THE SPORT COUNT

Entries tagged as ‘Jason Kidd’

Your Guide To NBA Girlfriends: Part One

January 23, 2009 · 1 Comment

It can’t be easy partnering up with a professional basketballer. They’re away half the year, constantly surrounded by the temptations of life on the road, and — if Cribs is anything to go by — they spend a frightening amount of cash on gargantuan lounges suites, excessive televisions, and inexplicable statues. And so, we give the wives and girlfriends of the league their due, with part one of The Sport Count Guide To NBA Girlfriends:

Tony Parker & Eva Longoria.

Tony Parker & Eva Longoria.

Latina.com isn’t all that great an e-magazine: it’s a place where you can learn how to make Pastel de Choclo a la Chilota, and their only advertisements are for boxed sets of Ugly Betty and really bombastic diamond rings. I’m hoping, in time to come, Eva and Tony do their part for Latin America’s premier female publication by finally becoming interesting. Maybe finally release a sex tape. Or at least  become imbroiled in a really unsavoury tax scandal. C’mon! We’re dying over here! Throw us a freaking bone, perfection!

Yao Ming & Yi Li.

Yao Ming & Yi Li.

It’s the love story of two excessively tall ballers from China, grappling with the communism of their homeland and the American capitalist system that provides them wealth and status. The climax occurs when Hu Jintao forces them to breed a Superbaby, whose affable nature and gigantism is loved the world over, hence healings the wounds between the East and West. He then marries Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy’s daughter. I’d buy the rights, but I’m pretty sure Ang Lee did that in ’99.

Jason & Jumana Kidd.

Jason & Jumana Kidd.

You love your job, yeah? I know I don’t. Maybe if I did I’d decide to deck my person, house, wife, kid and stuffed toys out in everything that represents my job. Then again, maybe I wouldn’t, because maybe that would be a blatant display of my excellent fortune, hence rubbing it in faces of everyone who spends Monday mornings hoping they’ll fall on the stairs and break their arm on the way out of the house. Thanks Jason and Jumana and your adorable chubster, you’ve really ruined my day.

Lebron & Savannah

Lebron & Savannah

Haha. This is a really funny photo, because you see in this picture here? It’s his cousin. She was in town for the month and so he was all ‘hey Brie, would it be cool for me to take Savannah to the Compton Celebrity Ballgame Fundraiser?’ And I was all ‘sure, I think that’s a real nice thing for you to do for your cuz, Bron’ and that was that… until People magazine got it typically wrong and said Savannah was his woman. I mean, isn’t that just the funniest thing?!*

*Suit pending.

Mehmet & Yeliz Okur

Mehmet & Yeliz Okur

I can’t believe no one told me that there’s a New Year Super Crazy Price Eastern Border Sale on formal wear! I think I’ll send a telegram order through for the village catalogue. Hopefully those orphans don’t colour outside the lines again.

Posted By: Brie

Categories: Off The Court · Sport Count Guide · Your Guide To NBA Girlfriends
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Mark Cuban Still Loves The Kidd Trade. Seriously. Honestly. Still Loves It. It’s Awesome, Right?

December 26, 2008 · 1 Comment

Cap space, yesterday.

Cap space, yesterday.

Noted dotcom freak and serial pest Mark Cuban still loves the trade that brought a dying, semi-blind Jason Kidd to the Mavericks:

While it has become extremely popular in all parts of the NBA world to criticize Cuban and the Mavericks for trading Harris, Cuban remains steadfast in his belief that it was a good deal for Dallas. The flexibility the Mavericks will have because of the trade has been overlooked [...] “We can do whatever we want to do [in 2010],” Cuban said.

See? It was such a great trade for the Mavericks.

Sure, they did give up arguably the best point guard in the Eastern Conference — a man currently averaging 24.0 points, 6.8 dimes and 1.5 steals – and received only a steely-eyed wifebeater with rapidly fading basketball abilities in return. And yes, the addition of Kidd did absolutely nothing for their playoff efforts last season, the veteran successfully leading his new squad to a 4-1 beatdown at the hands of a young Hornets team.

cap space. Wait, does that polyester mix shirt lead to cap space in 2010?

Not pictured: cap space. Wait, does that polyester mix shirt lead to cap space in 2010?

And yeah, keeping Harris — whom one suspects would have thrived under the looser reins of Rick Carlisle — would have given the Mavericks the offensive firepower they need (and allowed them the freedom to offload the bong-loving, anthem-hating cult hero that is Josh Howard. As it is, Kidd’s lack of scoring punch means Howard stays around to fill the bucket). And okay, Harris isn’t a complete defensive liability like Kidd.

But somehow — and Cuban must thank the lord each day for this kind fact — the Mavericks managed to dig themselves out of the salary cap hole that Devin Harris’ shockingly reasonable $8.5-million-or-so per year had dug them into. No longer do the Mavericks have to trouble themselves with winning now, with a roster stacked with guys playing inexplicably well (who won’t be able to keep it up)* — they’ve got a big, fat salary cap ace up their sleeve, and they’re poised to pull it out come 2010.

