(Click to enlarge)

Posted By: Anton

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No doubt you’ve heard about what is sure to be (irritatingly) dubbed Dunkgate.

If you haven’t, a quick catch-up: LeBron James was dunked on by a 19-year old college baller during a scrimmage. Some dude filmed it. LeBron had Nike representatives seize the tape, presumably to destroy it.

Understandably, most basketball fans want to see this now-famous jam. Not necessarily for the content; if you’re protecting the rim, occasionally you’re going to get dunked on, and such an occurrence is hardly earth-shattering. No, the punters want to see it because they’re not allowed to.

Except for the fans in Ohio. They’re a little too sissy to cop footage of their sensitive superstar having a ball stuffed in his face:

From ESPN:

Dear Ohio: you're a pack of babies.

Let us hope the tape never sees the light of day, lest the delicate sensibilities of Ohio natives everywhere be offended.

Posted By: Anton

Join the #defollowbosh movement on Twitter.

El Floppino earns his cash.

ESPN.com is reporting that Anderson Varejao, the most irritating-to-watch player in the game, is about to be rewarded by Cleveland with a base contract of $42.5M over 6 years, with incentives likely to push it to $50M.

This is the worst signing ever done by a team. Bar none. This makes Rashard Lewis’ contract look like the bargain buy of the century. Hell, it makes Isiah look good. Here’s the facts:

1. You have a remarkably unlikable guy on your books for six years, even if LeBron leaves, because no one else will want him.
2. You’re paying a guy $50M when he has barely managed to average 8 and 7 in a season.
3. His idea of playing defence is to fall as theatrically as possible.
4. You’re paying Anderson fucking Varejao $50M.
   

I’m going outside to kick a cat.

Posted by: Alex

See Further: Our dot-comrades over at NBAMate have a great wrap-up of Varejao’s repugnant idiocy, which is also where I found the above image.

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Being an NBA GM is tough. Unlike the rest of us, who have studied at university or (at least) high school to achieve the requisite qualifications for our job, NBA GMs inevitably come from backgrounds as former sharp-shooters, low-post threats or dotcom billionaires. It must be tough to be so ill-qualified to run a basketball team/business — which is why the Count has provided the Cliff notes for the 2009-2010 off-season:

Sometimes flowcharts speak louder than words (click to enlarge).

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Stay with me here.

Professional basketball players work hard. Not quite ‘digging in a mine shaft’ hard, but they’re not given their stacks of cash for nothing. Very late nights, constant scrutiny and insult, tough practice sessions, tedious media engagements. Not to mention the thousands of shots put up in practice before making the league, the cumulative months spent on playground courts honing the game.

But for most ballers, there is an overwhelming element of luck involved in their success. For some, it’s almost all luck.

These are the tall and unskilled of the NBA; the players blessed by genetics, their arms long, their legs able to move quickly. They are paid for their length and height, not their jumpshot or court vision. They are paid for their genetic make-up.

They are congratulated financially and socially for having the right parents.

In other words, they have a big cock.

Tyrus Thomas: a very gifted athlete.

Let me explain. Take Tyrus Thomas: an athletic wonder, long arms, blistering speed, electric calves. He can really run, and he can really jump. That’s the skillset of the 4th pick in the 2006 NBA draft. But those aren’t skills — they’re gifts. They were bestowed upon Tyrus by his parents. But those gifts came late. In his early years, the game of basketball was cruel to Tyrus.

A relatively average 5′10″ as a freshman, Thomas couldn’t even make the varsity team at McKinley High School in Baton Rouge. He wasn’t a playmaker, couldn’t shoot, lacked defensive intensity. By his junior year, he’d gained eight inches in height, but his game hadn’t improved. 6′6″ and 190 pounds, Thomas was recruited by Louisiana State University, but never offered a scholarship. He just wasn’t that good. It took a fellow recruit getting booted off the team for Tyrus to pick up a paid-for spot on the team’s roster.

