As a result, the schedule is greeted with great fanfare. Like a new baby, this fresh timetable is exciting for a few minutes, but when you get it home it can’t talk, walk, or do anything of interest. It just sits there, dribbling on itself.

Despite the relative tedium inherent in a schedule, the few ball journos forced to squeeze out content despite the lack of news treat us to date-by-date analysis, and tedious lists of the ‘must-watch games.’

Lost in the flood are the must-miss games; those events unlikely to inspire, sure to be quickly forgotten. Let’s run them down:

An accurate representation of what this game will entail: LeBron doing great things while the Raptors watch.

Wednesday October 28th | Toronto Raptors @ Cleveland Cavaliers

The Cavaliers kick off the season with a scorcher, hosting their semi-nemesis Celtics. It’s everything you could want in a season opener: a slightly re-tooled, hopefully healthy Boston crew — boasting new acquisitions in Rasheed Wallace’s ghost, and Shelden William’s head — going-head-to-head with the indisputable best in the game, LeBron James.

That’s the 27th of October. The 28th? A little less inspiring.

Unless you’re a Cavalier freak primed to get your rocks off to a Bron Bron explosion, this will be a serious clunker. Expect Chris Bosh and his lily-white band of Euroballers to look confused, and then be abused — on the boards, in the paint, anywhere that requires a serviceable big man. This will not be a good game for basketball fans north of the border; the inevitable beatdown an early taste of a season primed for mediocrity.

Friday November 13th | Houston Rockets @ Sacramento Kings

The Rockets: no Yao, Ron gone, no legitimate centre, Tracy McGrady either shipped somewhere or sobbing quietly into his street clothes.

The Kings: Kevin Martin scoring a tonne, no other player showing any sign whatsoever that they should be playing high-level professional basketball, Spencer Hawes boring his teammates by constantly railing against the Obama presidency.

Tickets should be given away in potato chip packets, not sold from a box office.

(Oh, and it’s Friday the 13th, so it’s not outside the realm of possibility that McGrady sees a black cat in the Arco Arena parking lot and dies of fright).

Sunday December 6th | Washington Wizards @ Detroit Pistons

Two of Kwame Brown’s almae matres face off in a titanic struggle of bad contracts and sub-standard performers.

Tune in and see Ben Gordon and Gilbert Arenas go a collective 10-48 from beyond the arc.

Other potential highlights include: Caron Butler, who should be well and truly in street clothes six weeks into the season; Rip Hamilton hobbling about, half as charming as you remember; Tayshaun Prince desperate to lock someone down, but not sure who that someone is; and Antawn Jamison getting quite reasonable numbers, which have no impact on his team’s performance.

Mobley Vs. House: Just one of the classic moments in the storied rivalry between the Clips and Nets.

Monday January 18th | New Jersey Nets @ Los Angeles Clippers

The recipe for a must miss game:

• 2 x pass-first point guards, who combine to stink up the joint with turnovers and missed shots.
• 2 x aging, veteran cores.
• 2 x injured young big men who will be banged up in January thanks to being asked to do too much, too early in their careers.
• 2 x genuinely stupid coaches.
• 1 x Billy Crystal courtside.

Serve in a winter month on a Monday night, when no-one but the Lopez family will tune in anyway.

Friday February 5th | Memphis Grizzlies @ Houston Rockets

The really sad thing about this match-up is the high potential that Z-Bo has a stand-out game.

With Yao possibly out for the season, the Rockets now have a frontcourt of Scola and Battier, neither of whom are adequate match-ups on genuine forwards (not to mention what Dwight will do to them). As a result, we’re a very good chance to see the moron Babyhead put in a 30 and 15 performance. Yuck. This could even be one of the three games this season he registers a block.

Sadly, this game could have seen monstrous efforts from Memphis’ exciting young bigs in Thabeet and Gasol, which everyone would have liked. And, in the unlikely circumstance that McGrady isn’t injured by now, we might have watched Rudy and OJ rotate on him: two young guards working out how to play one of the most prolific scorers the NBA has seen in recent times.

Instead, it’s more likely we’ll watch Randolph, that big overpaid goose, drain his crudely effective mid-range jumpers, and wrestle defensive boards off the enthusiastic, if tiny, Scola. If there’s a replay of Vacation on again, switch over.

