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Entries tagged as ‘Cleveland Cavaliers’

Notes From The Game: Bulls Vs. Cavaliers

November 6, 2008 · No Comments

evidently quite good at basketball.

Derrick Rose: evidently quite good at basketball.

As real Obama freaks, The Sport Count team have been in Chicago all week. But we figured it was worth a trip out to Cleveland to see the The President’s Own Team in action. Here are some brief notes from the game:

Look at this photo while blasting Coolio. It works.

Look at this photo while blasting Coolio. It works.

- Turns out cornrows are back, if they ever left at all. Both Delonte West and Thabo Sefolosha have them; both look like extras from Dangerous Minds. Then there’s Drew Gooden’s Pirates Of The Caribbean effort. He’s calling it ‘The Johnny’ for reasons I’m too physically disgusted to discuss.

- In other follicular news, Mike Brown clearly worked on a tight little goatee in the off-season. It’s my second favourite off-season beard change, just after — who else? — Big Poppa Popovich.

- Derrick Rose can get to the hoop. Quickly. It’s preternatural, all instinct, like the five defenders he’s just beaten aren’t there. And he doesn’t need tricks to do it either; no killer crossover, or pre-drive pump fake, nor Tony Parker-esque circus shots. Like Monta Ellis and Chris Paul, he just sees the ring, attaches the ball to an invisible string, and takes a couple of easy steps forward. Rose ends the night with 20 points and seven assists.

- It remains difficult to believe that Anderson Varejao is good at basketball; he looks too ridiculous, like a 1970s soccer star, or a flip flop-sporting exchange student visiting Southern California. Or Pablo Escobar’s second-best bodyguard. n some ways, I guess he isn’t particularly good at basketball. His shot-taking instincts remain fairly comical, and his passing game is non-existent at best, grotesque at worst. But the energy and intensity is palpable, and the Cavaliers look much stronger with him out there.

only scores points by accident.

Ben Wallace: only scores points by accident.

- It’s been written, said or sung so very many times before, but if Ben Wallace wasn’t on such a brutally fat contract, would he seriously be getting more than 10 minutes a game? Yes, okay, he can still put on the occasional rebounding clinic — he grabs 14 boards tonight, including a memorable series in which Busted Ben rises above every single Bull to bring down two consecutive offensive boards.

But it kills your team when you give a big man 28 minutes and he rewards you with zero points on 0-2 shooting. In fact, he’s averaging 2.0 points for the season. In other words, the Cavaliers are playing four-on-five on offense (and three-on-five when Wally Szczerbiak isn’t firing). Unacceptable. It has to end.

- In the second quarter, we see Ben Gordon fire a pinpoint pass straight to no one. Just one of many manifestations of a Bulls team that remains confused and disorganised. (Gordon, however, was one of the bright spots for Chicago tonight, putting up 31 points on 11-19. Cue fantasy owners figuring Ben is back in form, only to be rewarded by 6 points at 16% in his next game).

- Have the Bulls given up on Joakim Noah? He’s played just 23 minutes total in the past three games, and his efforts haven’t exactly made the case for more — he’s had four points and four caroms in that time. Ugly. You figure he could still be sold high, considering his length, and rawness (general managers love rawness — it means they can talk about ‘development’ a lot), and his fairly recent glory days in Florida. Time to hit the phones, John Paxson. Try the Bobcats. They’re in need of power forward who isn’t 18% pie, and Michael Jordan is easily fleeced.

- After his sub-par last season, and a terrible one point (on 0-8 shooting) effort against the Magic two nights ago, Luol Deng (18 points, seven boards) seems to have semi-remembered how basketball works. Key facts he has been reminded of: put the ball in the hoop, pass to players dressed in the same colour as you, don’t just stand there when a loose ball is nearby.

- LeBron James has developed a low-post game. Jesus christ. He’s still getting better!

- End score: 107-93. It briefly seemed like the Bulls might make a game of it… and then LeBron came in, sank a lay-up (plus one), tipped in a miss, and hit a jumper. He finished with 41.

‘That’s me,’ Bron Bron told the media. ‘When it’s time for me to go out and close a game, that’s what I’m capable of doing.’ He’s a self-aware guy.

Posted By: Anton

Totally unrelated, but if you’d like to see the best jersey in the world, as seen at the Nuggets-Warriors game, click on.