Tyrus came on to campus relatively free of hype, recruits concerned the raw youngster couldn’t contribute. They were wrong. As a freshman, Thomas put up averages of 12.3 points, 9.2 rebounds and 3.1 blocks. Impressive numbers. But not many skills to go with it.

Tyrus is a sub-par NBA shooter, with a sporadic mid-range jumpshoot and awkward technique. His post game is underdeveloped. His defense can be both startling (for his ability to swat shots and poke away balls) and pathetic (his tendency to take breaks when he isn’t feeling inspired). He’s an athletic marvel, a gazel on the open floor, a high-flying genetic oddity. But if he was just four inches shorter, he wouldn’t be a top lottery pick. He wouldn’t even be in the league.

Those inches make the difference. That’s not where the schlong analogy comes in, though the difference between ‘mocked on Sex & The City’ and Dirk Diggler is just a few inches. No, the similarities lie in how people respond to an achievement you haven’t worked for.

Having a large penis requires little ability. You can help the cause, sure: don’t smoke, lest your cardiovascular system lose the ability to send blood where you want it; keep in shape, so your member isn’t hidden by flesh; shave, to ensure Jonah Hill curls don’t cloak your junk. But no pumps ordered from the internet, or wishful thinking, or desperate surgical inquiries will give you a giant wang. It comes down to your parents, and luck.

That doesn’t stop society — and, more acutely, producers and consumers of internet pornography — from fawning over oversized schlongs, as if the owner were somehow imbued with mystical properties and an inarguable masculine power. There’s an implied strength in the size, as if the bonus inches were an outward manifestation of an inner greatness.

Castro Supreme: a very gifted penis owner.

Watch one of the, uh, short films over at Monsters of Cock. The plots don’t run complex. The driving narrative forces are: a) the man involved has an enormous cock and b) the woman involved is amazed, delighted, and obsessed with that fact. The other attributes of the male are so diminished as to be invisible: the aesthetics of his face mean nothing; his work isn’t important (he’s not a deliveryman, or a pool cleaner); his personality is non-existent, beyond the fulfilment he clearly gains from having a monster cock.

Take Castro Supreme, a regular actor — perhaps ‘participant’ is a better word — in the films of MoC. Nothing is known about him. He speaks in a dull monotone, often appears bored, smiles only when a flattering comment is made about his penis. He has no perceivable ability, beyond staying erect — a testament more to his blood supply than hard work. Supreme doesn’t seem to be a particularly skilled sexual partner, nor does he exude any charisma. And yet, thanks to the preposterously large cock gifted to him, he’s carved out a career.

Castro has more than 1500 fans on Facebook. These are people impressed not by his humour, or knowledge, or even his ability to nail an 18-footer jumper under pressure. They’re impressed by his penis and, by extension, they’re impressed by him.

His job appears relatively easy, demanding just punctuality and a willingness to let any feminist inclinations fall to the wayside. In essence, he cashes cheques that his genitals have banked.

The difference between Castro Supreme and Tyrus Thomas? The 5′8″, 160 pound Castro never had a growth spurt. At least, the rest of his body didn’t. Supreme was born with a genetic aberration rewarded by society (an 11-inch johnson), whereas Tyrus was born with complex grouping of them (long arms, natural athleticism, and height).

Their respective prizes in the genetic lucky dip lend them different rewards: Castro receives $1000 per video, while Tyrus received $3,749,880 last season. But the scale of their success is the only real difference — the process is the same. They were simply born with attributes others admire.

This isn’t to devalue Supreme, nor Thomas, as people. If you don’t mind the work involved, one would be foolish not to capitalise on one’s parent-given gifts.

It is only to take notice of the sometimes strange ways society sets up its reward system. Hard work counts for a lot — look at Kobe Bryant, who works tirelessly to elevate his natural abilities, or a relatively unathletic gym rat like Chris Mullin — but it only goes so far. Unattractive people tend to be paid less than hotties; the taller of two presidential candidates tends to win the election; pornographers want males with big members; NBA scouts demand length and height. Genetic luck dictates outcome.