Monday February 22nd | Milwaukee Bucks @ New York Knicks

Hands up if you want to see Danil0 Gallinari play against Joe Alexander.

Anyone?

Okay, how about… here we go, Andrew Bogut and David Lee trading lumbering post moves and hustling for an unspectacular 10 rebounds each? What about Ridnour Vs. Duhon? No?

About the only thing genuinely interesting in this game is that Ramon Sessions may be playing against Brandon Jennings in a high-tempo situation. And when the most interesting thing about a match up is contingent upon a trade or free agent signing, you’re in some trouble.

Friday March 5th | Charlotte Bobcats @ Los Angeles Lakers

We’re getting down to the business end of the season, where playoff hopes go to die, and champions are forged.

But none of that will be happening here, with the Bobcats’ chances at a berth in the second season ravaged by (a) injury and (b) the fact they have arguably the worst on-paper roster in the league. (I say arguably because the Sacramento Kings will probably still exist in March of 2010). The Lakers? Well, they’ll be soldiering through, dealing with the day-to-day hassle of embarrassing the dregs of the sport.

There are three possible ways this match-up makes it to Sportscenter: 1. Kobe drops a cheeky 50 points for the fun of it 2. Larry Brown literally melts on the bench out of pent-up anger 3. Gerald Wallace trips, falls, and can’t get up again.

Pacers coach Jim O'Brien: 'slow it down, guys! The fans are getting too excited! Don't get flashy!'

Tuesday March 16th | Charlotte Bobcats @ Indiana Pacers

Position-for-position, let’s judge the excitement factor here:

• C: Tyson Chandler Vs. Troy Murphy: a spectacular under-performer matching up on a charmless fantasy stud.
• PF: Boris Diaw Vs. Tyler Hansbrough: a big, soft Frenchman with an effective passing game plays a rookie. I guess watching Hansbrough develop could be interesting, but we should already know whether he’s a bust or not by March.
• SF: Danny Granger Vs. Gerald Wallace: this is actually a pretty baller match-up. Granger’s freakish talent against Wallace’s hustle. I’ll watch that.
• SG: Raja Bell Vs. Mike Dunleavy: I guess maybe Raja will get sick of Dunleavy slipping around him and driving, and eventually clothesline him. If Mike isn’t already in hospital. With an injured left-injury.
• PG: D.J. Augustin Vs. T.J. Ford: I’ll assume by this point Felton has been traded or so badly ostracised by Larry Brown that he doesn’t even turn up to games. Augustin will likely be a relatively effective PG who excites the opposition crowd with a 2.7 airballs/game average, and no-one, not even T.J. Ford, knows what T.J. Ford will do on a given night. There’s a good chance he plays 43 minutes for 3 points and a lone, fluked rebound.

Summary: A slow-grind 48 minutes of basketball leading to neither team cracking 80 points. Is there anyone out there who wouldn’t prefer to just make this a one-on-one half-court match between Granger and Wallace? That won’t happen, so don’t watch it.

Monday March 22nd | Minnesota Timberwolves @ Toronto Raptors

Will Ricky Rubio be there? Will he and Calderon enjoy Toronto’s favourite paella after the game? Will Jefferson be healthy? Will Bosh have grown some balls this season? Will Bargnani demand to be allowed to run all over the court smoking cigarettes, while exclusively shooting treys? Will Turkoglu do the same, while eating a gyro? Will Kevin Love foul out early to re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?

So many questions, so much intrigue. And almost none of it to do with the actual on-court action. The result is inevitable: Toronto in an unconvincing win, just barely keeping their playoff hopes alive.

Friday 2nd April | New York Knicks @ Golden State Warriors

For the average basketball fan, this late-season exhibition will barely rate a mention.

For fantasy owners and Vegas bookies, however, this game represents a high-water mark: a game featuring two defenseless teams, at the end of lost seasons, with nothing to play for.

Fantasy freaks will be giddy with delight, justifiably expecting 30-point tallies from Montaboy, Lil’ Nate, Al ‘Slappin’ The Backboard’ Harrington or An-Rand. Bookies will laugh as they set the combined over-under at 270.

Posted By: Anton, Alex & James

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What you might not be aware of is what Yao is doing while he kicks of rehab — which is lucky, because The Sport Count, whilst hanging out at our favourite day clinic in Houston, managed to pickpocket the big man’s HTC Dream, gifting us access to his personal journal.

