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The NBA’s Top 10 Aussie Ballers: An Australia Day Tribute

January 26, 2009 · 9 Comments

Australia Day

Today is Australia Day, the 26th of January. A day in which very white people roast in the sun, sinking cold cans of beer, screaming weird obscenities in the sizzling summer heat. A day in which public drunkenness is not just accepted, but encouraged. And, of course, a day in which we celebrate basketball in Australia. And by ‘we,’ I mean Australia’s two leading NBA sites — that’s the boldest claim you’ll read today! — The Sport Count and NBA Mate.

A quick time line of basketball in Australia, just to get you prepped:

1788 – 1992: No one knew or cared about basketball.

1992 – 1998: As Michael Jordan became an international sensation, Australia began to pay attention. Basketball exploded. It was celebrated and cherished: NBA Action was a weekly fixture on Channel Ten; every school erected a hoop; kids traded Fleers for Upper Decks; Alonzo Mourning, Penny Hardaway and Shaquille O’Neal were household names. Every kid dreamed of playing in the NBL, our flourishing national league.

1998 – Current: The greatest game on earth is a niche sport, followed by dedicated few, loved by a minimal faithful. The NBL is in dire straits, wrecked by poor administration, flagging attendance, and an alarming economic climate.

With basketball struggling in our nation, two sites come together to celebrate the Top 10 Australian Ballers: those great humans who’ve shaped the roundball game down under; those exceptional athletes who’ve done their best to draw attention away from the grotesque tedium of cricket, and the big hits of rugby league. Let’s go:

1. Andrew Bogut: Before Andrew Bogut came on the scene there were essentially two types of Aussies that made it to the NBA: 1) Really tall guys (Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke, Chris Anstey) who were good at being tall and 2) Great outside shooters (Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze) who were good at shooting threes. Read more about Andrew Bogut at NBA Mate.

Michael Jordan.

A real basketball legend. Also pictured: Michael Jordan.

2. Luc Longley: 7′2″, 292lbs.

NBA Averages: 7.2 points, 4.9 rebounds, 1.0 block (1991-’92 to 2001-’01).

NBL Averages: 1.0 point, 1.5 rebounds, 0.5 assists (in two games with the Perth Wildcats, 1986).

After an impressive college career at New Mexico (he averaged 19.1 points, 9.2 rebounds and 3.6 assists in his senior year), Longley was taken by the Timberwolves with the 7th pick in the 1991 draft (ahead of All-Stars Terrell Brandon, Dale Davis and Chris Gatling. Yes, we’re surprised Chris Gatling made an All-Star squad too).

As David Stern read the Timberwolves’ pick, Australia went wild: confetti filled the streets of Melbourne and Sydney; fireworks hailed down from the Harbour Bridge; a national holiday was instituted on the date of the draft; basketball-caressing children danced; ball-loving women wept openly in the streets.

That may be a little hyperbolic. But it was an incredible day for Australian basketball.

And — in a divine synchronicity — Longley’s ridiculously successful career with the Bulls coincided with the semi-inexplicable Australian basketball boom of the mid-90s (to give an indication, literally every child in primary school at the time collected basketball cards, even if they’d never seen a game), offering Australian hoop heads the chance to follow one of their countrymen on a championship team.

Signature Move: Winning rings. Sure, Luc possessed a couple of surprisingly silky low-post moves, and he hit the boards with the effort required to consistently tease playing time from a taskmaster like Phil Jackson… but his real skill? Bringing ‘championship heart’ to the otherwise lazy and uninspired Bulls, firing his cohorts up to the tune of three consecutive Chicago titles from 1996 to 1998. (Admittedly, the fact Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen were on these teams may have helped the championship efforts. But it was mainly Luc’s championship heart).

What’s He Famous For? Being the first Australian to play in the National Basketball Association. And being the most talented baller ever with the first name ‘Lucien.’

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? A famously easy-going fella — he’s described as a ‘free spirit’ on the famously accurate Wikipedia — it’s unlikely. Unless the three championship rings on his right hand somehow act as an effective set of brass knuckles.

3. Andrew Gaze: Andrew Gaze is the greatest basketballer in the history of Australia’s National Basketball League, and will be for all eternity… to put it simply, Andrew Gaze is the Michael Jordan of the NBL. Read more about Andrew Gaze at NBA Mate.

He's shoeless on the sideline, and yet he's still within range.

Shane Heal: shoeless on the sideline, and yet still within range.

4. Shane Heal: 6′0″, 180lbs.

NBA Averages: 2.0 points, 0.8 assists, 0.5 threes (1996-’97 with the Timberwolves, 2003-’04 with the Spurs).

