The Sport Count

Entries tagged as ‘Elton Brand’

How Are The Clippers So Terrible?

November 20, 2008 · 1 Comment

Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy in a relatively relaxed moment.

Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy in a relatively relaxed moment.

The Los Angeles Clippers are absolutely wretched, useless, worse than even the most cynical of commentators could have predicted. They’ve lost nine of their ten games, and only two of those matches have been away from the safety of the Staples Center.

Their sole victory was hardly inspiring, coming at home over an imploding Mavericks team caught between a desire to blood their young, and a need to win before their ageing veterans are shipped off to local nursing homes. After that lacklustre victory, Baron Davis tried to reassure the punters, and his teammates, and himself: ‘We let a couple of games get away that we had control of,’ he said. ‘But once you get that first one, it just takes the monkey of your back and you realize that you know how to win.’

Sorry Baron, but the monkey still rides. After that brief moment of Cuban-beating glory, the Clippers were wrecked by a shocking Kings squad, demolished by a Warriors team bound for the lottery, then narrowly beaten by an injury-riddled Spurs squad.

These are not good times for Los Angeles’ other team. Billy Crystal hasn’t slept in two weeks. He wanders the empty halls at the Clippers’ training centre in the dead of night, quietly weeping into a game-used Elton Brand jersey.

What’s going wrong with this team? Apart from, like, everything?

The problem lies exactly where most observers expected it would: chemistry, camraderie, the team dynamic. You wonder if this Clippers squad, so enthusiastically and haphazardly cobbled together in the off-season, can make it work, but it doesn’t look good.

Not with Marcus Camby phoning it in, as if actual games are just an unfortunate distraction, an irritating roadblock until he ends up on a team that isn’t cursed. He doesn’t look especially healthy, or motivated, and he’s clearly still disgusted at the crude manner in which the Nuggets dumped him –like a defensively-minded kidnap victim who woke up in East LA with a fat wallet and instructions to get to the arena.

Baron Davis looks like you don’t want Baron Davis to look; far too confident in his shot, too lazy to drive, bored, distracted. There’s no fire in him. He’s shooting 36.4% from the field, and going to the line just 3.4 times a game. His steals are down, and his three-point shot is wretched (23.3%). Diddy is living up to every critics’ nastiest claims: that his health last year was a contract year effort, that he isn’t a leader, that he inked a deal with the Clippers because he loves Los Angeles, not the team that goes with it.

The fact that Mike Dunleavy – a coach that, uh, seems to rub some players the wrong way (how’s the bay, Corey?) – is already butting heads with Baron doesn’t bode well. (Stephen Jackson diagnosed the problem after his Warriors beat Baron and his new team: ‘It’s kind of difficult for [Baron]. He likes playing fast and he likes having the ball a lot. They run a lot of isolation plays with the two and three guards and he doesn’t really get a chance to do his thing.’

Ugh! My team bad!

Ugh! My team bad!

Ricky Davis? His career looks all but over, jacking up ugly shots at a 32.3% clip, bludging on defense, adding nothing. Chris Kaman looks confused – more so than usual — whenever he looks around and sees Camby clogging up his paint. Al Thornton looks promising, just like he did last year. He isn’t yet the long-limbed offensive juggernaut many expected might emerge this season.

None of it is working, and it doesn’t make much sense. On paper, the Clippers should be a tenacious (albeit often ineffective) defensive squad, with Diddy gambling on steals, Camby swatting from the weakside, Kaman taking up room in the lane, and Thornton dogging the wings. On paper, the Clippers should be strong offensively, with sweet-shooting threats (Baron, Eric Gordon, Al Thornton, Ricky Davis every 4th game), a monster with surprising finesse in Chris Kaman, and a passing big man in Camby. On paper, the Clippers shouldn’t be the second-worst team in the West (only the Faux-Sonics are worse).

But games aren’t played on paper, and in the real world, this Clippers team is horrific.

Should the players go for post-game drinks? Do they need to play poker together? Would a big barbecue in Mike Dunleavy’s backyard help? We don’t know. But if the Clippers want to win, they better start talking to each other. As it is, they look like bewildered strangers bound only by contractual obligation, not a desire to win.

Posted By: Anton

Categories: On The Court
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Count Preview: Atlantic Division

October 26, 2008 · No Comments

'Sunrise over the Atlantic.' Thanks, Google Images.

The Atlantic. Thanks, Google Images.

Considering nearly every basketball website in the world has kindly furnished you with extensive season previews (we recommend Skeets’ efforts at Ball Don’t Lie, and John Hollinger’s terrifically geeked out team-by-team analysis at ESPN), we’re going to keep this relatively short.

