THE SPORT COUNT

As the gold dust settles on Team USA’s victory over the racist Spaniards (no matter how much you slit your eyes, that medal will still be silver, bitches), we’re feeling empty.

China is about to go back to their persecuting and age falsifying ways without the glare of the world’s media scrutinising them, and The Sport Count is a little sad that there are no more medals or prizes to award for these games.

Trying to fill this void as best as we can, The Count has decided to bestow some laurel wreaths of our own on the athletes of these games past. Who will take out our top prize? The picture of the smiling man below might be a slight indicator.

Most Valuable Player

Winner: Dwyane Wade | Team USA

For me, the best player should get the MVP; the person who played best, regardless of the impact on their team’s standing (hence, I would’ve voted KB24 MVP for the last 3 seasons, but they didn’t ask me). And the best player in Beijing was Dwyane Wade.

D-Wade came into the games with a whole bunch of baggage, and insisted on  being awesome. In a team focused on LeBron, Kobe, and a bit of Carmelo (yeah, we get it, he’s a prototypical international four, STFU), D-Wade was an absolute animal, showing us on fast break after fast break and front-up after front-up that he’s back, and ready to wreck in Miami (and fantasy basketball) next year.

Runner Up: Pau Gasol | Spain

I really don’t like Pau, but he was the beating heart of this Spanish team, showing why he’s regarded as a Don of the FIBA game. I’m very very glad he lost, and I hope Sun Yue puts some poison in his Orangina, or similarly freaky Euro-drink in training camp, but he certainly put up some great performances.

Most Likely Future Draft Pick

Winner: Ricky Rubio | Spain

Next Summer, Ricky will still be ineligible for the draft, which will leave him plenty of time to join best pal Frodo Baggins in a quest or two. After  that, it’s a deadset lock that this little fella will be plying his trade in the hardwood of some lucky lottery team.

Getting a start in the Olympic Finals, and dropping some nifty no-lookers in the  process, little Ricky is sure to be an NBA rotation player for at least a couple  of years to come (but that jersey name has to go).

Runner Up: Patrick Mills | Australia

In short, The Count’s favourite point guard. The future of Australian ball is in good shape, with Mills certain to join Australian bigs Andrew Bogut and Nathan Jawai in the NBA in the very near future. If he can work on his jumpshot and develop a CP3-esque runner, Mills is going to be bonkers — you heard it here first (seriously, you did).

Biggest Idiot

Winner: The Entire Spanish Team | Land of Racism

Read here. These guys are arseholes. For the first and only time, I’ll use Jason Kidd’s words (via Yahoo) to articulate a point:

‘We would’ve been already thrown out of the Olympics [...] At least, we wouldn’t have been able to come back to the U.S. There would be suspensions.’

Damn straight there would’ve been suspensions, and so there should’ve been. This was shocking behaviour from rich, grown men who should know that their cultural mimickery might have implications outside of their perceived meaning in Spain.

Runner Up: Chris Kaman | Germany (?)

From a legitimate disgrace, to a light hearted one: when your own father thinks you’re an idiot, it’s time to take a look in the mirror. Kaman can now look forward to a summer spent being called a traitor by his family, and trying to win back the love of his coalminer father.

Biggest What-ifs?

Winner: Andrew Bogut | The Boomers

Bogut’s ankle injury was the turning point of the games. (Keep in mind we’re Australian, and watching a fair amount of post-Olympic highlights packages, so we’re feeling v. patriotic). If Bogut doesn’t hobble off in the first quarter of the quarter finals against the Redeemers, I guarantee that Australia would’ve won the Gold.

I flat out guarantee it. (As we speak, I’m bidding on an Upper Deck Bogut auto and riding a Kangaroo).

Runner Up: Manu Ginobli

When Manu hobbled off in the semis against the USA, Argentina were toast. With Manu on the floor, as much a talisman as anything else, you never know how many treys and eye gouges the Argentinians would’ve thrown at the Americans, which might’ve resulted in a positive result for the Argies, and this will remain a hot topic in the post tournament wrap ups to come.

Posted by: James