NBL Averages: 20.6 points, 6.1 assists, 1.0 steal (1988 – 2009).

A top-flight local performer, the undersized Heal never gained a foothold in the NBA. Picked up by the international scouting gurus of Minnesota in the autumn of 1996, the three-point specialist faced extremely limited minutes. His best Association effort was against the Sonics in November of ‘96, when he came off the bench to drain 5 treys in 13 minutes.

Heals’ lack of stateside success was unfortunate for him, but a real boon for fans of the NBL. The Sport Count team can vividly recall the giddy excitement when we learned Shane would be moving from the Brisbane Bullets to our hometown team, the Sydney Kings, in 1996. He blew the roof off the Sydney Entertainment Centre that year, averaging 23.4 points and 5.5 dimes (and, much to our youthful delight, signing autographs after the match near the merchandise stand).

Signature Move: Draining long-range bombs from ridiculous depths. Heal is one of those rare ballers who can completely disregard the position of the three-point line, jacking up shots from 30-feet out without hesitation. His distinctive release — with the ball cocked far behind his head, like Carlos Boozer shooting from Gilbert Arenas range — was a marvel to watch.

The following clip includes brief footage of his bombing ability… and his distinctive humour, as the Australia media bores the public by getting uppity after Heal hilariously refers to his team as ‘very white’:

What’s He Famous For? It may well be his bust-up with Charles Barkley during a warm-up match at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics. After the Round Mound Of Rebound smacked Heal, the pocket-sized Australian launched himself toward’s Barkley’s enormous chest, screaming at him. After the match, Barkley referred to Shane as ‘a talkative little fellow.’

The feisty Heal also had a minor run-in with Vince Carter at the 2000 Olympics:

Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze, Vince Carter, Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke.

From left: Shane Heal, Andrew Gaze, Vince Carter, Luc Longley, Mark Bradtke.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? We might be surprised. Heal has a killer instinct. He could accurately peg a basketball at Crowe’s face from more than 100 metres away.

5. Chris Anstey: Anstey enjoyed reasonable success coming off the Mavericks bench, and actually started in 8 games. One of those starts turned into Anstey’s greatest NBA game — a 26 points, 8-rebound domination of the Boston Celtics. Read more about Chris Anstey at NBA Mate.

Bradtke (right) was unstoppable when it came to breaking up a fight.

Bradtke (right) was unstoppable when it came to breaking up a fight.

6. Mark Bradtke: 6′10″, 265lbs.

NBA Averages: 1.6 points and 1.9 rebounds (in 36 games with the Philadelphia 76ers, 1996-’97).

NBL Averages: 17.4 points, 11.3 rebounds, 1.4 blocks (from 1988 – 2007).

Bradtke was an absolute beast in the low post, with surprisingly quick footwork, and the upper body strength of a wombat (quick nature fact: wombats are grotesquely and disconcertingly muscular). In his lengthy Australian career, he took home four championship rings (two beside Andrew Gaze on the Melbourne Tigers), and represented his country in an incredible four Olympics (1988, 1992, 1996 and 2000).

His NBA career wasn’t as impressive, playing in short spurts. He was never quite big enough to dominate the competition like he could in his homeland. His best game came against the Charlotte Hornets on the 15th of March 1996: 8 points (on 57% shooting) and 10 boards in 23 minutes.

Signature Move: Rebounding, and scoring in the low-post. We’re not talking about a flashy man here.

What’s He Famous For? He’s the benchmark by which Australian centres are judged.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? By virtue of sheer physical size, probably. Though Crowe is an angry man, seething with inner turmoil, whereas Mark Bradtke just seems like a really good guy, so maybe not.

7. Lanard Copeland: Between the years of 1992 and 1999, approximately 82% of every dunk or alley-oop performed in the NBL was actually performed by Lanard Copeland. He was the guy that brought the essence of the NBA — crazy athleticism, soaring dunks, and black men — to Australia’s National Basketball League. Read more about Lanard Copeland at NBA Mate.

A rare photo of Captain Jack playing for Sydney.

Not Stephen Jackson. But it came up when I did a Google Image Search for 'Stephen Jackson NBL,' so I figure my work is done.

8. Stephen Jackson: 6′8″, 220lbs.

NBA Averages: 15.2 points, 3.8 rebounds, 3.0 assists.

NBL Averages: 6.0 points, 0.5 boards, 1.0 assists (in four games with the Sydney Kings, 1998).

