The Sport Count

'C-Webb has spoken, my knees are broken, your weed I'm smoking, your neck I'm choking.'

Most ballers who rap share the one fundamental problem: they’re not very good at rapping. As such, weak-kneed, weed-smoking, bribe-accepting son of Michigan Chris Webber is impressive simply because his rhymes aren’t completely terrible.

Thanks to sports fiend C.K. Dexter Haven, we’ve picked up a track from C-Webb’s 1999 indie effort 2 Much Drama, an apt title considering the album dropped right after police charged the big man with second-degree assault, resisting arrest, possession of weed, driving under the influence of marijuana, and a bunch of traffic violations.

Not the best thing I’ve ever heard, but by no means the worst:

MP3: Chris Webber - “Ain’t Nuttin To Do (Featuring Redman)”

Remember what I said about ballers rarely being good rappers?

Shaquille O’Neal can pretty much do it all. He’s a police officer, breakdancer, thespian and, though you may have trouble remembering it, the most dominant centre since Wilt Chamberlain*. And if you’re after someone who raps like they’re chewing gravel while punching cones, he can totally do that too:

MP3: Shaquille O’Neal - “Mic Check 1-2 Feat. Al Skratch”

*Only the future can tell us if O’Neal will challenge the late great Stilt for the title of ‘Most Dominant Pantsman’ now that his wife is out of the picture. For the record, Chamberlain audaciously laid claim to 20,000 bed sessions — or nine women a week since the age of 15. Time to get your mack cracking, Shaq Daddy.

Posted By: Anton

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