THE SPORT COUNT

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Over the past three weeks, The Sport Count has looked at the very best and very worst of NBA tattoos. Mainly the worst.

If you’ve missed Luke Walton’s dunking monkeys, Tim Duncan’s Merlin love, or Marquis Daniels’ depiction of a man shooting himself in the head with a shotgun, head over to parts one and two.

Who is it? Dennis Rodman, celebrated star of Geek To Freak With Dennis Rodman.

What do they appear to depict? Two angry bulls, a motorcycle blazing through the fires of hell, a crucifix, a rose, and the same ‘Celtic armband’ every young male had inked on their bicep back in ‘98 (because it’d look totally sick at the Sugar Ray gig).

Why did he get them? If we’re getting literal–and Rodman isn’t known for his love of the figurative–one assumes the Bulls are a tribute to his Chicago days.

The rose, motorcycle, and armband are easily explained: Dennis walked into his local tattoo parlour, threw a couple of hundred dollar bills at the artist, closed his eyes, spun around, and pointed at random designs on the wall.

Were they a good idea? As you know, freaks have tattoos, and geeks don’t. Dennis doesn’t want to be a geek, does he?

Who is it? DeShawn Stevenson.

What does it appear to depict? It looks a whole lot like Deshawn’s surname, tattooed on his back.

Why did he get it? Stevenson’s family have a very tiny television, and were having serious problems distinguishing him from Gilbert Arenas (as if the handles, or lack thereof, weren’t a giveaway).

DeShawn solved the problem, only to realise that David Stern insists players may not be shirtless on the court. What a fascist prick.

Was it a good idea? It really depends.

No, if you plan on committing crimes shirtless. Yes, if you’re counting on an angry LeBron James coming to your house and taking every single one of your worldly possessions–including your team jerseys–on a whim.

No, if you’re in a DC nightclub trying to pick up chicks while pretending you’re Caron Butler. Yes, if you like to represent really hard while catching a tan (important if your beach needs a back-up shooting guard, and has a bunch of cap space).

Who is it? Brazil native, and noted NBA failure, Rafael Araújo. (If you’re wondering, his name is pronounced ‘Ha-fa-ew Ah-rah-oo-zhoo.’ Good news is you won’t ever have to say it, unless you land a commentary job with the Russian Basketball Super League).

What does it appear to depict? A Japanese symbol, and a dinosaur eating, um, a turkey?

Why did he get it? Brazil seems like an odd place, if you believe the internet, full of freaked out Catholics, big-arsed babes, dead baby penguins, and (according to Yahoo! Answers) ‘lots of prostitutes and transsexuals.’

If you grow up amongst that, a T-Rex hooking into a gamebird probably makes a weird kind of sense.

Was it a good idea? Calling that design an ‘idea’ may be giving it too much credit.

Who is it? Obscure Cleveland forward LeBron James.

What does it appear to depict? LeBron’s tattoo depicts the humble, but potentially apt, phrase, Chosen 1. There’s a small dot in the middle, so it looks like it could be his Diablo II character’s name (‘NO SPACES ALLOWED’).

Why did he get it? When he was 15, LeBron James was a bookworm. Forget the ESPN covers and the national coverage for his high school games, the one thing that LeBron liked to do (aside from violate amateur athlete laws) was read, and his poison of choice? Harry Potter.

LeBron empathised with the central character. James was similarly blessed with remarkable skills that others did not understand, or possess. He, like Potter, was forced to live in a closet beneath the stairs. And he shared an inexplicable fondness of owls with the boy wizard. When it came time to bless the national stage with his talents, LeBron insisted on honouring his inspiration with a shout out to J.K. Rowling — the master of the literary jumpshot.

Was it a good idea? Potter references aside, it’s a bold call to put ‘Chosen 1′ on your back in enormous script.

Admittedly, it’s pretty hard to make jokes about LeBron, because he’s actually very good. But for all of that ‘humble hero’ stuff, and the ‘this is the star the NBA needed’ rhetoric (which you’re sure to hear 400 times if you start a season on NBA 2k8 with the Cavs), LeBron’s back tattoo is the most arrogant tattoo in the world.

It’s lucky he can back it up.

Posted By: Anton, Alex & James