Most basketball fans aren’t aware that Captain Jack has toiled in Australia; indeed, he shared a court with Shane Heal in 1998. A second-round Suns draft pick who was waived before he played a game, Jackson had done time with the La Crosse Bobcats of the Continental Basketball Association, before hopping a flight over the Atlantic to spend some time as a Sydney King.

His NBL career was, well, not especially remarkable. His ability to dominate offensively hadn’t yet developed, and the Sydney squad seemed confused about how to use him. He played just four games by the harbour, averaging 6.0 points, 0.5 boards and 1.0 assist.

It’s unclear how many strip joints he visited in Kings Cross, Sydney’s red light district, though one assumes his agent took him on at least two or three trips. Thankfully, Australia has extremely restrictive firearm laws.

Signature Move: Apart from popping off near breast-based bars, Jackson is best known for his fiery intensity, inspirational leadership abilities, and — this year at least — his appalling shot selections (.397% from the field? You’ve ruined a lot of fantasy teams, Jackson!).

What’s He Famous For? Unfortunately, it’s the shooting thing. It should be noted that someone ran him over before he let loose with a pistol, but the fact he brought a pistol to a strip club is certainly representative of poor decision-making. He also sports one of the most ridiculous tattoos the NBA has ever seen: two praying hands holding a gun.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? Absolutely. It would play out a little something like this:

a great baller, a great guy.

A great guy, a great baller.

9. Ricky Grace: 6′1″, 180lbs.

NBA Averages: 1.3 points, 0.3 rebounds, 0.3 assists (in three games with the Hawks, 1993-’94).

NBL Averages: 18.2 points, 7.2 assists, 1.5 steals (with the Perth Wildcats from 1990-2005).

Ricky ‘Amazing’ Grace was a serious baller, a fluid, spritely point man with deadly passing instincts and the ability to break nearly any defender down off the dribble. Unfortunately, his abilities didn’t translate to the NBA. Though his ability to penetrate was obvious in a pre-season game with the Hawks:

In Australia, Grace was an icon of the National Basketball League, remaining with his Perth club for fifteen years, taking home four champions, and a Finals MVP gong in 1993. As a newly-naturalised citizen, Grace represented Australia at the 2000 Olympics.

Signature Move: Those quick cuts to the basket, and his ability to stop on a dime and squeeze off a bullet pass to an open teammate.

What’s He Famous For? Apart from his sublime abilities with the rock, Grace is also a top-notch human; he is currently the director of Role Models WA, a non-profit organisation that provides developmental and sporting support to disadvantaged Aboriginal communities in Western Australia.

Would He Beat Russell Crowe In A Fight? No. But he could run away very quickly.

10. Luke Schenscher: Luke can be safe in the knowledge that no other NBA player with as little as 31 career games has a website named after him. Schenschational. Read more about Luke Schenscher at NBA Mate.

Posted By: Anton & Rob of NBA Mate.

Categories: Indigenous Ballers · On The Court · Sport Count Guide
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The Count Preview: Southeast Division

October 28, 2008 · Leave a Comment

citizens are currently considering a motion by Dwyane Wade to rename the beach Dwyane Wade.

Miami's South Beach: citizens are currently considering a motion by Dwyane Wade to rename the beach 'Dwyane Wade.'

Miami Heat: With Shaq out of town, crime in Miami skyrockets, and the beleagured police force call on the heightened talents of their city’s basketball team to help out: Wade is able to run down and catch any thief on foot and most any thief in cars; Beasley talks such epic trash that even hardened criminals break down in tears; and Chris Quinn spends his off-court time mixing potions that either restore the flagging energy of Miami’s police force or add +1 to Marion’s mana.

Erik Spoelstra has marginal success in his first season as coach, taking Miami to 25 wins, largely due to the answers he gets to his coaching inquiries on Yahoo! fantasy forums. His off-court time is spent blazing up with Mario Chalmers and referring to Pat Riley as “Old Father Time.”

Charlotte Bobcats: What will Larry Brown bring to the franchise this year? It’s well known that Charlotte are probably one mid-level player away from genuine play-off contention, when things are going right. If J-Rich, Gerald Wallace, Okafor and Felton can contribute for a full season, Charlotte could pull off some surprising upsets and finish the regular season with a shot at the 8th spot.

This, however, ignores the very real possibility that Felton cracks it over the decision to draft yet another point guard who will challenge for his spot, and demands a trade, thus disrupting team chemistry — which will see Adam Morrison out for three weeks with an injured tear duct.

There are at least two further major concerns: is Gerald Wallace’s brain still functioning, and will another knock render him disabled; and what will be the atrocious decision Michael Jordan makes this year?