'This running is paining my surgically repaired broken foot.'

9:00am: Wake up, check my torrent downloads. Unfortunately, realise that my modem’s ports have been incorrectly forwarded, resulting in considerable lag. That or I’m being throttled by my ISP. WTF?

10:00am: Take a call from Carl Landry. He’s provides some kind words of support concerning my injury, explaining he’s been through the same thing. He knows I wasn’t shot, right?

12:00pm: Head in to the rehab wing at the Toyota Centre. Daryl Morey keeps trying to impress me with Mandarin phrases he’s learnt. Daryl is an idiot.

14:00pm: Receive new pairs of shoes from Reebok. American-made. This is the sort of rubbish that has caused me to miss 162 games over 9 seasons.

15:00pm: T-Mac calls. Again. Leaves a message of support about my recent operation. I know he means well, but inevitably he whines way too much, even considering its in a foreign language.

That and he’ll inevitably start babbling on about Darfur.

16:00pm: Shaq seriously needs to stop texting. I get it! I’m Chinese! But there’s nothing I can tell him about pandas that isn’t on Wikipedia. He’s honestly worse than Chris Bosh’s tweets. (I’d get on Twitter, but it’s still blocked for some reason).

18:00pm: Turn off my phone. Sit back to watch the first episode of Season 6 Entourage; disappointed with the direction, and annoyed I spent $10k getting this translated into Mandarin.

20:00pm: Go to my mother’s restaurant with Luis Scola. Our dinner party laughs heartily when I tell him that his defence has the same characteristics as my mother’s noodle broth.

Posted By: James

With assists from Anton and Alex.

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What will he do? Get it?

Where should Turkoglu end up? Where is he likely to?

Anton: Let’s do the second part first. I see him signing with the Raptors, a poorly-run franchise desperate to surround Chris Bosh with known entities. Toronto want name players, guys with ‘championship experience,’ and they’ll pay for it. Being the league’s only non-US franchise, the Raptors seem to pride themselves on their international flavour, so securing the Turkish Jordan will blow minds north of the border.

Never mind that he’s yet another long three-point man who doesn’t rebound, sliding in next to Bargnani, who is carving out a semi-successful career without ever setting foot in the paint on either end. Never mind that he’ll be overpaid.

You know where he should end up? Orlando. He’s perfect for them. He can run the offense when Jameer Nelson isn’t on the court, and he can nail open bombs off kick-outs and screens. His sporadic defensive failures and lack of rebounding are offset by the brute interior strength of The Manchild.

Yes, he should stay in Orlando. But they can’t offer him enough money, so he won’t.

James: Turkoglu will get overpaid. Let’s be frank: he’s playing in a set up that suits him perfectly, and he’s the third-best player on his team. Without a solid, shooting 4 like Rashard Lewis, he has a lot less space to operate, and he flourished in a situation where he’s the go-to guy in the clutch.

Ideally, you’d like to see him as the final piece on a contender… but he’ll take a pay day. If Portland offer him the bucks now — and it would be a horrible move if they do — that’s where he’ll be; they’re an exciting team and probably good enough for the WCFs next year, taking a game or two off the Lakers.

I’d actually love Turkoglu at the Mavericks. Think about it. He’s a much better fit for that team than Howard is at the 3, as he can camp on the perimeter and get kick-outs from Dirk. Likewise, he’s a guy who revels on good looks (otherwise shooting woefully from the field) so he’d be fit if Kidd is feeding him the rock.

Having said that, I see him taking a pay day from the Blazers or Raptors.

Get your chisels ready, whoever does the Walk Of Fame.

How will Ron Artest fit in at the Lakers?

James: Anyone who thinks he won’t fit in ridiculously well is an absolute fool — a player’s ability to fit into the triangle is no longer the determining factor in being a Laker.

I’ve seen criticism that Ron is bad for this offense. On the contrary, Artest’s issue is his shot selection, and with two dominant bigs freeing up space he’ll get good shots. Likewise, with Kobe, the archetypal 2-guard, playing next to him, he will never, ever be forced to create offense. Ever.