(more…)

Categories: On The Court
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Your Guide To NBA Tattoos: Part Three

September 6, 2008 · 5 Comments

Over the past three weeks, The Sport Count has looked at the very best and very worst of NBA tattoos. Mainly the worst.

If you’ve missed Luke Walton’s dunking monkeys, Tim Duncan’s Merlin love, or Marquis Daniels’ depiction of a man shooting himself in the head with a shotgun, head over to parts one and two.

Dennis Rodman.

Who is it? Dennis Rodman, celebrated star of Geek To Freak With Dennis Rodman.

What do they appear to depict? Two angry bulls, a motorcycle blazing through the fires of hell, a crucifix, a rose, and the same ‘Celtic armband’ every young male had inked on their bicep back in ‘98 (because it’d look totally sick at the Sugar Ray gig).

Why did he get them? If we’re getting literal–and Rodman isn’t known for his love of the figurative–one assumes the Bulls are a tribute to his Chicago days.

The rose, motorcycle, and armband are easily explained: Dennis walked into his local tattoo parlour, threw a couple of hundred dollar bills at the artist, closed his eyes, spun around, and pointed at random designs on the wall.

Were they a good idea? As you know, freaks have tattoos, and geeks don’t. Dennis doesn’t want to be a geek, does he?

Who is it? DeShawn Stevenson.

DeShawn Stevenson

What does it appear to depict? It looks a whole lot like Deshawn’s surname, tattooed on his back.

Why did he get it? Stevenson’s family have a very tiny television, and were having serious problems distinguishing him from Gilbert Arenas (as if the handles, or lack thereof, weren’t a giveaway).

DeShawn solved the problem, only to realise that David Stern insists players may not be shirtless on the court. What a fascist prick.

Was it a good idea? It really depends.

No, if you plan on committing crimes shirtless. Yes, if you’re counting on an angry LeBron James coming to your house and taking every single one of your worldly possessions–including your team jerseys–on a whim.

No, if you’re in a DC nightclub trying to pick up chicks while pretending you’re Caron Butler. Yes, if you like to represent really hard while catching a tan (important if your beach needs a back-up shooting guard, and has a bunch of cap space).

Who is it? Brazil native, and noted NBA failure, Rafael Araújo. (If you’re wondering, his name is pronounced ‘Ha-fa-ew Ah-rah-oo-zhoo.’ Good news is you won’t ever have to say it, unless you land a commentary job with the Russian Basketball Super League).

What does it appear to depict? A Japanese symbol, and a dinosaur eating, um, a turkey?

Why did he get it? Brazil seems like an odd place, if you believe the internet, full of freaked out Catholics, big-arsed babes, dead baby penguins, and (according to Yahoo! Answers) ‘lots of prostitutes and transsexuals.’

If you grow up amongst that, a T-Rex hooking into a gamebird probably makes a weird kind of sense.

Was it a good idea? Calling that design an ‘idea’ may be giving it too much credit.

Who is it? Obscure Cleveland forward LeBron James.

What does it appear to depict? LeBron’s tattoo depicts the humble, but potentially apt, phrase, Chosen 1. There’s a small dot in the middle, so it looks like it could be his Diablo II character’s name (’NO SPACES ALLOWED’).

Why did he get it? When he was 15, LeBron James was a bookworm. Forget the ESPN covers and the national coverage for his high school games, the one thing that LeBron liked to do (aside from violate amateur athlete laws) was read, and his poison of choice? Harry Potter.

LeBron empathised with the central character. James was similarly blessed with remarkable skills that others did not understand, or possess. He, like Potter, was forced to live in a closet beneath the stairs. And he shared an inexplicable fondness of owls with the boy wizard. When it came time to bless the national stage with his talents, LeBron insisted on honouring his inspiration with a shout out to J.K. Rowling — the master of the literary jumpshot.

Was it a good idea? Potter references aside, it’s a bold call to put ‘Chosen 1′ on your back in enormous script.

Admittedly, it’s pretty hard to make jokes about LeBron, because he’s actually very good. But for all of that ‘humble hero’ stuff, and the ‘this is the star the NBA needed’ rhetoric (which you’re sure to hear 400 times if you start a season on NBA 2k8 with the Cavs), LeBron’s back tattoo is the most arrogant tattoo in the world.

It’s lucky he can back it up.

Posted By: Anton, Alex & James

Categories: Off The Court · Sport Count Guide · Your Guide To NBA Tattoos
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Old, Busted, Irrelevant, Useless? Here’s A Million Dollars!