Atlanta Hawks: The big question on everyone’s mind will be the effect Josh Childress’ absence will have on Atlanta’s depth and presence off the bench. While this will be an unknown quantity until the season starts, The Sport Count has the answer to the second biggest question on everyone’s mind: yes, there is now a huge excess of weed in Atlanta as a result of Childress’ move.

J-Smoove’s off-season signing to $58M should placate him enough to continue being ridiculous on the defensive end, and Joe Johnson should return to his marksmanship ways. With Al Horford only getting better, look for this team to still be in contention in the second round of the playoffs. Don’t look for Mike Bibby though, who will by that time have sprained both wrists, broken his neck, accidentally gnawed one of his legs off, and covered his head in so many bad tattoos he is no longer recognisable.

Washington Wizards: This is just frustrating. If Washington had their All-Star trio of Arenas, Jamison and Butler all healthy, they’d probably one of the most exciting teams to watch in the East. As it is, Antawn hurt himself before the season, Gilbert is unsurprisingly out due to his terrible rehab routine, Caron is almost as fragile as T-Mac, and starting Center Brendan Haywood is potentially out for the season. Talk about starting on the back foot. If the Wiz can overcome these injury concerns and post a reasonable record, it will be one of the great achievements of the season.

The one horrible inevitability is that injuries will mean Nick Young gets more court-time, which will result in him jacking up so many ill-advised shots that it’ll make Larry Hughes look like Ray Allen.

Orlando Magic: Is there any chance they won’t top the division? Dwight is continuing to put up the kind of numbers that destroy small towns, Turkoglu is coming off a career season that all the pundits think will be repeated, Rashard Lewis is playing well enough that you forget he gets paid as much as Kobe and 50% more than LeBron, and Jeff Van Gundy has been signed to ESPN to now Stan can stop worrying what his lovable-but-mentally-deficient brother is doing and actually concentrate on the game. All signs point to the Magic being a dominant force in the Eastern Conference.

The highlight will be when Dwight offers to correct the geological problem Oden caused on the west coast by starting his run-up in Philly and dunking the Chrysler building.

Posted by: Alex

Categories: Off The Court · Sport Count Guide
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Tyson Chandler: A Great Human

October 13, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Tyson Chandler talks about meeting Obama in his latest blog post:

A great rebounder (left) meets a great orator (right).

A great rebounder (left) meets a great orator (right).

He’s just one of those dudes who comes off so poised, calm and just touchable. I’ve never felt like a Presidential candidate was touchable, that you could actually sit down and have a conversation with him. But with Obama, I feel like I’m in touch with him, like I understand what he’s talking about.

I’ve watched debates in the past, and I never knew what was going on. I never realized what the President was talking about. But Obama breaks it down so that I can understand, my grandparents can understand, anybody can. He bridges the gaps and brings everybody together.

I was sitting at the rally yesterday and I saw this older black gentleman with a camcorder. He had grey hair and he was recording it. I was just watching him and he looked so proud. It looked like he was gonna record it and go back, show his grandchildren and say “I was here on this day.”

And next to him were some older white ladies, who when Obama was making his speech, were jumping up, screaming and raising their hands. So, I was thinking, “Wow, look at that.” You had different nationalities there, different ages and different genders, and everybody was there for the same cause. We haven’t seen this in a long time. And it was just a great thing to be a part of.

And then talks tax:

…When Obama was giving his speech, he said he was gonna give a tax cut to 95 percent of the people. He says, “If you make under $250,000 a year, raise your hand.” And everybody there raised their hand, except for this one small section of guys. That was our section. And everybody around us was laughing.

But you know what, it’s a bigger cause. And the way I look at it is that I can afford to pay more in taxes. But my parents, my grandparents, my cousins … with what they make, they can’t afford to cut back in their household with what they’re trying to survive with. I can afford to make cuts and still survive. They can’t take that knock.

I think that’s what’s going on now and the reason why the middle class is struggling so much. The upper class, we can take that hit. Obviously, nobody wants to take it, but we still can. And we can afford to live nice lives.

I’ve lived in both situations. And not only that, I’m obviously the only one in my family that can say that I’m a millionaire. I’ve seen my entire family struggle. So, would I rather see my whole family struggle while I get a break, or have me not get a break while the rest of my family gets one? I’ll take my entire family getting a break.

Take note, Gilbert Arenas. Tyson just taught you about the fairness of a progressive tax.