He’s a defensive and offensive upgrade over Ariza. He’s a lights-out shooter when open from beyond the arc, and will lock down elite wing players and rangy power forwards alike. You could literally not ask for a better player in the MLE-range than Ron Artest.

Anton: Maybe I’m speaking as an unthinking fan of the Lakers, but I see it working, and working very well. How could it not?

With Artest, the Lakers boast two defensive juggernauts in Kobe and Ron, alongside two solid shot-blockers and interior defenders in Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum. That’s a lot for an opposing side to deal with.

And the depth, oh lord, the depth! Ron can keep up with small forwards, pound with power forwards, and is strong enough to keep shooting guards in place. Most nights, he can guard the other team’s best player… leaving Kobe on the weaker wing player. That’s a preposterous 1-2 punch.

The only way it goes wrong? If Ron decides his name will be made in Los Angeles by jacking up shots. His shot selection in Houston was terrible, full of forced mid-range jumpers and ill-advised long range potatoes. As long as Kobe and Phil can curb his enthusiasm for bad shots, this is a huge pick-up for the Lake Show.

Where to now for the Pistons?

Anton: Let’s just say it doesn’t look good.

They mixed and matched in the name of cap space, sacrificing a season to offload Chauncey, whilst establishing a promise to their fans: ‘we’re rebuilding, yes, but it’ll be fast. We’ve got money to spare, and we’re going to spend it.’ Well, they’ve spent it… and they’ve picked up an admittedly lights-out shooter who can’t defend, and a lanky forward who sporadically rebounds and avoids the paint like cancer.

They aren’t the building blocks of a championship squad, are they?

Having said that, the basketball public was baffled by Dumars’ signing of the then-overlooked Billups, and his drafting of Hamilton and Tayshaun. And they won a championship. But that squad was lucky to get their rings, and it’s unlikely the Pistons can contend without some superstar talent in their starting five.

As a side note, they desperately need a centre. If they’re starting Kwame Brown next year, it’s a sure sign Lil’ Joey Dumars is banking on some lottery magic.

James: 10th in the East. I like the team for the future, but they need a decent big man and a lot more to get over the hump in a strengthening east.

Villanueva is a nice role player and a good starter, and Gordon can certainly shoot the lights out.

Gordon was overpaid, but Charlie V. will be a good player in the years to come. As far as rebuilding goes, this is actually a good effort — Gordon’s offense will give the fans something to cheer and Charlie could be the 3rd best player on a contender.

Rip is going, presumably in a package with Tayshaun Prince (how else do you get any value?). I could imagine Tracy McGrady coming to town in a similar expiring style as AI did last year. None of this changes the fact that it will be a seriously long time until Detroit are back on the ball map.

Assuming they can’t attract big free in 2010 (and it’s a given, right? If Tehran had cap space LeBron would rather sign with them than Detroit), it’ll be a serious road to recover for the Pistons.

How do you rate the Ariza signing for Houston?

James: It’s an okay signing. A bit of a knee-jerk reaction, but I think they got good value for him.

Houston are going to be rebuilding this year. They’ll ship T-Mac (or let him walk — either way, he and his $23m contract are gone come February-ish) and Yao looks in trouble for the medium-term.

This said, a year in the wilderness — bringing Ariza, Scola and Brooks (with, potentially, Gortat) to the boil as a young, enthusiastic nucleus could be good for the club. I like their prospects, as far as remaining in a holding pattern for a high lottery pick and playing some relatively exciting balll. But at the same time, I think the reaction to Yao’s apparently career-ending injury is overblown — so look out for the Rockets in 2011.

Anton: Uh, a 6 out of 10?

It’s okay. Not great. They’re paying semi-reasonable money. 24-year old Trevor has stacks of upside, and his miraculous ability to develop a three-point shot shows he’s willing to work.

But he’s not a franchise-changer. He’s a nice complementary pick-up. He doesn’t change the landscape in Houston. He just makes it a little prettier.

With Yao in trouble and McGrady soon to be sent packing, Ariza represents just a small step towards relevance for the Rockets. As it is — with Tracy injured, and Ming spending his days consulting doctors — Houston boasts a weaker roster than just about any team in the league. Thankfully for their fans, they’re a well-run organisation who won’t tolerate irrelevance for too long. Ariza was their first arrival. He won’t be the last.

