The Sport Count

The Rehab Diaries: Danilo Gallinari

November 19, 2008 · No Comments

It was said –- in fact we said it with one of the loudest voices (here, here, here and here) –- but Mike D’Antoni didn’t listen! When NBA fans and scouts alike feverishly typed Danilo Gallinari into Babelfish this past summer, only to see Fettucine Bustaola come up, the Count could smell a rat. And when recent news informed us that the Big Bustamental was going down for the rest of the season, we were neither surprised, shocked, nor sad.

Que?
Que?

On a recent fact-finding trip to NYC (where the Count saw Danilo’s one and only hit-out in an NBA game; 0/2 from the field and 1 foul in a heady 3 minutes, 32 seconds) we managed to pilfer the Italian Stallion’s iPhone, and came across his rehab schedule for that day.

10:00am – Hit the gym for rehab. D’Antoni has implemented the Italian system, meaning I will jump rope for 20 minutes, and smoke four cigarettes each time my back hurts. Working well, but chest is sore.

11:00am – Place call to Mr. Dolan, try and coordinate upfront payment of months’ salary in cash.

12:00pm – Look into the mirror, burst into tears.

14:00pm – Stephon calls me. I don’t pick up. He wants to go and see Quantum of Solace tonight; I bought it in China Town.

15:00pm – Head into Macy’s, I’m surprised that they don’t have a Street Clothes sections, as many websites say this is what I will wear for one year. Spend $2,000 on ties.

17:00pm – Note to self; Maccaroni in USA = different, but also good.

19:00pm – Watch The Godfather, part three. I can’t believe American’s don’t get the Andy Garcia / Sofia Coppola love story.

23:00pm - Switch to BET. I didn’t know that’s what Wilson meant when he was saying skeet the other day.

23:30pm - TiVO is a handy alternative for the time poor consumer.

24:00pm – Note to self: Hookers in America = different, but also good.

Posted by: James

Categories: Off The Court · Rehab Diaries
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The Starbury Stock Exchange

October 23, 2008 · 1 Comment

Posted by: James

Categories: NBA Mysteries · On The Court
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The Rehab Diaries: Monta Ellis

October 20, 2008 · 1 Comment

Last month we stumbled upon Gilbert Arenas’ misguided attempts to self-heal his knees. Now we’ve got the skinny on what the recently suspended Monta “Moped” Ellis is doing to get back to his barnstorming best, in the latest edition of the Rehab Diaries.

"Diddy; can I buy your Quad Bike?"

8:00am: Hop on my jetski and head across to fisherman’s wharf. Man, that’s a buzz. Grab some chowder and pick up the Chronicle — Anthony Randolph looks like a winner! I’m gonna get him out fly fishing on Captain Jack’s boat.

9:30am: Now i’ve got the wind in my hair, the spray on my face, it’s time to lace up my carabiner –that’s right baby, we’re going abseiling. The doc swears that abseiling will help the ankle; high altitude is one of the ultimate remedies for vague, non-basketball related injuries.

11:00am: Jump in a taxi, yawn, and head across to the training facility. Put my head out the window and feel that Bay Area Air. Coach won’t let me play 3-on-3 at practice. I’ll hop, anything that’s a challenge, I’ll take it.

2:00pm: Nap time. I just need to set up my cyclotron, which keeps my in a constant state of centrifugal compression (and is HEAPZ OF FUN!) and then I’ll have visions of amazing sports, activities and challenges running through my head.

5:00pm: Head down to The Mission for dinner. I love hot, spicy Mexican food. The hotter the better. I end up accepting a bet from Marcus Williams and enter a chili eating contest. I ended up with an incredible record, had a really interesting style, entertaining to watch, and still came 9th to some Spanish guy called Carmelo. Disappointing.

7:30pm: Watch Big Wednesday whilst standing on my surfboard in the apartment. I CAN’T WAIT ’TIL I CAN GET BACK ON THE BOARD.

9:00pm: I’m so tired, time for sleep, looking forward to another day of action and challenges tomorrow.

Posted by: James

Categories: Injuries & Suspensions · Off The Court
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Dear Diary: Tracy McGrady Edition

October 9, 2008 · No Comments

Tracy is scared about what the 08-09 season has in store

Tracy is scared about what the 08-09 season has in store

Dear Diary,

I’m scared - yeah real scared. I’ve been so healthy for so long (months now) and now it’s only three weeks away. The season. Every year it hangs over me like a spectre; ruining my summer. Just when I think I’m out, it pulls me back in.

I know we’ve got Ron to help out. I know Yao is back to health and we’ve got a great bench. But I don’t think my bones can take it - I just don’t think they’ve got it in them to do what I want, what I need, what I crave.

I want to get to the hole. I WANT to dominate the game. I want to do all the things I do on NBA2k9. I want to do all the things i’ll do for the next 2 months and get major props for. Something always goes wrong, breaks, spurs, tweaks, snaps or twinges… and I just can’t take it any more.

Maybe I should get out? Get out now and save myself the heartache of another 51 games at the office. Save myself the playoff previews, the highlights of former years, the comparisons of my games played vs games missed over the past 5 seasons.

What if I become a carpenter? I guess I’d just break my hand with a hammer and not be able to do my job again. I could be an office worker? But RSI is a MAJOR issue, and all of that sitting would definitely hurt my back.

I suppose I could try cleaning cars - I’d be afraid of the detergent though. Your hands always go wrinkled, which makes it impossible to do most anything - you can’t write, type, nothing - it’s bad when you use detergent, I stick to soap.

Anyway, I’ll give it one more try. I’ve got to at least do it once more, try and get out of the first round, try and stay healthy, try and get.it.to.gether.

Yours,

Tracy

Posted by: James

Categories: Off The Court
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The Anatomy Of Tracy McGrady

October 2, 2008 · 1 Comment

Posted by: James

Categories: NBA Mysteries · Sport Count Guide
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