Hell, who wouldn’t want to come join a 32-year old German and his 33-year old friend ‘Jet’ for a good old title run? With so many major franchises already setting themselves up with loads of cap space — New Jersey, New York, the Pistons — why wouldn’t the Mavericks, and their crazed owner, be at the top of the priority list?

I don’t know. Maybe Mark is right. He is, after all, extremely rich, and I’ve never heard of a wealthy idiot (Donald Trump, for the sake of this argument, is not an idiot). It’s just that — for all the Chris Wallace-esque crowing about ‘cap space’ and ‘planning for the future’ — if I were a Dallas fan, I’d rather have the electrifying youngster who hasn’t yet reached his peak than the dubious promise that 2010 holds.

*Sorry Brandon Bass and J.J. Barea, I do mean you.

Posted By: Anton

Categories: Trade Talk
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The Count Preview: Southwest Division

October 30, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Bruce Bowen is thinking "Can I get away with biting him on the neck?"

Bruce Bowen is thinking "Can I get away with biting into his neck?"

Houston Rockets: Any real basketball fan hopes that this is the season T-Mac shakes the monkey and gets his team through the first round of the playoffs. T-Mac, Yao and Artest with a great supporting cast: it should be a return to Houston’s former glory of only about a decade ago.

It’s just so sad though. We know what’s going to happen, and it crushes our collective heart. T-Mac will break down. Yao will once again be defeated by the laws of physics and crush his fragile feet. Maybe they can hit say, 40 wins, bench these two for the rest of the regular season, and hope the role players can wrangle the next 10 or so wins that gets them 8th spot in the West. If Houston can stay healthy, the toughest division in the league just got even tougher.

Hang on, no. Because that would mean Ron Artest becomes the de facto team leader, which is questionable for two reasons: one, he’d have to not be suspended, which is only ever a 50% chance with the Don; and two, even if he isn’t suspended, do you let Ron Artest give advice to your younger players?

San Antonio Spurs: Who cares? The team is basically unchanged, so my prediction remains unchanged — they will challenge for the conference final, in yet another victory for stupidly boring basketball and bad sportsmanship.

Bar Spurs fans, is there anyone out there who doesn’t hope the entire team gets brought up on charges of bringing the game into disrepute and booted to the D-league? Is there a less enjoyable team to watch (okay, maybe Detroit)? Is there a less likable group of players, even given the fact they’ve ditched Horry? Is there anyone who doesn’t hope Bruce Bowen hard fouls Ron Artest and gets repaid with a straight shot to the chin like Ron-Ron landed on that Turtle-looking-fella at Auburn Hills?

Memphis Grizzlies: How could you dislike the Grizz this season? They’re basically a bunch of young kids who were playing pick-up and sent a letter to David Stern saying “mind if we have a crack at the NBA?”

O.J. Mayo proved in the preseason that he’s not daunted by playing in the NBA. Rudy Gay is one of the most electrifying, and dominant, young talents in the league. This alone should make the team likable. But then they’ve got an upside-laden young point guard in Conley, who will be amazing if he ever stops gaming, the brother of a proud racist and a centre with genuine hustle in Marc Gasol, and rookie power forward Darrell Arthur, who slipped too far in the draft due to concerns about a heart condition. Someone will one day make a movie about the 2008-2009 Grizzlies, who will only just scrape over twenty wins, but through the adversity will learn the true meaning of friendship.

Dallas Mavericks: Let’s not skirt around the issue. Dallas are too old now. They’re just too old. Their time has passed, and they’re irrelevant. You can imagine them all standing around when electricity was invented going “pfft — nothing will ever replace the good old steam engine.”

Jerry Stackhouse, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Eric Dampier, and Devean George are all ancient. Even if they’re still functional, they’ll get injured, or will spend too much time thinking about how they’re going to spend their millions when they retire in the next two years.

Moreover, how much confidence would you have in the coming years? Your GM has just traded a potential All-Star point guard (Devin Harris) away for a wife-beating grey hair (Jason Kidd), and then signed DeSagana Diop to almost $30M worth of contract. WTF. Did Cuban green-light that contract based on how many blocks Diop gets in fantasy leagues? It’s all just bad news at Dallas.

New Orleans Hornets: Unbelievably, everyone’s second favourite team managed to only get better over the off-season with the signing of ring-magnet James Posey. Adding his long range threat and clutch abilities to the talents of Chris Paul, David West, Tyson Chandler and Peja Stojakovic makes the Hornets the team to beat in the West. Yes, better than the Lakers.

Posted by: Alex

Categories: On The Court · Sport Count Guide
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There Ain’t No Party Like A Jason Kidd Party

September 8, 2008 · 1 Comment

partying too hard.

The charge: partying too hard.

Along with being arguably the best point guard since Magic Johnson, Jason Kidd is best known for the domestic abuse charges laid against him in 2001. After pleading guilty, he gave up the booze, spent every Sunday at church, and reconciled with his wife.