With Morey looking for tall men to man the middle with Yao Ming potentially facing a career-ending injury,  the signing of Ron Artest appears to have been neglected. Artest looks to be leaving Houston for greener pastures, and a shot at a championship.

In an apparent farewell message, Ron thanks the city of Houston.

His brother, Daniel Artest, also seems sure Ron won’t be re-signing with the Rockets, urging him to sign with the Cleveland Cavaliers:

Regardless of how much sway Daniel has with Ron, it appears the short-lived Artest era is over in Houston.

Most pundits expected Artest to re-sign with Houston, citing the weak economy and the perception of Artest as a locker room liability as the key factors weakening interest in the defensively talented forward.

Both the Los Angeles Lakers and Cleveland Cavaliers have their full mid-level exceptions on offer. Other teams with more cap space on offer, like the Grizzlies or Thunder, are not expected to make offers to Artest.

Posted By: Anton

Update: Ron has signed with the Los Angeles Lakers.

The Magic have given the Lakers a real fight.

In the first game of the finals series, the Lakers looked absolutely dominant, the Magic completely outmatched, the talent gap between the two teams vast.

The imagination of serious basketball heads ran wild, conjuring images of LeBron and his Cavalier mates going toe-to-toe with Kobe Bryant and his crew, challenging them on every possession, fighting for every rebound. It seemed like an injustice that The Manchild, Hedo, and Rashard had stolen from us the showdown we deserved: The King and The Black Mamba.

In the second game, that feeling faded, and the 100-75 scoreline in game one looked like an aberration; a result dictated by the nerves of the Orlando players, a surprisingly engaged Los Angeles crowd, and Kobe Bryant playing at the peak of his game.

And in game three, the developing sense that Orlando deserved their spot in the last dance was assured. It was clear: they’d earned the right to be there. They were the best in the east, a (sporadically sputtering) offensive juggernaut, a tenacious defensive crew anchored by a beast in the middle.

But if the Lakers had won game three — making a sweep the most likely outcome — the average basketball fan would have been sorely disappointed. Hell, the Lakers would have been too. Their victory would have been cheap.

Cheap. The worst label that can be affixed to glory. That grotesque asterisk. Barry Bonds’ home run achievements? Cheap. George W. Bush’s Florida win in 2000? Cheap. For the Lakers to be ‘true champions’ — with the ideas of fairness and equity of ability attached to that — they needed a tough opponent.

That’s true of all the Lakers, but especially Kobe. If he wants a ring sans Shaquille, as the best player on his team, he needs to avoid that asterisk.

Had the championship scoreline ended up at 4-0, no one would have remembered how hard the Magic had fought throughout. The series would have fizzled, becoming nothing more than a slow death march for the Floridians, and an extended championship parade for the Lakers.

The Lakers will likely get their rings. Only three teams have ever recovered from being down 0-2, and the Magic appear too streaky, too dependent on the three-ball, to be the fourth. But the fact Orlando has taken a game — the only finals win in franchise history — ensures the Lakers can’t be labelled as cheap champions.

The Lakers will deserve their rings.

The Spurs hardly earned their 2007 title.

Unlike, say, the Spurs in 2007, when they demolished a poor Cleveland team who’d weaseled their way through a weak conference on the back of stellar efforts from LeBron James. The Cavaliers shouldn’t have been there, and the Spurs never faced adversity. It was a cakewalk. A 4-0 embarrassment.

Unlike the Rockets in 1995, who beat up a young Magic team, and didn’t have to face Michael Jordan, freshly returned from retirement, and still easing into game shape.

Unlike the Pistons in 2004, who defeated a Lakers team who had completely imploded. The series finished 4-1. That Lakers team stole a game, but they weren’t a match for the Pistons who, despite a significant lack of real talent, at least played well as a team.

As they say in politics, you’re defined by your opponent. For your championship to count, you need to have been beaten, bloodied and bruised.

The Magic aren’t giving the title away. They’re giving the Lakers all they’ve got. And so, when the Larry O’Brien trophy* heads to California, justice will have been served.

There will be no asterisk.

Posted By: Anton

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*This feature originally misidentified the NBA championship trophy as the Maurice Podoloff trophy. That is actually the regular season MVP trophy.