September 3, 2008 · 2 Comments

Who? Danny Ferry? I'll call him back. I'm resting my feet.

'Who? Danny Ferry? I'll call him back. I'm resting my feet.'

Just when you thought Danny Ferry–that shiny-headed testament to expensive mediocrity–had stepped his game up, he reminds you why he should be fired. From HoopsWorld.com:

A report from the Cleveland Plain Dealer has linked the Cleveland Cavaliers to free agent forward Juwan Howard. They cite his numbers from Houston two years ago - 9.7 points and 5.9 rebounds in 27 minutes per game - and label him “productive.”

The last time Juwan Howard was a serious frontcourt force, Jay-Z was still retired, The Passion Of The Christ was getting panties in bunches, and Marilyn Manson was culturally relevant.

Similar story with Jamaal Magloire, who recently inked a minimum money deal with the Miami Heat — a team apparently basing its personnel decisions on the ‘hey, at least we’re not just calling up another D-Leaguer, right?’ principle. The most positive spin on Magloire we’ve seen? From Slam: ‘it can’t turn out worse than the Smush Parker signing last season.’ Unless Jamaal chokes two valets.

Sure, the veterans minimum won’t kill your cap space, and the temptation to chance a previously useful veteran is semi-understandable. But are you seriously telling me that a lumbering goon like Ol’ Man Magloire is going to help your team more than, say, Rod Benson? Does Danny Ferry really think Juwan Howard represents the frontcourt help LeBron needs?

Posted By: Anton

In breaking news: The Philadelphia Enquirer reports that the Sixers are set to sign Donyell Marshall.

More breaking news: The Sport Count reports Kevin McHale has been impressed with John Havlicek in workouts. ‘He’s still got it,’ McHale said, wearing a sweater. ‘He’s as old as time itself, but he’s still got great footwork, and he’ll be a great veteran influence on our young team.’

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Signings & Firings
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A Milwaukee Lesson In Bad Management

August 16, 2008 · 1 Comment

Want a good guy cheap? Call the Bucks now.

Want a good guy cheap? Call the Bucks now.

Considering the ridiculous glut of small forwards clogging the Bucks’ roster, I understand the need to dump a contract or two.

Indeed, with Desmond Mason, Charlie Villaneuva, Richard Jefferson, and future bust Joe Alexander all on the depth chart at the three-spot — not even mentioning Michael Redd and Charlie Bell, both of whom have spent time, albeit briefly, as swingmen — it was clear at least one of them would have to go.

But that doesn’t explain why they gave away Mason for so little. He may have a replaceable skillset — shoot-first wingmen aren’t too hard to come by — but plenty of teams could have used him, or at least his expiring contract.

As for justifications for gifting Mo Williams away in return for a second-stringer like Luke Ridnour? There are none. It represents yet another reason why Bill Simmons’ campaign to manage the Bucks wasn’t completely preposterous.

Yes, Williams’ contract may have seemed a little too large for the Bucks, especially considering the inexplicably incredible play of back-up Ramon Sessions late last season (remember the second last game of the season, when he dropped 24 dimes on Chicago? Who saw that coming?). And sure, Mo was yet another scorer on a team already packed with bucket fillers.

But letting a sweet shooting (48% from the field in ‘07-’08), easy scoring (17.2 points a game) floor manager go for next to nothing is abominable roster management. If the best offer you can find for your starting point man is seriously a red-headed John Mayer lookalike who couldn’t beat out Earl Watson on the Seattle depth chart, take your finger off the trigger and wait a better offer to hit the inbox. Plus, you’ll be paying Ridnour, and his busted legs, $6.5m per year. Which isn’t good.

You’re telling me the Mason and Mo duo couldn’t bring a bit of frontcourt depth to Milwaukee? (In case you’ve forgotten, when Andrew Bogut needs a rest, the Bucks have two options: Jake Voskuhl and Dan Gadzuric). You’re telling me they couldn’t address their greatest need: someone who is capable of playing defense? You’re telling me Adrian bloody Griffin, who hasn’t averaged more than five points since ‘01-’02, Damon Jones, who isn’t good at anything but sporadically nailing open threes, and Luke Ridnour were the best the Bucks could do?

Good lord.

Only Chris Wallace at the Grizzlies would think a contract dump like this is acceptable, though even he would’ve at least negotiated the inclusion of a 2058 thirteenth round draft pick.

