A simple case of ‘don’t draft lanky Europeans with your first overall selection,’ a cardinal rule of GMology (the science of Chris Wallace). We looked at those averages (3.9 rebounds per game and 12 points off .300 shooting) and thought that it was a formality. 2006’s First Overall Selection, Andrea Bargnani, would be back at Treviso plying his trade with Starbury and Qyntel Woods, sneaking out for cheeky chinottos with Brandon Jennings, before you could say allargamento di contratto.
"Children, look my career, it doing this"
Then something happened. Something about as strange as seeing Brad Pitt age backwards in an Oscar contender.
The Sport Count has been prompted to make a call which makes our skin crawl — one which is intrinsically contrary to every single fibre of our collective cyber being (see the linked reading here, here and here).
Andrea Bargnani is for real.
In fact, he’s Vero.
Dr. Drea has been hurling Dante-esque infernos on the stat sheet; so much so that many are convinced that his first two years in the league were a Machiavellian trick. He’s been painting the stat sheet like the Sistine Chapel, and diving straight into stats like an Italian man on the soccer field. He’s been cured, like the meats he ritualistically enjoys each day in the locker room to the chagrin of Anthony Parker’s vegan sensibilities.
Last month we’ve seen numbers from Bargnani which are taking him well out of the Darko equation. We’ve seen 19 points, 2.3 threes, more than 5 rebounds at a .498 clip — stratospheric numbers for the lanky Italian. He’s 72% owned in Yahoo! fantasy leagues and there have even been reports out of Italy of a well known small goods producer releasing a limited edition sub brand, Bargnani’s Salamis. 2009 is the year of Bargnani.
The Raptors are suddenly starting to put some W’s together, and with the return of José Calderon this week, we should expect to see the Dinos make a relatively solid run at Eastern Conference playoff contention, despite their lacklustre first half.
With Bargnani fulfilling / exceeding his potential this calendar year, we’re excited about the prospect of yet another ridiculous looking man being great at basketball. I personally will be streaming as many Raptor games as is possible, grinning like an idiot at my screen as a 7-foot 7 year old spots up for another triple.
We might still be a way away from the NBA’s first Italian All-Star, but we’re heartened by the fact that we’ll be seeing Bargnani’s ridiculous grinning visage on our screens for years to come.
For those of you who think you read this story in August, think again.
As the league almost painfully waits in anticipation for the 2010 free agent crop to become available, one of the marquee free agents from the much heralded 2003 draft class has rocked the wires with a not-so-secret Euro dream.
'Europe has culture, Europe has ballet, Europe has my castle.'
In news which will shock fans of pure basketball and the Grizzlies alike, the #2 overall selection in the 2003 draft, Darko Milicic has declared his intention to return to the breadbasket of fundamental ball; the foul continent of cheese, wine and unconsentual buggery, Europe.
As has been reported by Real GM, Slobodan Bustlosovic doesn’t want to play the NBA game forever, shocking all of us who were sold hook, line and sinker by the joie de vivre emmitted by Darko every time he sets foot in an NBA arena.
“In Europe, I can be a different player with the ball going through me,” Milicic said. “Here, you take a shot and you just don’t want to miss. You think too much. I want the ball to go through me so I can have a chance to miss without worrying about it.”
It really looks like Darko is missing the mediocrity of the European game, where missing is encouraged and 12 point, 10 rebound efforts from styrofoam-soft 7-Footers are rewarded with 10 virgins every day (whose necks have already been pierced so Darko can drink their blood at will). The location of the leagues are also close to Darko’s castle, which he’s attempted to replicate in Memphis to horrendous ends.
On a serious note, this is the equivalent of starting Metal Gear Solid 4 on Medium, and after an hour or so of tough, challenging and genuinely exciting action, turning the level to easy and blazing through the game in 3 hours.
"I received this letter from The Sport Count at 10:03 this morning..."
Dear David,
We write in regards to the rumours currently doing the rounds of teh internetz which suggest Memphis will be trading famous Eurobust and bench stain Darko Milicic to New York. We understand that in return, the Grizzlies will receive Zach Randolph and his bowel-moving contract.
As fans of the game of basketball, and particularly the NBA, we urge you in the strongest possible terms to veto this trade. Do not let it happen. For the good of the game, prohibit these teams from dealing dirty laundry in such a public manner.
It is not that we feel the trade is unfair in any way. Nor do we feel there is unsportsmanlike behaviour occurring. The reality is far more horrible. Allowing this trade to go through will represent the single worst example of the game being brought into disrepute. It is the NBA equivalent of a man swapping his sewerage to a neighbour for a bucket of the other man’s sick — neither party can be trusted or respected following the transaction.
Think of the fans, David. Think of the many people who, having followed each franchise with sincerity and passion, will have to find a new team.
Think about the New Yorkers, whose once-proud team has the opportunity to rebuild under Mike D’Antoni, but is now seemingly prepared to take on the biggest joke in the league, and his terrible contract, rather than a sporadically-functioning big man.