Sadly, in early 2007 he filed for divorce from the missus, citing ‘extreme cruelty’ during their relationship. She counter-claimed that he broke one of her ribs. Not a healthy relationship, apparently.

But we’re not here to talk about that. Forget that Kidd is a genuine triple double threat every night, despite his advanced age. Forget his marital problems.

We’re hear to focus on how much Jay Kidd loves to party. And when he throws a party, you could not compare said party to any other party — the main difference being that a Jay Kidd party does not stop. Especially back in 1994.

Put that love of partying to a beat delivered straight from Dr. Dre’s early-90s beat factory and you’re on to a real winner of a track: Jason Kidd – “What The Kidd Didd” (Featuring Money R.)

Posted By: Anton

Hosting: props to the Celeb Warship.

Categories: Basketball Rappers
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Beijing 2008: The Sport Count Awards

August 24, 2008 · 10 Comments

As the gold dust settles on Team USA’s victory over the racist Spaniards (no matter how much you slit your eyes, that medal will still be silver, bitches), we’re feeling empty.

China is about to go back to their persecuting and age falsifying ways without the glare of the world’s media scrutinising them, and The Sport Count is a little sad that there are no more medals or prizes to award for these games.

Trying to fill this void as best as we can, The Count has decided to bestow some laurel wreaths of our own on the athletes of these games past. Who will take out our top prize? The picture of the smiling man below might be a slight indicator.

"I got me a Count Award - but does Ricky Rubio?"

Most Valuable Player

Winner: Dwyane Wade | Team USA

For me, the best player should get the MVP; the person who played best, regardless of the impact on their team’s standing (hence, I would’ve voted KB24 MVP for the last 3 seasons, but they didn’t ask me). And the best player in Beijing was Dwyane Wade.

D-Wade came into the games with a whole bunch of baggage, and insisted on  being awesome. In a team focused on LeBron, Kobe, and a bit of Carmelo (yeah, we get it, he’s a prototypical international four, STFU), D-Wade was an absolute animal, showing us on fast break after fast break and front-up after front-up that he’s back, and ready to wreck in Miami (and fantasy basketball) next year.

Runner Up: Pau Gasol | Spain

I really don’t like Pau, but he was the beating heart of this Spanish team, showing why he’s regarded as a Don of the FIBA game. I’m very very glad he lost, and I hope Sun Yue puts some poison in his Orangina, or similarly freaky Euro-drink in training camp, but he certainly put up some great performances.

Most Likely Future Draft Pick

Winner: Ricky Rubio | Spain

Next Summer, Ricky will still be ineligible for the draft, which will leave him plenty of time to join best pal Frodo Baggins in a quest or two. After  that, it’s a deadset lock that this little fella will be plying his trade in the hardwood of some lucky lottery team.

Getting a start in the Olympic Finals, and dropping some nifty no-lookers in the  process, little Ricky is sure to be an NBA rotation player for at least a couple  of years to come (but that jersey name has to go).

Runner Up: Patrick Mills | Australia

In short, The Count’s favourite point guard. The future of Australian ball is in good shape, with Mills certain to join Australian bigs Andrew Bogut and Nathan Jawai in the NBA in the very near future. If he can work on his jumpshot and develop a CP3-esque runner, Mills is going to be bonkers — you heard it here first (seriously, you did).

Biggest Idiot

Winner: The Entire Spanish Team | Land of Racism

Read here. These guys are arseholes. For the first and only time, I’ll use Jason Kidd’s words (via Yahoo) to articulate a point:

‘We would’ve been already thrown out of the Olympics [...] At least, we wouldn’t have been able to come back to the U.S. There would be suspensions.’

Damn straight there would’ve been suspensions, and so there should’ve been. This was shocking behaviour from rich, grown men who should know that their cultural mimickery might have implications outside of their perceived meaning in Spain.

Runner Up: Chris Kaman | Germany (?)

From a legitimate disgrace, to a light hearted one: when your own father thinks you’re an idiot, it’s time to take a look in the mirror. Kaman can now look forward to a summer spent being called a traitor by his family, and trying to win back the love of his coalminer father.

Biggest What-ifs?

Winner: Andrew Bogut | The Boomers

Bogut’s ankle injury was the turning point of the games. (Keep in mind we’re Australian, and watching a fair amount of post-Olympic highlights packages, so we’re feeling v. patriotic). If Bogut doesn’t hobble off in the first quarter of the quarter finals against the Redeemers, I guarantee that Australia would’ve won the Gold.

I flat out guarantee it. (As we speak, I’m bidding on an Upper Deck Bogut auto and riding a Kangaroo).

Runner Up: Manu Ginobli

When Manu hobbled off in the semis against the USA, Argentina were toast. With Manu on the floor, as much a talisman as anything else, you never know how many treys and eye gouges the Argentinians would’ve thrown at the Americans, which might’ve resulted in a positive result for the Argies, and this will remain a hot topic in the post tournament wrap ups to come.

Posted by: James

Categories: Olympic Games · The Sport Count Awards
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