Finally, a quick note on Cleveland: Congratulations Danny Ferry, you finally did something right. Another team offered you a top-notch starting point guard in return for mediocrity, and you accepted.

Posted By: Anton

Categories: Trade Talk
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Most Missable Games Of The 2008-2009 Schedule

August 13, 2008 · 5 Comments

Since this week’s release of the 2008-2009 NBA Schedule, the internet has been awash with guides on top games, key match ups and the contests you just can’t miss. With all of this positive swill, you’d be forgiven for thinking the entire schedule was completely unmissable.

I don't want to watch this.

Knicks Vs Bucks: I don't want to watch this.

Delving into the schedule like excited kids unwrapping a Christmas stocking, The Sport Count were saddened to see that beneath the Tonka Trucks (Cavs vs. Boston), GI Joes (Phoenix vs. New Orleans) and PSPs (LA vs. Utah) were several large and sooty lumps of coal.

Lucky for you that when The Count finds coal, we make fire, so sit back for a quick snapshot of the NBA’s Most Missable games of 2008-2009:

Wednesday, 29 October 2008: Indiana @ Detroit

The Pistons will suit up with the same unlikeable and charmless roster as last year — yes, Kwame, we’re trying to forget about you — and will offer little more than cruel efficiency and the occasional Rodney Stuckey highlight.

Rip Hamilton’s constant cutting and Phantom Of The Opera aesthetic will dominate lottery-bound Indiana. You could try cheering for the Pacers, but it might be difficult to get past the fact that Mike Dunleavy is possibly their best player.

A highlight for the neutral will be the hotly contested point guard slot for the Pacers: TJ Ford will justifiably start, and Jamaal Tinsley –- if he’s still around –- will spend his bench time working on a plan to shoot Ford right in the neck, ‘to explode the spine’.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008: Boston @ Oklahoma

If you’re keen on watching a championship team packed with superstar veterans beat the absolute christ out of a young team dealing with life in a new city, you’re in luck.

You’re also a bit of a bastard, because –- barring Kevin Garnett’s tendons snapping, Ray Allen freaking out and refusing to play because ‘there’s too much dirt in the arena’, and Paul Pierce sitting out because ‘the best player in the world can do what he wants’ — this will be an absolute bloodbath.

One positive for the Thunder? It’ll be a thorough, comprehensive introduction to total failure and substantial loss for the people of Oklahoma. And that’s a feeling they’ll have to get used to.

Monday, 23 February 2009: Indiana @ New York

Knicks and Pacer fans who remember those classic Madison Square Garden duels are in for a treat: think of Reggie Miller sparring against Spike Lee and nailing clutch 3s; think of a proud Patrick Ewing clogging the paint and giving Rik Smits nightmares.

Now, think of TJ Ford facing off against Danilo Gallinari. Think of the ball bouncing off Chris Duhon’s knee as he crosses half-court. Think of Eddy Curry and Zack Randolph sprinting the floor and establishing position on the low block, just as the shot clock ticks over to ‘8.’ That’s what the 2008-2009 rendition of this great rivalry promises the Pacer and Knick faithful.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009: New York @ Milkwaukee

Scintillating matchups. Where Amazing Happens! The most exciting league in the world!

Bobby Simmons dumps the ball into Andrew Bogut, who attempts five shots from within two feet (NBA loses eight fans), before Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry eventually grab a team rebound (NBA loses 12 fans), and Duhon throws an outlet pass to Nate Robinson which goes over his head and hits Danilo Gallinari in the face (NBA loses 15 fans, gains five clips on YouTube).

The highlight of this game will be seeing the exact moment when Richard Jefferson thinks ‘if this is the NBA, I’m going to Europe next year’.

Friday, 3 April 2009: Rockets @ LA Lakers

Back on His Hit Show in '09.
Andrew Bynum: Back On His Hit Show.

While this looks like a good game, you need to look at the date. By this point in the season, both Yao and Tracy McGrady will be riding the bench with elephantitis and chronic fatigue syndrome, respectively. Pau Gasol will have been released from the Lakers due to his incessant racism toward newly signed point guard, Sun Yue (evidenced here).

Kobe Bryant will be in hospital for attempting to jump over a helicopter in his annual marketing stunt, and Andrew Bynum will taking a sabbatical to go back to his roots as the star of Nickelodeon’s Kenan And Kel.

So this is your question: would you watch Lamar Odom play one-on-one against Ron Artest?

Posted by: James & Anton

Categories: On The Court
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