The Sport Count

Entries tagged as ‘Detroit Pistons’

Detroit Frustrates Basketball Fans Even Further

November 4, 2008 · No Comments

bringing personality to Motown.

The Answer: bringing personality to Motown.

Just 48 hours ago, basketball fans led an easy life. We knew who we liked and who we disliked. Things were black and white in the NBA. Now Detroit and Denver have gone and muddied the waters, by setting off the first blockbuster trade of the season.

With Allen Iverson set to pack his bags and head to Motown, and Chauncey Billups and Antonio McDyess heading back to Colorado, basketball fans will have to reconsider their opinions. Over here at The Sport Count, we thought we had Detroit figured. We were happy to consider them a faceless, coldly-efficient franchise. Rip Hamilton is an unlikable, pesky defender; Chauncey is a highly-competent but less-than-exciting point guard; Tayshaun Prince isn’t unlikable, but he’s not electrifying; and Sheed is a big angry moron. They were the team of second-tier NBA identities who were consistently able to bring teams down to their slow grind of play, and suck the fun out of just about any game.

No longer is this true. In Iverson, Detroit have picked up one of the most colorful NBA identities ever, and perhaps more annoyingly, a genuinely exciting, explosive talent who is a joy to watch. The Count is displeasd about this, because we had already planned which games to watch and had efficiently discounted any match-up involving San Antonio or Detroit. So now we’ll have to figure out whether or not it’s worth committing a few hours to watching one of the least likable teams in basketball for the sporadic moments of brilliance from AI. Worse, basketball fans now have to think about whether Detroit just picked up the offensive talent they needed to translate their conference finals form into genuine championship contention.

On the other side of the coin, Denver also becomes less likable. Nothing against Chauncey and McDyess, but between Iverson, Melo and Andersen, there was an enjoyably large number of criminal charges at Denver. The move is probably a good one for Denver, as they now have a genuine point guard and perimeter threat in Billups, which will give Melo room to move as the number one option on the offensive end. But for anyone not a Denver fan, we’ve lost the nightly buzz generated by the possibility that Melo and AI combine to choke an entire opposing team in a violent 12 second melee. And that, as an NBA fan, is a sad thing to lose.

Posted by: Alex

Categories: Off The Court · Signings & Firings · Trade Talk
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George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People (Unless They’re The Celtics)

September 23, 2008 · 8 Comments

Paul Pierce, Kendrick Perkins, a terrible human.

L-R: Paul Pierce, Kendrick Perkins, a terrible human.

I know it’s not a big deal. I get that. Yeah, the Celtics went to the White House, but it wasn’t a political statement, nor a vote of confidence in an embattled, incompetent figurehead. Of course not.

It was just an obligatory photo opportunity; an easy way for an increasingly irrelevant President to score a few points with the sport fans of America. Or, for the less cynical, simply a nice bit of high-level acknowledgement for the hard-working Celtics.

But isn’t it patently ridiculous, nigh absurd, that the Celtics are forced to meet Bush?

I’m not here to make cheap Dubya zingers — they’re nearly as played out as Michael Jackson jokes — but why would a team of athletes want to meet an embarrassment to democracy like Bush? Are they forced to attend? If a politically-minded player justifiably opted to reject a Bush handshake, would they be fined or suspended?

The typical NBA player didn’t grow up rich. They didn’t grow up privileged, blessed by nepotism or undue favour. They worked ridiculously hard to be good at basketball — one of the few ways a kid from the projects, or the neglected outer suburbs of America, can get serious money. Many of them could never afford college, were it not for the scholarships granted to them. Many, had their NBA dreams shattered like the thousands before them, would not be able to afford adequate healthcare.

So why would they want to meet a man like Bush, a manifestation of the cruel ease with which a white, untalented, unintelligent, uneducated goon can get rich and powerful?

Hell, maybe some of the Celtics are die-hard Republicans. I don’t know. Maybe some Boston ballers adore the lofty tax breaks given to the rich.

Maybe some relate to Washington resident Gilbert Arenas, who recently disappointed his fans by spouting this ridiculous drivel:

It’s hard for me to vote, because since I’ve been in the NBA I’ve been in the upper class so I’ve been a Republican. If you have any type of money, you’re a Republican, period.

Whatever, Gilbert. I’m guessing most NBA players aren’t real Bush family fans. I know Rasheed Wallace isn’t. When asked about meeting Bush after the Pistons won the 2004 championship, Wallace had this to say:

I don’t have shit to say to [Bush]. I didn’t vote for him. It’s just something we have to do.