Tyrus Thomas didn’t work tirelessly for his success, but it doesn’t matter. He is tall. He is long. He can jump. He can run.

He didn’t earn these gifts. Like a big penis, he was given it… and he learnt how to use it.

Posted By: Anton

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So, the silly season is upon us, and the Count is ready to weigh in with opinions left, right, and centre on Ron, Trev, Charlie and Ben — who sound like a 1960s mod rock band but are, in fact, all basketball players.

What will he do? Get it?

Where should Turkoglu end up? Where is he likely to?

Anton: Let’s do the second part first. I see him signing with the Raptors, a poorly-run franchise desperate to surround Chris Bosh with known entities. Toronto want name players, guys with ‘championship experience,’ and they’ll pay for it. Being the league’s only non-US franchise, the Raptors seem to pride themselves on their international flavour, so securing the Turkish Jordan will blow minds north of the border.

Never mind that he’s yet another long three-point man who doesn’t rebound, sliding in next to Bargnani, who is carving out a semi-successful career without ever setting foot in the paint on either end. Never mind that he’ll be overpaid.

You know where he should end up? Orlando. He’s perfect for them. He can run the offense when Jameer Nelson isn’t on the court, and he can nail open bombs off kick-outs and screens. His sporadic defensive failures and lack of rebounding are offset by the brute interior strength of The Manchild.

Yes, he should stay in Orlando. But they can’t offer him enough money, so he won’t.

James: Turkoglu will get overpaid. Let’s be frank: he’s playing in a set up that suits him perfectly, and he’s the third-best player on his team. Without a solid, shooting 4 like Rashard Lewis, he has a lot less space to operate, and he flourished in a situation where he’s the go-to guy in the clutch.

Ideally, you’d like to see him as the final piece on a contender… but he’ll take a pay day. If Portland offer him the bucks now — and it would be a horrible move if they do — that’s where he’ll be; they’re an exciting team and probably good enough for the WCFs next year, taking a game or two off the Lakers.

I’d actually love Turkoglu at the Mavericks. Think about it. He’s a much better fit for that team than Howard is at the 3, as he can camp on the perimeter and get kick-outs from Dirk. Likewise, he’s a guy who revels on good looks (otherwise shooting woefully from the field) so he’d be fit if Kidd is feeding him the rock.

Having said that, I see him taking a pay day from the Blazers or Raptors.

Get your chisels ready, whoever does the Walk Of Fame.

How will Ron Artest fit in at the Lakers?

James: Anyone who thinks he won’t fit in ridiculously well is an absolute fool — a player’s ability to fit into the triangle is no longer the determining factor in being a Laker.

I’ve seen criticism that Ron is bad for this offense. On the contrary, Artest’s issue is his shot selection, and with two dominant bigs freeing up space he’ll get good shots. Likewise, with Kobe, the archetypal 2-guard, playing next to him, he will never, ever be forced to create offense. Ever.

He’s a defensive and offensive upgrade over Ariza. He’s a lights-out shooter when open from beyond the arc, and will lock down elite wing players and rangy power forwards alike. You could literally not ask for a better player in the MLE-range than Ron Artest.

Anton: Maybe I’m speaking as an unthinking fan of the Lakers, but I see it working, and working very well. How could it not?

With Artest, the Lakers boast two defensive juggernauts in Kobe and Ron, alongside two solid shot-blockers and interior defenders in Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum. That’s a lot for an opposing side to deal with.

And the depth, oh lord, the depth! Ron can keep up with small forwards, pound with power forwards, and is strong enough to keep shooting guards in place. Most nights, he can guard the other team’s best player… leaving Kobe on the weaker wing player. That’s a preposterous 1-2 punch.