Even more disturbing is the following… while the Sport Count team were once again enjoying a great round of Yum Cha at Yao Restaurant we managed to pocket T-Mac’s blackberry and got a hold of his personal schedule; revealing some interesting insights into the mind of a serial invalid.

"Here we go again, time for some F.U.N!"

10:00am - Back to see my buddies over at Houston General Hospital. Will be great to see the fellas again. I’ve missed the last 4 or 5 weekly poker games, so I’m pumped to clean up tomorrow night.

11:00am – Oh yeah!! The rehab centre. This is comfort. My knee feels great when I’m kicking back in a bed that I can move up and down with the touch of a button. Heaven.

12:30pm - MMM, MMM!!!! Nothing beats hospital food. That jello just makes me feel great; I think that’s what I miss the 3-4 months I’m not in here. I gotta rep the Rockets, I do like red, but when it’s on offer, lime jello is my shit.

1:30pm - Treatment over on my way back to the training gym for some therapy.

2:30pm – The gym is soooooooo boring. No guerneys, not jello, no nothing. Just a whole bunch of dudes playing sport. Where is the personal attention and care? Where are the people reviewing my ailments on a half-hourly basis? Man, the Rockets could learn a lot from the staff at Houston General.

3:30pm - Watch scrimmage. Yawn. From the sideline, you really can see how many shots Ron is jacking up this season: a lot.

4:30pm - Time for a rub down and a sleep. Thank god it’s not a game day; I think wearing a suit would irritate my skin.

6:30pm - Head back the crib and grab some food on the way home so I’m set for the night. TiVO seriously pays for itself — I’ve got three eps of House, two of ER and even an old re-run of Chicago Hope on the playlist. (I don’t think much of Scrubs. Doctors are heroes, not something to be made fun of).

10:00pm - Dear God, why am I so injured?

Posted by: James

When Ron The Don and T-Mac wandered off to take a conference call from a tired Yao Ming — still a little drunk from the previous night’s ‘veteran’s meeting’ at The Yao Restaurant And Bar — we snuck a peak at the laptop they share, and screencapped their respective Safari histories.

First, it’s Tracy:

And Ron:

Posted By: Anton & Alex

Bruce Bowen is thinking "Can I get away with biting into his neck?"

Houston Rockets: Any real basketball fan hopes that this is the season T-Mac shakes the monkey and gets his team through the first round of the playoffs. T-Mac, Yao and Artest with a great supporting cast: it should be a return to Houston’s former glory of only about a decade ago.

It’s just so sad though. We know what’s going to happen, and it crushes our collective heart. T-Mac will break down. Yao will once again be defeated by the laws of physics and crush his fragile feet. Maybe they can hit say, 40 wins, bench these two for the rest of the regular season, and hope the role players can wrangle the next 10 or so wins that gets them 8th spot in the West. If Houston can stay healthy, the toughest division in the league just got even tougher.

Hang on, no. Because that would mean Ron Artest becomes the de facto team leader, which is questionable for two reasons: one, he’d have to not be suspended, which is only ever a 50% chance with the Don; and two, even if he isn’t suspended, do you let Ron Artest give advice to your younger players?

San Antonio Spurs: Who cares? The team is basically unchanged, so my prediction remains unchanged — they will challenge for the conference final, in yet another victory for stupidly boring basketball and bad sportsmanship.

Bar Spurs fans, is there anyone out there who doesn’t hope the entire team gets brought up on charges of bringing the game into disrepute and booted to the D-league? Is there a less enjoyable team to watch (okay, maybe Detroit)? Is there a less likable group of players, even given the fact they’ve ditched Horry? Is there anyone who doesn’t hope Bruce Bowen hard fouls Ron Artest and gets repaid with a straight shot to the chin like Ron-Ron landed on that Turtle-looking-fella at Auburn Hills?

Memphis Grizzlies: How could you dislike the Grizz this season? They’re basically a bunch of young kids who were playing pick-up and sent a letter to David Stern saying “mind if we have a crack at the NBA?”

O.J. Mayo proved in the preseason that he’s not daunted by playing in the NBA. Rudy Gay is one of the most electrifying, and dominant, young talents in the league. This alone should make the team likable. But then they’ve got an upside-laden young point guard in Conley, who will be amazing if he ever stops gaming, the brother of a proud racist and a centre with genuine hustle in Marc Gasol, and rookie power forward Darrell Arthur, who slipped too far in the draft due to concerns about a heart condition. Someone will one day make a movie about the 2008-2009 Grizzlies, who will only just scrape over twenty wins, but through the adversity will learn the true meaning of friendship.