Right on, Rasheed.

Posted By: Anton

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Off The Court
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Most Missable Games Of The 2008-2009 Schedule

August 13, 2008 · 5 Comments

Since this week’s release of the 2008-2009 NBA Schedule, the internet has been awash with guides on top games, key match ups and the contests you just can’t miss. With all of this positive swill, you’d be forgiven for thinking the entire schedule was completely unmissable.

I don't want to watch this.

Knicks Vs Bucks: I don't want to watch this.

Delving into the schedule like excited kids unwrapping a Christmas stocking, The Sport Count were saddened to see that beneath the Tonka Trucks (Cavs vs. Boston), GI Joes (Phoenix vs. New Orleans) and PSPs (LA vs. Utah) were several large and sooty lumps of coal.

Lucky for you that when The Count finds coal, we make fire, so sit back for a quick snapshot of the NBA’s Most Missable games of 2008-2009:

Wednesday, 29 October 2008: Indiana @ Detroit

The Pistons will suit up with the same unlikeable and charmless roster as last year — yes, Kwame, we’re trying to forget about you — and will offer little more than cruel efficiency and the occasional Rodney Stuckey highlight.

Rip Hamilton’s constant cutting and Phantom Of The Opera aesthetic will dominate lottery-bound Indiana. You could try cheering for the Pacers, but it might be difficult to get past the fact that Mike Dunleavy is possibly their best player.

A highlight for the neutral will be the hotly contested point guard slot for the Pacers: TJ Ford will justifiably start, and Jamaal Tinsley –- if he’s still around –- will spend his bench time working on a plan to shoot Ford right in the neck, ‘to explode the spine’.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008: Boston @ Oklahoma

If you’re keen on watching a championship team packed with superstar veterans beat the absolute christ out of a young team dealing with life in a new city, you’re in luck.

You’re also a bit of a bastard, because –- barring Kevin Garnett’s tendons snapping, Ray Allen freaking out and refusing to play because ‘there’s too much dirt in the arena’, and Paul Pierce sitting out because ‘the best player in the world can do what he wants’ — this will be an absolute bloodbath.

One positive for the Thunder? It’ll be a thorough, comprehensive introduction to total failure and substantial loss for the people of Oklahoma. And that’s a feeling they’ll have to get used to.

Monday, 23 February 2009: Indiana @ New York

Knicks and Pacer fans who remember those classic Madison Square Garden duels are in for a treat: think of Reggie Miller sparring against Spike Lee and nailing clutch 3s; think of a proud Patrick Ewing clogging the paint and giving Rik Smits nightmares.

Now, think of TJ Ford facing off against Danilo Gallinari. Think of the ball bouncing off Chris Duhon’s knee as he crosses half-court. Think of Eddy Curry and Zack Randolph sprinting the floor and establishing position on the low block, just as the shot clock ticks over to ‘8.’ That’s what the 2008-2009 rendition of this great rivalry promises the Pacer and Knick faithful.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009: New York @ Milkwaukee

Scintillating matchups. Where Amazing Happens! The most exciting league in the world!

Bobby Simmons dumps the ball into Andrew Bogut, who attempts five shots from within two feet (NBA loses eight fans), before Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry eventually grab a team rebound (NBA loses 12 fans), and Duhon throws an outlet pass to Nate Robinson which goes over his head and hits Danilo Gallinari in the face (NBA loses 15 fans, gains five clips on YouTube).

The highlight of this game will be seeing the exact moment when Richard Jefferson thinks ‘if this is the NBA, I’m going to Europe next year’.

Friday, 3 April 2009: Rockets @ LA Lakers

Back on His Hit Show in '09.
Andrew Bynum: Back On His Hit Show.

While this looks like a good game, you need to look at the date. By this point in the season, both Yao and Tracy McGrady will be riding the bench with elephantitis and chronic fatigue syndrome, respectively. Pau Gasol will have been released from the Lakers due to his incessant racism toward newly signed point guard, Sun Yue (evidenced here).

Kobe Bryant will be in hospital for attempting to jump over a helicopter in his annual marketing stunt, and Andrew Bynum will taking a sabbatical to go back to his roots as the star of Nickelodeon’s Kenan And Kel.

So this is your question: would you watch Lamar Odom play one-on-one against Ron Artest?

Posted by: James & Anton

Categories: On The Court
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The Reading List: Cuban Supports Europe

August 10, 2008 · No Comments

Cuban totally gets Europe.

Cuban totally gets Europe.