Think about the Memphis fans who have thrown their support behind perennial journeyers the Grizzlies. Finally their faith has been rewarded, with an exciting young team in Gay, Mayo, Arthur and Conley, now only to be saddled with a man who takes 14 seconds to transition the court, and has no conception of defence.
It is unjust, David. It is wrong. The fans’ stomachs cannot handle this. We have had to endure Seattle being stripped of their team, Adam Morrison’s face, almost 5 years of Isiah Thomas, and the Bargnani pick. Don’t make us go through this. If you have any compassion left behind that ruthless business acumen, heed our cry, and prevent this trade from happening.
Darko Milicic’s agent, Marc Cornstein, wouldn’t be the least bit opposed to a trade that would send his client to the Knicks and Zach Randolph to Memphis. ‘If a trade were to happen to New York, Darko would be very excited to play with Coach D’Antoni,’ said Cornstein.
Oh really, Cornstein? Darko would be okay with New York? Shit, if Darko is literally superglued to the end of the Memphis bench, he should still be gleeful — after all, he is getting paid huge cash for potential that doesn’t exist. (And if you’re wondering, Donnie Walsh, Darko could contribute in the Big Apple: come 2009, he’ll be a nice expiring contract).
Speaking of New York, Jamal Crawford is joining the blogging ranks. His first entry, entitled ’so you think I’m a loser…’, makes me think I’ll seriously enjoy his work. On criticism of his shot selection:
This is the biggest area that I HAVE to improve on and where I’m criticized the most…and for good reason. I HONESTLY feel like I can make every shot that I take. You have to understand that’s how I feel when I play. Some nights it happens but a lot of times it doesn’t.
Obama has the size and the skills, but Palin would probably want it more. However, if it was a game of 2-on-2 and you had to pick a teammate from your own region, Obama would win easily. An Obama-Mark Aguire tickets destroys Palin and Carlos Boozer.
Kelly Dwyer rains some justified burns on Vince Carter. Remember when Onyx asked ‘who slams harder: Onyx or Vince Carter?’ Well, maybe the answer really was Onyx. And if you can’t recall that Kotter-sampling classic, allow me to assist:
Our man John Rillie talks Corey ‘Homicide’ Williams, his Australian league teammate:
We all know that Corey “Homicide” Williams has some serious speed on the basketball court. In fact there are very few people, if any, who are able to stay in front of him when Williams is at full speed. The same can not be said for our Homicide when he is behind the wheel of a car… or a go-kart, anyway.
Bill Simmons is back, and he’s taking a look at the new NFL season. In that spirit, here are some quick Sport Count predictions: the Giants won’t win the Super Bowl again — I know, bold call! — meaning I won’t win big money on a seemingly ridiculous bet again. Tom Brady is going to be a fantasy force, irritating the naysaying punters who let him slide into the second round. And Chris Cooley, American football’s greatest blogger, will skip ahead of Antonio Gates and total douchebag Jeremy Shockey as the best tight end in the game.
Yep, that’s right. Newsday is reporting that, in an effort to rid their roster of the bloated Z-Bo contract, New York are in discussions with GM Of The Year Chris Wallace about the availability of running joke, and occasional power forward, Darko Miličić.
We recently rated the Knicks Roster contract by contract, so we’re all over the logic. Yes, I understand the benefits of freeing up cap space for 2010. I understand that Z-Bo doesn’t fit the system and is probably the worst contract on the team outside of Starbury (aka Stephon Marbury, aka ‘The Cancer’s Cancer’), but that’s all beside the point.
My issue with this trade is dignity. It’s a very simple rule: if you’re already being criticised for your bad decisions and poor management, don’t trade for the single worst decision in NBA Draft History (although Michael Olowakandi might have something to say about that). I’d rather sign Robert ‘Tractor’ Traylor. I’d honestly rather do business with whichever European team owns the rights to Qyntel Woods than subject my fans to the affront of having to watch Darko Miličić in my team’s colours.
Thank God the Knicks just traded the rights to Frederic Weis, because we’d be one call up away from an entirely European frontcourt – a move which would surely prompt riots in MSG, and a short film on the racism of the Knicks from Spike Lee (filmed in a Cinema Verite style from his half-court, courtside seats, narrated by Tracy Morgan).
The only positive in this situation is that Darko and New Darko (Danilo Gallinari) may, in fact, find themselves on the court at the same time. That might just create a rift in the space/time continuum, which would allow Walt Frazier and Bernard King to arrive in a DeLorean, ensuring that the Knicks make the Eastern Conference Finals for the first time since 1995.
It'd have to be killing Iverson how few teams want him. 7 hours ago
@docktora Roy Hibbert is a surething for a massive breakout, right? He'll get starts, stacks of minutes, and he can score, board AND block. 19 hours ago
@Daniel_Artest You still hitting New Zealand soon? You should write up some diaries of your trip. Start a blog. Or write for us? 19 hours ago
If the Raps can pick up Jarrett, that's a great Calderon back-up. Doesn't make up for the terrible Hedo signing though. 19 hours ago
@docktora best case scenario is just sub-Ariza without the steals. He'll be a perpetual 8th man, classic energy guy. 1 day ago