Posted By: Anton

Categories: Off The Court
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The Rehab Diaries: Gilbert Arenas

September 23, 2008 · 3 Comments

The Sport Count team aren’t adverse to some opportunistic, muck-raking journalism when the occasion presents itself. We’ve got a hook up, a deep throat if you will, who gets us some of the hottest documents from the most secret locations — notably NBA players’ diaries, from NBA players’ dumpsters.

Anyone ever wondered why Gilbert has struggled so much to recover from injury? Ever wondered if it was bad luck, bad rehab processes or negligent professional counsel? Wonder no longer.

"Playing is fine, but street clothes is where your swagger shows"

"Playing is fine, but street clothes is where your swagger shows"

10:00am: Wake up, drink some Tang aka Rehab Juice. Tang actually makes your muscles heal faster. It’s a fact, one which I learned from my boy D-Wade, who drank nothing but Tang throughout the ‘07-’08 regular season.

11:00am: Call up my boy Nick Young, tell him the secret to running the point and getting paid as he enters a contract year (deep threes, baby. Contested triples). Counselling young people helps your mind, helping your mind helps your knees. I can’t see how it can’t! Everything is tied to your mind.

12:00pm: Aka the Xbox hour. Someone’s about to get fragged (I’m looking at you AndrewBynumBT). Maybe even telefragged. You never know with this baby. All this rest and mental stimulation is helping my knee like you wouldn’t believe. The Wii might be the best for fitness, but the Xbox has recuperation properties like Phoenix feathers.

4:00pm: Time for burgers and fries. The doc says that this is the perfect food for rehabilitation. I can practically feel the lettuce and mayo infiltrating the abrasions and scar tissue, breaking them down one at a time.

6:00pm: Siesta.

10:00pm: Hit the club. Crutches of course, so the structured movement helps me rehab whilst cranking that Soulja Boy ‘Tell ‘Em’ dance ’til dawn. I mean literally ’til dawn — DeShaun has paid the DJ $50,000 to not play anything else.

3:00am: Stand in front of the mirror for one hour before bed on one leg. I figure this can only help — that’s how much I’m determined to come back. That’s how much I want this, man.

I’d say I’ll be back in a month or so. The amount of things I’m doing to occupy my time… I can feel myself getting better.

Posted by: James

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Off The Court
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George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People (Unless They’re The Celtics)

September 23, 2008 · 8 Comments

Paul Pierce, Kendrick Perkins, a terrible human.

L-R: Paul Pierce, Kendrick Perkins, a terrible human.

I know it’s not a big deal. I get that. Yeah, the Celtics went to the White House, but it wasn’t a political statement, nor a vote of confidence in an embattled, incompetent figurehead. Of course not.

It was just an obligatory photo opportunity; an easy way for an increasingly irrelevant President to score a few points with the sport fans of America. Or, for the less cynical, simply a nice bit of high-level acknowledgement for the hard-working Celtics.

But isn’t it patently ridiculous, nigh absurd, that the Celtics are forced to meet Bush?

I’m not here to make cheap Dubya zingers — they’re nearly as played out as Michael Jackson jokes — but why would a team of athletes want to meet an embarrassment to democracy like Bush? Are they forced to attend? If a politically-minded player justifiably opted to reject a Bush handshake, would they be fined or suspended?

The typical NBA player didn’t grow up rich. They didn’t grow up privileged, blessed by nepotism or undue favour. They worked ridiculously hard to be good at basketball — one of the few ways a kid from the projects, or the neglected outer suburbs of America, can get serious money. Many of them could never afford college, were it not for the scholarships granted to them. Many, had their NBA dreams shattered like the thousands before them, would not be able to afford adequate healthcare.

So why would they want to meet a man like Bush, a manifestation of the cruel ease with which a white, untalented, unintelligent, uneducated goon can get rich and powerful?

Hell, maybe some of the Celtics are die-hard Republicans. I don’t know. Maybe some Boston ballers adore the lofty tax breaks given to the rich.

Maybe some relate to Washington resident Gilbert Arenas, who recently disappointed his fans by spouting this ridiculous drivel:

It’s hard for me to vote, because since I’ve been in the NBA I’ve been in the upper class so I’ve been a Republican. If you have any type of money, you’re a Republican, period.

Whatever, Gilbert. I’m guessing most NBA players aren’t real Bush family fans. I know Rasheed Wallace isn’t. When asked about meeting Bush after the Pistons won the 2004 championship, Wallace had this to say:

I don’t have shit to say to [Bush]. I didn’t vote for him. It’s just something we have to do.

Right on, Rasheed.

Posted By: Anton

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Off The Court
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