Besides, we just don’t have time to dedicate 1300 words to each and every franchise. We’re far too busy with extremely important matters, like looking at the facial hair of the NBA, or rifling through players’ trashcans to find their rehab diaries.

But as serious ball freaks, we couldn’t let a fresh season kick off without a preview feature. We’ll keep things comfortably brief, so your eyeballs don’t get tired (you owe my optometrist money, Hollinger).  We’ll kick things off with the Atlantic, one of the most oceanic of the six divisions:

Boston Celtics: Fearing his team may grow fat with self-congratulation, Kevin Garnett returns from an off-season spent researching new motivational techniques. He settles on Full Metal Jacket as his primary source of inspiration. Brian Scalabrine leaves the team in January with a Delonte-esque ‘mood disorder,’ after Garnett calls him an ‘orange-haired, mouse-toothed piece of jump-shootin’ shit.’

New Jersey Nets: The Nets become the richest sports team in the world, on the back of merchandise purchases from the 5.3 billion Chinese fans the NBA now boasts. (Interesting fact: there are 480 million Beijing residents watching a replay of the China-USA Olympic game right now).

David Stern further corners the Chinese market, and garners praise from Chinese president Hu Jintao, by instituting ‘the Double China rule’, whereby field goals scored by Chinese players are worth twice as much as those scored by non-Chinese players. Jintao goes wild for the idea, and insists Jianlian play at least 47 minutes a game, much to the chagrin of Lawrence Frank. Jianlian still averages just 14 points a game.

Philadelphia 76ers: Despite late-season injuries to Andre Miller and Louis Williams, the Sixers scrape into the playoffs on the back of strong frontcourt play from Elton Brand and Samuel Dalembert.

With their backcourt absolutely decimated, general manager Ed Stefanski figures disheartened Philadelphia fans would benefit from a familiar face, and brings in Donovan McNabb to man the point. McNabb is viciously booed and cruelly taunted instantly, and responds by committing 27 turnovers in his first game. He does briefly excite the crowd with a full-court alley-oop to Thaddeus Young.

I is shooting threes!

'I is shooting threes! Si!'

Toronto Raptors: Shocking the naysayers, the Jermaine O’Neal and Chris Bosh frontcourt combo really works, both players averaging double-doubles, both playing the full 82 games. And notorious racist José Calderon delivers a ridiculous 5.6-1 assist-turnover ratio, nearly earning him an All-Star nod.

Unfortunately, Andrea Bargnani sabotages any playoff hopes by jacking up half-court threes, constantly screaming ‘I no go in this paint! No paint for Andrea!’ He averages 3.2 points on .071% shooting, and refuses to collect a rebound (‘Is no rebound! Mi rifiuto!’). Coach Sam Mitchell insists the Bargnani era is over, citing his wretched performances. General manager Jerry Colangelo disagrees, telling the media ‘he’s a number one pick. He’s good. I know he’s good. I drafted him. Sam will start him, and Sam will play him.’

Sam starts him, Sam plays him, and the Raptors win 21 games.

New York Knicks: With a 1-27 record, and Quentin Richardson averaging 32 field goal attempts a game at a .223% clip, the D’Antoni experiment is chalked up as a terrible failure just two months into the season.

Like a scene from an Oliver Stone-directed remake of Eddie, Rudy Guiliani is controversially named head coach, boasting that the legendary leadership skills he developed in the days and months after 9/11 will hold him in good stead. Jerome James, who spends each September eating prawn cocktails on his yacht, asks ‘what the fuck is 9/11?’

Guiliani does a much better job than Vinny Del Negro.

Posted By: Anton

Categories: On The Court · Sport Count Guide
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Ben Gordon: ‘I’ve Got My Family To Feed’

August 17, 2008 · No Comments

'mo $$ pls.'

Ben Gordon: 'mo $$$ pls.'

He may not have children yet, but Ben Gordon seems to be taking financial advice from Latrell Sprewell.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the Gordon contract situation doesn’t look good:

In a new development, Bulls guard Ben Gordon said he wouldn’t sign the Bulls’ one-year qualifying offer of $6.4 million, setting the stage for a possible stalemate.

“I’m definitely not taking it,” Gordon said Friday night at a charity function in New York. “I’ve already expressed that to them. I mean, that’s not an option.”

Gordon still wants more than $10m a year. I’m baffled. Here’s why:

1. Why would the Bulls even want him on their team? Yes, he’s apparently a hard worker, and he practices hard, and he was their leading scorer… but even at the (generously listed) height of 6′3″, he’s ridiculously undersized, and leading a team full of serious underachievers in scoring doesn’t warrant too much praise.

Another problem: his lack of height makes him a serious defensive liability, and a classic target for teams running the high pick-and-roll.