The only way it goes wrong? If Ron decides his name will be made in Los Angeles by jacking up shots. His shot selection in Houston was terrible, full of forced mid-range jumpers and ill-advised long range potatoes. As long as Kobe and Phil can curb his enthusiasm for bad shots, this is a huge pick-up for the Lake Show.

Where to now for the Pistons?

Anton: Let’s just say it doesn’t look good.

They mixed and matched in the name of cap space, sacrificing a season to offload Chauncey, whilst establishing a promise to their fans: ‘we’re rebuilding, yes, but it’ll be fast. We’ve got money to spare, and we’re going to spend it.’ Well, they’ve spent it… and they’ve picked up an admittedly lights-out shooter who can’t defend, and a lanky forward who sporadically rebounds and avoids the paint like cancer.

They aren’t the building blocks of a championship squad, are they?

Having said that, the basketball public was baffled by Dumars’ signing of the then-overlooked Billups, and his drafting of Hamilton and Tayshaun. And they won a championship. But that squad was lucky to get their rings, and it’s unlikely the Pistons can contend without some superstar talent in their starting five.

As a side note, they desperately need a centre. If they’re starting Kwame Brown next year, it’s a sure sign Lil’ Joey Dumars is banking on some lottery magic.

James: 10th in the East. I like the team for the future, but they need a decent big man and a lot more to get over the hump in a strengthening east.

Villanueva is a nice role player and a good starter, and Gordon can certainly shoot the lights out.

Gordon was overpaid, but Charlie V. will be a good player in the years to come. As far as rebuilding goes, this is actually a good effort — Gordon’s offense will give the fans something to cheer and Charlie could be the 3rd best player on a contender.

Rip is going, presumably in a package with Tayshaun Prince (how else do you get any value?). I could imagine Tracy McGrady coming to town in a similar expiring style as AI did last year. None of this changes the fact that it will be a seriously long time until Detroit are back on the ball map.

Assuming they can’t attract big free in 2010 (and it’s a given, right? If Tehran had cap space LeBron would rather sign with them than Detroit), it’ll be a serious road to recover for the Pistons.

How do you rate the Ariza signing for Houston?

James: It’s an okay signing. A bit of a knee-jerk reaction, but I think they got good value for him.

Houston are going to be rebuilding this year. They’ll ship T-Mac (or let him walk — either way, he and his $23m contract are gone come February-ish) and Yao looks in trouble for the medium-term.

This said, a year in the wilderness — bringing Ariza, Scola and Brooks (with, potentially, Gortat) to the boil as a young, enthusiastic nucleus could be good for the club. I like their prospects, as far as remaining in a holding pattern for a high lottery pick and playing some relatively exciting balll. But at the same time, I think the reaction to Yao’s apparently career-ending injury is overblown — so look out for the Rockets in 2011.

Anton: Uh, a 6 out of 10?

It’s okay. Not great. They’re paying semi-reasonable money. 24-year old Trevor has stacks of upside, and his miraculous ability to develop a three-point shot shows he’s willing to work.

But he’s not a franchise-changer. He’s a nice complementary pick-up. He doesn’t change the landscape in Houston. He just makes it a little prettier.

With Yao in trouble and McGrady soon to be sent packing, Ariza represents just a small step towards relevance for the Rockets. As it is — with Tracy injured, and Ming spending his days consulting doctors — Houston boasts a weaker roster than just about any team in the league. Thankfully for their fans, they’re a well-run organisation who won’t tolerate irrelevance for too long. Ariza was their first arrival. He won’t be the last.

Perhaps Daryl Morey has been spending too much time at Marcin Gortat’s house.

With Morey looking for tall men to man the middle with Yao Ming potentially facing a career-ending injury,  the signing of Ron Artest appears to have been neglected. Artest looks to be leaving Houston for greener pastures, and a shot at a championship.

In an apparent farewell message, Ron thanks the city of Houston.