Dallas Mavericks: Let’s not skirt around the issue. Dallas are too old now. They’re just too old. Their time has passed, and they’re irrelevant. You can imagine them all standing around when electricity was invented going “pfft — nothing will ever replace the good old steam engine.”

Jerry Stackhouse, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Eric Dampier, and Devean George are all ancient. Even if they’re still functional, they’ll get injured, or will spend too much time thinking about how they’re going to spend their millions when they retire in the next two years.

Moreover, how much confidence would you have in the coming years? Your GM has just traded a potential All-Star point guard (Devin Harris) away for a wife-beating grey hair (Jason Kidd), and then signed DeSagana Diop to almost $30M worth of contract. WTF. Did Cuban green-light that contract based on how many blocks Diop gets in fantasy leagues? It’s all just bad news at Dallas.

New Orleans Hornets: Unbelievably, everyone’s second favourite team managed to only get better over the off-season with the signing of ring-magnet James Posey. Adding his long range threat and clutch abilities to the talents of Chris Paul, David West, Tyson Chandler and Peja Stojakovic makes the Hornets the team to beat in the West. Yes, better than the Lakers.

Posted by: Alex

Brilliant basketball mind, left; Hilarious outbursts, right.

Over at NBA.com, they’ve announced that ESPN has signed Magic Johnson on as an analyst, to complement Stuart Scott, Mike Wilbon and Jon Barry. ESPN has also reportedly signed Jeff Van Gundy to a multi-year deal as an analyst.

This is a happy day for the staff over here at The Sport Count offices. We are proud supporters of Magic: absolute bandits for any footage of his incredible on-court skills; complete suckers for his charm and courage; and total freaks for the insight he gives about the game. It’s no secret that the man’s basketball IQ matches his ability, and his presence on the panel will only make the Countdown analysis even more enjoyable. We can’t wait.

The Van Gundy signing is the icing on the cake. Although we’ve never understood quite how JVG managed to convince people he was The Man For The Job at New York and Houston, and then how he segued into commentary, one thing we do get is this: he enjoys basketball. He loves it. He loves ball perhaps more than anyone on the planet. He loves the game, he loves the history, and most of all he loves the players. If sheer enthusiasm can be the criterion on which he was hired first by the NBA, and secondly by ESPN, we can totally dig that. His analysis is not quite what you get from a Mike Breen, or a Hubie Brown, but Lord knows he’ll say what he thinks. And that’s exactly why we love him. Bring on the broadcast.

Posted by: Alex

Tracy is scared about what the 08-09 season has in store

Dear Diary,

I’m scared – yeah real scared. I’ve been so healthy for so long (months now) and now it’s only three weeks away. The season. Every year it hangs over me like a spectre; ruining my summer. Just when I think I’m out, it pulls me back in.

I know we’ve got Ron to help out. I know Yao is back to health and we’ve got a great bench. But I don’t think my bones can take it – I just don’t think they’ve got it in them to do what I want, what I need, what I crave.

I want to get to the hole. I WANT to dominate the game. I want to do all the things I do on NBA2k9. I want to do all the things i’ll do for the next 2 months and get major props for. Something always goes wrong, breaks, spurs, tweaks, snaps or twinges… and I just can’t take it any more.

Maybe I should get out? Get out now and save myself the heartache of another 51 games at the office. Save myself the playoff previews, the highlights of former years, the comparisons of my games played vs games missed over the past 5 seasons.

What if I become a carpenter? I guess I’d just break my hand with a hammer and not be able to do my job again. I could be an office worker? But RSI is a MAJOR issue, and all of that sitting would definitely hurt my back.

I suppose I could try cleaning cars – I’d be afraid of the detergent though. Your hands always go wrinkled, which makes it impossible to do most anything – you can’t write, type, nothing – it’s bad when you use detergent, I stick to soap.

Anyway, I’ll give it one more try. I’ve got to at least do it once more, try and get out of the first round, try and stay healthy, try and get.it.to.gether.

Yours,

Tracy

Posted by: James