Yet another: the Bulls lack the low-post presence required to free up a shooter like Gordon. Put him on the 76ers, where Brand and Dalembert are clogging up the key, and Ben would be in heaven. Slot him into the Phoenix starting five, with O’Neal and Stoudamire taking up space and drawing double teams, and Ben would work. But in Chicago? Not so useful.

2. Plus, the Chicago roster is absolutely stuffed with shooting guards, with Kirk Hinrich, Larry Hughes, Luol Deng, and Thabo Sefolosha all capable at the two-spot. Hughes’ grotesque contract is impossible to offload, Deng is in Chi-Town to stay, and selling the potential-rich Sefolosha for cheap would be a terrible move, so either Gordon or Hinrich have to go.

3. I can think of just one general manager who could justify spending more than $10m a year on a tiny-sized shooter who offers nothing but offense, and his name is Isiah Thomas. And, unfortunately for Ben Gordon’s pocketbook, Isiah Thomas doesn’t run a team any more.

4. Finally, and most importantly, how can Ben Gordon possibly think he’s worth so much? It seems his agent, Raymond Brothers, has pumped him too full of confidence, promising the world, demanding Gordon expect nothing less than superstar money. But Gordon isn’t a superstar: he’s not worth Antawn Jamison money; he’s not worth Josh Smith money; he’s definitely not worth Steve Nash money.

Posted By: Anton

Want to listen to this story? Download the NBA Countcast (hosting props to the Celeb Warship).

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Signings & Firings
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Donnie, I’ll Give You Fourteen Dollars And A 2018 Second Round Pick

July 12, 2008 · No Comments

Two very bad contracts.

Two very bad contracts.

No doubt still reeling from Elton Brand’s relatively surprising move east, the Clippers took a punt that New York wouldn’t mind providing them with a cheap, inferior low-post replacement:

The Knicks have rejected a proposal from the Clippers to trade power forward Zach Randolph, league sources told SI.com.

Terms of any proposal were not known, but the Clippers have enough salary-cap space to accept Randolph’s contract without having to give the Knicks equal salaries in return.

Not a bad move from the Clippers; the idea of the busted old Knicks offering up a contract liability isn’t ridiculous and, with Eddy Curry still lumbering around the Garden, New York remains bloated down low.

Indeed, a typical owner wouldn’t be overly excited about the 48-million dollars and three years remaining on Babyhead’s contract. They would, of course, delight at the opportunity to offload it.

But Jimmy Dolan isn’t a typical owner. He is a man who has proven time and time again that he doesn’t mind paying the huge money it takes to secure the league’s most effective locker room cancers. Unfortunately for the Clippers, Dolan would rather eat a rough contract than give it away.

If the Clippers really want an unfit big man who can’t block shots, they should’ve asked for Eddy. That’s a contract Dolan might be willing to gift. (If you’re wondering, Curry will take home around 10-million a year until ‘10-’11; a real bargain for a guy who blocks just 0.5 shots a game despite being 6′11″).

Maybe the Clippers shouldn’t worry about a big guy anyway. From the world’s best basketball mind:

What’s happened in this league is that a lot of teams are playing really small. It’s a slow phasing out of the big man.

Potentially baseless update: apparently the Clippers definitely offered a second-round pick. Generous, yeah?

Posted By: Anton

Categories: Trade Talk
Tagged: , , , , , ,

See You In The Playoffs, Philly!

July 10, 2008 · 1 Comment

It took just eighty-two million dollars for Philadelphia to secure a playoff spot:

Elton Brand signed with the Philadelphia 76ers on Wednesday, giving them the low-post presence needed to contend in the Eastern Conference.

The five-year Brand deal buys them a spot in the post-season, but the 76ers still look like a confused team; a muddle of youthful potential (at 24, Andre Iguodala is the only youthful 76er totally ready to play), and veteran ability (Brand is 29, and Andre Miller is 32).

Bench depth still looks like a terrible problem, especially down low: you don’t want Shavlik Randolph getting court time (actually, you probably don’t want the guy on your team*), and Reggie Evans offers his rebounding and absolutely nothing else.

It’s not all bad news: If you believe the hype, Louis Williams still has miles of upside (check his game log though: have you ever seen a clearer picture of inconsistency?); the Dalembert-Brand frontcourt will be potent; Thaddeus Young could well develop into a volume scorer; and this is the year we finally find out if Iguodala is a franchise player.

The verdict for ‘08-’09? If Philadelphia stays put, they’re not getting past the second round. But should they order in some bench help, they’ll be tough to beat in the weak East.

*Shavlik, a hyper-religious product of North Carolina, said of John Amaechi: ‘As long as you don’t bring your gayness on me, I’m fine.’ At power forward, for your 76ers: a total dick.

Categories: Signings & Firings
Tagged: , , , , , , , , ,