His brother, Daniel Artest, also seems sure Ron won’t be re-signing with the Rockets, urging him to sign with the Cleveland Cavaliers:

Regardless of how much sway Daniel has with Ron, it appears the short-lived Artest era is over in Houston.

Most pundits expected Artest to re-sign with Houston, citing the weak economy and the perception of Artest as a locker room liability as the key factors weakening interest in the defensively talented forward.

Both the Los Angeles Lakers and Cleveland Cavaliers have their full mid-level exceptions on offer. Other teams with more cap space on offer, like the Grizzlies or Thunder, are not expected to make offers to Artest.

Posted By: Anton

Update: Ron has signed with the Los Angeles Lakers.

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter where you draft. Great players are often left waiting until the second round, if they’re drafted at all. A high lottery pick doesn’t guarantee a thing. Upside can confuse. Wingspans can distract. Big mistakes can be made, even by the best-intentioned general managers.

#10 | Mouhamed Sene | Seattle Supersonics | 2006

Other Notables Mistakes At #10: Keyon Dooling, Orlando Magic, 2000 | Jarvis Hayes, Washington Wizards, 2003 | Luke Jackson, Cleveland Cavaliers, 2004

Remember that thing about wingspans? Sene was a clasically raw Senegalese shot-blocker with a ridiculous wingspan (7′8″) and an appropriate expectation of upside attached.

Sene clearly couldn’t play, expending all his energy racking up fouls and looking confused. It took just three months for the Sonics to boot him to the D-League. Since then, he was waived, then picked up by the Knicks in 2009. In other words, he was cheap, tall, and New York wanted to keep salaries low.

#9 | Michael Sweetney | New York Knicks | 2003

Other Notables Mistakes At #9: Patrick O’Bryant, Golden State Warriors, 2006 | Rodney White, Detroit Pistons, 2001

The Knicks, for all their recent failures, have done well at the draft, picking up Wilson Chandler, David Lee, and Nate Robinson towards the back end of the selections. The Sweetney pick was not one of their successes.

Battling constant weight problems in his rookie year, their ninth pick gave them 42 uninspiring games.

Sweetney was semi-serviceable in his second year (19 minutes, 8 points, 5 boards), but was never fit enough to contribute consistently. He was used as salary fodder in the trade that sent Eddy Curry to Chicago, and Sweetney has been wearing suits for the Bulls since.

#8 | Rafael Araújo | Toronto Raptors | 2004

Other Notables Mistakes At #8: DeSagana Diop, Cleveland Cavaliers, 2001 | Joe Alexander, Milwaukee Bucks, 2008

Befitting their status as the only non-US team, Toronto are an international franchise. They pride themselves on their worldly scouts. When it comes time to pull the trigger on an oversized white man who’ll undoubtedly struggle against superior NBA competition, the Raptors don’t hesitate.

Araújo wasn’t any good when he was drafted, and he never got any better. In his rookie year, he averaged 3 points and 3 boards; a slightly better contribution than what he offered to the Jazz in his last year in the league, three seasons later. Oversized, a bad shooter, and consistently incompetent at fundamental basketball tasks, Araújo was a badly wasted opportunity, drafted ahead of Andre Iguodala (9th) and Al Jefferson (15th).

#7 | Corey Brewer | Minnesota Timberwolves | 2007

Other Notables Mistakes At #7: Eddie Griffin, Houston Rockets, 2000 | Chris Mihm, Cleveland Cavaliers, 2000

With his sophomore season cut to just 15 games after knee surgery, it may be a little premature to proclaim Brewer a bust.

But it’s not far off. Brewer joined a terrible Timberwolves team, ripe for rookie playing time, a starting spot his for the taking. He responded by delivering 6 points (at 37.5%), 4 boards and a cheeky steal in 22 minutes.

