire is going to help your team more than, say, Rod Benson? Does Danny Ferry really think Juwan Howard represents the frontcourt help LeBron needs?

Posted By: Anton

In breaking news: The Philadelphia Enquirer reports that the Sixers are set to sign Donyell Marshall.

More breaking news: The Sport Count reports Kevin McHale has been impressed with John Havlicek in workouts. ‘He’s still got it,’ McHale said, wearing a sweater. ‘He’s as old as time itself, but he’s still got great footwork, and he’ll be a great veteran influence on our young team.’

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Signings & Firings
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