That whole ‘bloggers out of the locker room‘ thing was clearly ridiculous, but Mark Cuban is capable of absolutely nailing it when it comes to the business of sport. Right now, Europe looks more enemy (’no LeBron in the NBA? What?! I’ll kill you mothe –’) than friend, but Cuban can see the bigger picture*:

Let’s say for the sake of example a couple players got 25mm, 50mm or whatever a year pay and they play on teams that just dominate. They rip apart every team they face. What happens next? People wonder who the best teams in the world are. When that discussion becomes serious, the NBA and those winning overseas teams get paid. European Soccer has done a phenomenal job of inventing tournaments that drive huge revenues and TV dollars.

This would allow the NBA to do the same thing. Take a Christmas break, or do it in the summer, where the top 6 records in the league play the top 6 teams over there, with the revenues from the event being split primarily among the participant teams rather than equally among all NBA teams. Not only would that be a great revenue source for all the teams involved, but it would create a huge economic incentive for the other 24NBA teams and all overseas team to become top tier teams.

Then of course we could create our own World Cup type tournament every 4 years. ALL of this could open the door to create more NBA owned competition. I’m not saying it would be easy or automatic. Quite a few parties that dont always see eye to eye would have to come to agreement, But the timing for all of that is right and its an amazing opportunity for players, leagues and teams alike.

You can see that panning out, right? It’s totally possible. And if more quality basketball tournaments around the world could potentially lead to less bloody Euro soccer (not football) on ESPN Asia (’That’s Smyth with a ‘Y’? I get it!!‘), I’m all for it.

The Hawks re-signed Josh Smith: It was always going to happen. For all his odd mistakes and occasionally unfocused play, Smith fits in perfectly at the young Hawks (Horford and Smith after a year playing together? That’s a good frontcourt). Atlanta did well on the financial front by letting the free agency bear market set the price. I’m just a little bummed that the Grizzlies couldn’t get him; imagine Conley, Mayo, Gay, Josh Smith, and Hakim Warrick as a smallball starting line-up. I’d lose hundreds betting on Memphis wins that never come, just because I’d love watching them play.

I’m a fan of the Sports Illustrated vaults: 1997, before the rings came, and a young rookie from the Virgin Islands met the Admiral, and they discussed Einstein’s theory of relativity. One year earlier and Utah’s pick-and-roll show is having troubles against the young Reign Man and his sidekick, The Glove.

Quick reads: Kwame Brown on his move to the Pistons: ‘You don’t know me! Shuuut up! You don’t know me! You don’t know me!!’ … I hope you saw Andrei Kirilenko at the Olympic opening ceremony, because he was dressed like an inmate in a criminal rehabilitation centre owned and operated by Willy Wonka. Here he is on Ball Don’t Lie … It’s not that new, but the latest Funston Big Board is worth a read. Also, I really like saying ‘Funston Big Board.’

Posted By: Anton

*Homes, trust he done seen it, from Frankfurt to Cologne, Oslo to Sweden.

Categories: The Reading List
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How to Make Your Franchise Less Likable

July 29, 2008 · No Comments

‘The People’s Bust’ Kwame Brown is reportedly locked in to sign an $8m, two-year deal with the Detroit Pistons, finally ending the months and months of speculation which have accompanied the former #1 pick’s every move (see here).

Kwame Brown - a Purple Pterodactyl

Kwame Brown - a Purple Pterodactyl

Kwame Brown and the Detroit Pistons agreed on a two-year deal - including a player option for the second season - worth $8 million, team president of basketball operations Joe Dumars told The Associated Press on Monday night.

Dumars is a guy who has gotten major kudos over the past few years for making great moves — all Darkos aside — but this has got to rank up their with his most potentially misguided gambles.

Sure, $4m a year isn’t a great deal of cash, but it’s more a case of principle; we just hate Kwame Brown, and so does pretty much everyone who has any sort of sense in the NBA stratosphere.

Kwame is boring. Kwame is fat. Kwame is the type of guy who you hope loses all of his money in an unfortunate pyramid scheme (and I’m not talking about Browns’ attempts to fit into the triangle offense over the past three years). Kwame is the type of person who would come to your birthday party without a gift, drink all of the booze, then spill stuff on your stereo.

Kwame is the black Chris Andersen. Kwame is the living Eddie Griffin. He has small hands. He can’t defend. He can’t score. He has no upside. He also looks a little bit like a pterodactyl.

Great work, Detroit. You just found a way for me to hate you more.

Posted by: James

Categories: Signings & Firings
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