#6 | Robert Traylor | Dallas Mavericks | 1998

Other Notables Mistakes At #6: DerMarr Johnson, Atlanta Hawks, 2000 | Dajuan Wagner, Cleveland Cavaliers, 2002 | Martell Webster, Portland Trail Blazers, 2005 | Yi Jianlian, Milwaukee Bucks, 2006

Note to Wolves fans: sorry. You really don’t want the 6th pick in the draft. Where teams become desperate for an upside pick, while struggling to find a guy ready to play right now. It’s a bad spot.

But the nod goes to ‘Tractor’ Traylor. Able to dominate despite — and partly because of — his weight in college, Traylor was a mess playing against professional athletes. While his natural ability was clear, his inability not to be fucking enormous limited his playing time and contributions. He was waived by Cleveland after the 2004-05 season, going on to have aorta surgery, and a failed stint with the Nets.

#5 | Nikoloz Tskitishvili | Denver Nuggets | 2002

Other Notables Mistakes At #5: Jonathan Bender, Toronto Raptors, 1999 | Shelden Williams, Atlanta Hawks, 2006

If the Nuggets had snagged Tskitishvili in the middle of the second round, he may have been a nice pick-up. But as such an early pick, taken ahead of Nenê Hilario (7th), Amar’e Stoudemire (9th) and Caron Butler (10th), Tskitishvili was an abomination. Career stats: 11 minutes, 3.0 points, 1.8 rebounds (at 7′0″), 30.4% from the field (unbelievable), and nothing else.

Presumably inspired by the Dirk Nowitzki pick in 1998, the Nuggets were looking for size combined with a stroke. Big Niko had the former, and emphatically lacked the latter.

#4 | Marcus Fizer| Chicago Bulls | 2000

Other Notables Mistakes At #4: Eddy Curry, Chicago Bulls, 2001

Fizer was drafted into a Chicago frontcourt already packed full of Elton Brand. Despite the lacklustre situation, he received 22 minutes per outing in his rookie year, and gave back 9.5 points and 4.4 rebounds. Not good, but not horrible.

He never got any better. Never developed. Ended up playing in Israel, where the standard of play suited.

#3 | Adam Morrison | Charlotte Bobcats | 2006

Other Notables Mistakes At #3: Raef LaFrentz, Denver Nuggets, 1998

If Bobcats fans existed, the city of Charlotte would be bathed in tears whenever Morrison’s sad little mouse face popped up on their television sets, his slumped body hung next to the Lakers bench.

What a monumentally bad choice: a weak, defensively appalling shooter taken ahead of Tyrus Thomas (4th), Brandon Roy (6th) and Rudy Gay (8th). 2006 was a notoriously weak draft pool, but the Bobcats found a way to turn ill-fortune into a self-made embarrassment.

Morrison was given the green light as a rookie, rarely benched despite his 37.6% clip combining with a stunning lack of rebounding effort or playmaking ability. He was happily sent to the Lakers for a guy no one in Los Angeles liked (Vladimir Radmanovic), gifting Morrison one of the least-deserved championship rings in the history of the sport.

#2 | Marvin Williams | Atlanta Hawks | 2005

Other Notables Mistakes At #2: Stromile Swift, Vancouver Grizzlies, 2000 | Jay Williams, Chicago Bulls, 2002 (a wise pick, but turned out terribly once Williams nearly killed himself in a motorcycle accident in 2003) | Darko Miličić, Detroit Pistons, 2003

Marvin Williams is yet to show he’s a bust. He continues to improve, recently developing an accurate three-point shot, and sporadically staying with his man on the defensive end. But he’s yet to show he can really play. Yet to show he isn’t expendable. Yet to justify his high selection.

Especially when that pick came with Deron Williams (3rd) and Chris Paul (4th) still available. But even in a weaker draft, Williams was a reach. Stromile Swift may have been a bigger bust, but in terms of disappointment — and injury to a franchise — the Marvin pick takes it.

Special mention should go to Darko Miličić*, a wretched creature who has, at best, managed to contribute as a shot-swatter sporadically. At worst, he decimated the dreams of a Pistons community dreaming of a long-term championship contender with Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, or Chris Bosh on board.

