
'Melo swore to me that Denver will definitely go over .500 this season...'
The division that makes up roughly half of the continental United States looks to have some exciting stories this season, with the inaugural season for Oklahoma, the Oden Explosion in Oregon and the traveling comedy that will be Kevin Love’s away games. There’s also last year’s playoff contenders in Denver and Utah, both looking to repeat .500+ records in the tough Western Conference.
Denver Nuggets: After unceremoniously dropping Camby to the Clippers for $4.72 in change and two cans of Tecate, GM Mark Warkentien went ahead and picked up Chris Andersen to fill the huge, inescapable void that Camby’s absence will leave in the Nuggets’ defence. Obviously, Mark Warkentien doesn’t play fantasy basketball, or he’d realise the mistake he made. In fact, it’s a move that suggests Mark Warkentien doesn’t even watch basketball.
This error will be compounded during the All-Star break when the reformed Andersen injures both himself and ‘Melo trying to stop the Chubby Gangster from having a second bump at the wheel of his Escalade, while The Answer sits in the back saying ‘that’s nothing, I did shit ten times worse than that. Do it.’ Cue the police arriving and Denver having to start Linas Kleiza and Sonny Weems for the rest of the season.
Portland Trailblazers: Is anyone not excited about the Blazers this season? Brandon Roy, LaMarcus Aldridge, Jerryd Bayless and Greg Oden. The Blazers’ front office have got to be hoping this year or next year is a ring year, because that is a whole lot of massive contracts they’re going to have to offer soon. The highlight of the season will be when Oden throws down a dunk so monstrous he lowers the entire Pacific shelf 9-feet, and half of Los Angeles disappears into the ocean.
Oklahoma City Thunder: The first game is a sell-out as every season ticket-holder shows up. The Ford Center retains this adrenaline-fuelled atmosphere, with Oklahoma creating a few early upset wins. Then Kevin Durant pulls a hammy, and everyone realises they don’t know the names of the rest of the team, save 23 frat boys who turn up to yell ‘hey, Castro Supreme!’ at Chris Wilcox and high-five each other.
David Stern receives a note from the entire population of Seattle saying ‘Dear David, do you see what you’ve done? You shit.’
Utah Jazz: Let’s look at this objectively. They’ve got two gold medallists in Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer, supported by Mehmet Okur and former All-Star Andrei Kirilenko, with some exciting upside in Ronnie Brewer and Paul Millsap. Even Kyle Korver is good for something. And they’re being coached by Jerry Sloan. If they don’t push deep into the playoffs, the entire franchise should be dropped to the D-League.
Minnesota Timberwolves: Now that everyone has worked out that Al Jefferson is All-Star material, and teams have begun collapsing on him, there will be pressure on the rookie Kevin Love to pick up some of the slack. Unfortunately, he won’t, and Minnesota fans will divide their time between bitterly tracking O.J. Mayo’s exciting rookie season, and betting on the spread Vegas is offering on Kevin Love’s foul-to-points ratio.
Posted by: Alex
Read the Atlantic Division preview here.