Williams narrowly gets the nod due to his contributions being limited to inconsistent scoring, the most easily replaced NBA facility.

#1 | Kwame Brown | Washington Wizards | 2001

Other Notables Mistakes At #1: Michael Olowokandi, Los Angeles Clippers, 1998 | Kenyon Martin, New Jersey Nets, 2000

As a front office man, Michael Jordan has developed a reputation as a very good golfer. Picks like the fundamentally flawed Kwame Brown selection earned it for him. What a bad call. What a lazy selection.

Jordan saw nothing but upside in Brown, a dominant force in high school, a big man with post ability. Unfortunately, Brown was lazy, unmotivated, and famously small-handed. Jordan went for a home run selection, and was struck out. 4.5 points and 3.5 rebounds in his rookie year. Traded twice. Is consistenly mocked. Rarely contributes. Those same, small, sad hands.

And he was taken ahead of Pau Gasol (3rd), Jason Richardson (5th), Joe Johnson (10th), and even Gilbert Arenas (30th).

Just like Chuck Berry sang, it goes to show you never can tell.

Posted By: Anton

*This article originally, and unjustifiably, omitted Darko Miličić from consideration.

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Quite frankly, we at The Sport Count have been waiting for the offseason for some time.

After the Cavs got booted and we grinded toward the inevitability of the Lakers overmatching an under-performing and overwhelmed Orlando, my fingers were itching for trades, draft chatter, and General Manager fuck-ups galore.

The issue was… it didn’t begin. With one of the most baffling and boring draft classes of all time (with genuine confusion from journalists, fans and the all-important blogosphere as to where key players would end up), and GMs seemingly reluctant to make the trades we’ve been begging for since the deadline, I was beginning to think that this offseason would be as boring as the Buss family’s victory speech after Game 5.

Going to the Spurs, it's like going to the dark side.

Then… it all transformed. All of sudden, I awaken to news of Richard Jefferson being traded to the Spurs for Bruce Bowen and some other unlikeables who’ll likely be back with the Spurs by November. Andrew Bogut grudgingly accepts it:

Sad to see RJ go. He was a fun guy to be around and could play. We are building for the future, slow and steady. Patience grasshopper.

But for the rest of us, the glow of the third season has finally begun. Even if it restores the Spurs as championship contenders and makes us all hate the world a little bit more, finally, there’s something to read about.

Almost as soon as this happenned, the ridiculous trade between the Celtics and the Pistons, involving Rondo, Ray Allen, Stuckey, Prince and Hamilton, began to come to light. All of a sudden, Rondo is being proactively shopped and we’re starting to think that a major trade will be made prior to the next season.

Then we start to get some meaningful talk of the Knicks trading up (via sending Larry Hughes back to Washington and turning #5 and #8 into #2) in order to get little Ricky Rubio — all of a sudden making draft day moves and rookies swapping hats is a tangible possibility.

All of a sudden, the excitement has hit us again: ESPN has more than one item on the NBA per day; True Hoop is talking; Twitter is alight and the NBA’s third season has well and truly got us hooked, hoping and praying that it tides us over until October.

Posted: by James

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Because of the superstar (right) the rarely-used veteran (left) gets stacks of cash (middle)

Last season, Cleveland Cavaliers back-up centre Lorenzen Wright was paid $1,262,275. It’s fair to say he didn’t earn that money.

He played in just seventeen games, at a pay rate of $74,251.47 per appearance. Only once did he play more than 25 minutes: in the last game of the season, a loss to Philadelphia in which coach Mike Brown gave the Cleveland starters a  pre-playoff rest.

Lorenzen Wright is a classic bench warmer, a semi-serviceable veteran with a pulse, and the ability to play a few minutes if  a) the Cavaliers are up by 30 with three minutes to go or b) the four big men ahead of him die just before the game.

So, when Wright contributes so little — beyond a beating heart — why is he paid so well? Why is such an easily replaceable player compensated so handsomely?

The faces of the NBA keep veteran salaries high.

The answer is simple, but it involves a lot of big names: Kobe Bryant. LeBron James. Dwyane Wade. Yao Ming. Dwight Howard. The genuine superstars of the league. The international juggernauts of the game. The names that sell bulk jerseys, draw in television viewers, and populate the wet dreams of the NBA’s marketing department.

They’re the reason the yeoman class of the league can command such rich pay cheques.

Basketball is — more than baseball, football, or hockey — a game of implied personality. The  inner character of a player is construed, whether accurately or not, through tight camera shots; their reactions, celebrations, and frustrations unobscured by a helmet or baseball cap.

Humans like seeing faces, reading emotions, making judgements based on expressions. We want to believe that we understand how an athlete feels. We want to read their minds, and that’s tough to do through a chunky football helmet. When Kobe switches gear in the fourth quarter, ESPN zooms into his hyperfocused, animalistic countenance (Kobe is an intense guy, the viewer assumes). When Wade nails a long-range bomb, we see him smile (he’s a good-natured guy!) and look to the heavens (he’s a Christian!). When Kevin Garnett gets frustrated, we see his face contort, filled with impassioned agony.

Because of how close we are to the action — how able we are to feel an intimate understanding of the psyche of NBA superstars — basketball is the most star-dependent of the four major American leagues, a sport where fans love the players more than they love the game. As a result, the Players Association is the most powerful union of professional athletes. Without the stars, the league would have nothing. Jerseys wouldn’t sell, seats would be left empty, and the cultural cache of the Association would dissipate instantly.

That leverage ensures players are given guaranteed contracts, unlike the NFL, where the sheer bulk of players on a squad renders most individuals easily replaceable. It also leads to heavily inflated minimum wage levels. These fully guaranteed, fully fat pay cheques ensure that the back end of NBA benches are weak, and boring.

Imagine if completely replaceable veterans weren’t paid so well. If Lorezen Wright wasn’t guaranteed $1.2m,  and instead was paid $10k per bench appearance (a healthy pay rate by anyone’s standards, but a substantial cut to what he made last season) would the Cavaliers keep him all season? If teams weren’t forced to field a minimum of 12 fully-contracted active players, would Lorenzen even get a look in?

If Lorenzen Wright, and the other veterans raking in big cash for doing nothing, was a casual employee — able to be cut and re-signed whenever needed — it could only help the game. D-League players would get more looks. Free agents could be signed for a game or two at a time, based on specific team needs.

If teams weren’t forced to sign someone after two 10-day contracts, the end of the bench would be constantly in play. You’d see teams gambling on upside, calling in energy guys, scouting Europe and Australia and South America during the season. It would do wonders for the D-League, taking it a step closer to its rightful place as a feeder league.

At least, these outcomes are a possibility. The current system — whereby the ridiculous importance of superstars dictates such sublime working conditions for the sub-par players of the league — is flawed. In almost any other industry, one could be impressed by the work of the union in securing the livelihoods of bench warmers, but this isn’t a typical industry — we’re talking about players who do very little making, at the minimum, hundreds of thousands of dollars. We don’t need to worry that they’re going hungry.

So, why not free up the end of the bench? Why not give teams the option of having two casual, but active, roster spots at any time? It would save teams money. It’d give young players a better chance of cracking the NBA.

There are flaws in this proposal, sure. Non-contributing veterans would still be given long-term, high-paying contracts for no good reason by foolhardy GMs. That won’t ever change. And younger players might struggle flitting so often between the NBA and their D-League team or home country.

But it’s an idea. To encourage a dynamism too often lacking in the front offices of the league. To give us younger players with something to prove. To make the D-League matter.

The current system rewards veterans for doing very little. Their roster spots would be better filled with raw youngsters desperate for a full-time gig.

Posted By: Anton